Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Immortalem Bellum

By : Xen
  • From TheBizard on May 27, 2020

    I've been reading the stories on here for about a year, but never signed up for an account, until I read this. I have loved reading this fiction, and has kept me enthralled the whole way through.

    I have really enjoyed your writing style and the story you have written so far. I realise it has been a long time since you updated it last, but I really hope you revisit it.

    Thanks for what you've written so far!


    Report Review

  • From HufflePuff on August 04, 2019

    Really liking this so far :D It's nice to get a proper introduction to the characters before the story really gets going, that way I have a much better idea of their motivations going forward. I like the idea of Hermione as a succubus and am looking forward to reading how that will shape her as a character. 

     

    In the beginning you asked for constructive criticism, and so far there's only one thing I can think of:  you use a lot of adjectives and descriptive metaphors. Both of those things are signs of good writing. At times through, I feel like there's sfo much of it, it takes away from the story itself.. Kind of like if you have a beautifull room and decide to add a golden trim. This will make the room look richer and more classy, but if you then also add gold to every pictureframe, and start gilsing all the furniture, it'll overdo it and you will only see the gold and but the architecture and design of the room itself. 

     

    Am I making any sense? 


    Report Review

  • From Surly2146 on July 04, 2019

    Please don't be too worried about the review count. Dragon prints really are a much better indicator of how successful your story is on this site. If it counts for anything, I registered for an account after a decade and a half of lurking just so I could review your story. I hope you keep writing! 


    Report Review

  • From Surly2146 on July 04, 2019

    Intense emotions going on here! Even though manipulative DD has become a fanfic cliche, this didn't feel like something I had read a hundred times before. Please keep writing!


    Report Review

  • From Surly2146 on July 04, 2019

    Off to a good start. I hope this keeps getting updated!


    Report Review

  • From VeltsuVI on July 04, 2019

    3 chapters, 3 reviews from me. But you should be more happy about amount dragon prints you have got, because those means how many has read your story. Most likely readers are like me normally, happy about story and interested to read next chapter, but either they aren't very good in English or don't just find themselves to write reviews.  I myself drop normally to later case. 


    Report Review

  • From VeltsuVI on June 24, 2019

    It looks like your italic plan didn't go much forward after mentioning it. So text was left as difficult as you feared it would be. It was readable but bit hard to find out which Harry and Hermione are talking. 

    Oh i am waiting next chapter. 


    Report Review

  • From VeltsuVI on June 20, 2019

    Well i at least want now know what was in that memory.


    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!