Life as I know it | By : BlindedHP Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 75938 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 6 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Title: Life as I know it
Summary: This fic is BDSM. Harry is not the boy that everyone expects him to be when he first enters Hogwarts. This fic is Snarry slash with Snape as Harry's Dom.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter related. This magical world belongs to JK Rowling and various publishers. No profit is being made from this.
Warnings: BDSM, dom/sub, non-con, dub-con, sexual situations, master/slave, chan, violence and some more that I can't think of right now.
AN: Thank you BAFan for your suggestions, I have corrected the mistakes. Please feel free to point out any others...
Severus wondered in the back of his mind how Harry would react to someone's love.
The thought that he might be the first to ever express that emotion to Harry both scared him and filled him with hope.
He could come to love Harry, he was already half way there if he was honest with himself
Chapter 5 (Posted on 20 Februaury 2015): When care becomes too much
Severus released Harry a few moments later and held him at arms reach.
"Wash your face and return to your room. I will be there momentarily."
Harry looked up at his Master and gave him a small smile. He had dreaded the thought of his Master thinking him weak and being disappointed in him for it.
"Yes Master. Th…. thank you Master." Harry didn't know exactly what he was thanking his Master for. There were too many things to pinpoint one specific.
His Master seemed to understand and he gave Harry a sharp nod before turning towards his bedroom.
Harry made his way over to the bathroom to take care of all the necessities. The fact that the holidays were starting the next day, had only just begun to sink in and Harry was left feeling numb. The school year passed so quickly that it felt as if Harry had blinked and found himself at the end of the year.
Not that he really minded. He loved the time he had with just his Master and a few other professors for company. Master Vernon had always just paid attention to him when he wanted something from Harry but with Master Severus, Harry felt wanted in a whole different way.
Master Vernon had wanted, and taken, Harry's body and what it could provide. Master Severus though, was not after Harry's body. He felt somewhat betrayed by that fact, felt that Master Severus didn't find him likable, didn't want him because he was too something. All of that however, was made up for by the fact that Master Severus made it quite clear that he did want Harry. That he even cared about Harry. Not just that but it seemed Master Severus cared about Harry, the boy who had deep down always only ever wanted to be cared for and to be loved. Not Harry Potter, son of James, not The-Boy-Who-Lived but Harry, just Harry.
As Harry entered his room he remembered Master Severus's promise the previous evening of a punishment. It excited him somewhat. He had always hated being punished by Master Vernon as it always involved pain of some kind but now, now he knew that he would not be punished with the intention of inflicting pain on him but to learn a lesson.
Harry settled down on the bed and waited patiently for Master Severus. The thought of being blindfolded again filled him with various emotions. He knew that he trusted Master Severus not to hurt him – how could he not after living with him for a year? He didn't trust himself however. He knew that his latest transgression deserved a harsher punishment than the previous one and the thought of being blindfolded for an entire day had flitted through his mind. What if he hurt himself when going to the bathroom? What if he walked into something and broke a vase or something else? Master Severus would surely blame him for it as he was the one to walk into it.
His thoughts were interrupted by the looming shadow of his Master.
Harry stared a bit at everything in his Master's hand but before he could voice his question Master Severus put a finger to his lips.
"You will not speak until I give you permission to do so. You will put your hands behind your back, good, now I am going to tie it there. Is this too tight? No? Good. Close your eyes. I'm going to put the blindfold on once again so keep your eyes closed."
"Your 'punishment' – lesson - today is once again about trust as I feel that you don't have enough trust in me yet, confirmed by your latest little escapade."
"I have a plate of food here. Not a lot as I know that you will be quite full after the feast. I am going to feed you Harry and you will have to trust me when I tell you what you are eating and what to expect. I have nothing here that you don't like but you will just have to trust me on that front. I have not put anything in the food that would hurt you, poison you or change you into any strange colors or creatures. You will have to trust my word on that."
Harry had to bite his lip at the automatic response of "yes Master" and caught himself just before he could make the mistake of speaking without being given permission to do so.
"Open your mouth Harry. Good, I'm first going to feed you the vegetables, green beans, and then some ham. After that will be the 'pudding', some ice cream."
Harry's mouth automatically closed around the fork holding the food in his mouth and he was both surprised and relieved to find that it was exactly as Master Severus had said.
The feeding process was slow as they were both not used to their separate positions but they managed it fine.
Harry felt very self-conscious where he sat and thought that it was really not right that his Master was feeding him, in his experience it should be the other way around!
Harry cursed himself silently for the position he had seated himself in when he had first entered the room. His back was killing him without support behind him and with the lack of balance he could not really straighten himself up. His eyes began to sting with both the effort of staying seated as he was and with keeping his mouth shut and not pleading with his Master to readjust himself in a more comfortable position.
He had not even realized that the constant 'food supply' had stopped as he felt fingers gently tracing down his cheek.
"Sit back Harry. Make yourself more comfortable."
Harry was startled both at feeling tears running down his cheek and at the fact that his Master seemed to know what was bothering him. That was a whole new experience for him.
Harry nodded his thanks as he had not yet been given permission to speak and readjusted his position.
A few minutes later the food was finished and Master Severus told him to close his eyes once again before removing the blindfold. Seeing as he had kept his eyes closed during the whole procedure this time, Harry just nodded his head.
"I will leave your hands tied for now and if you want or need something come and ask me. Do not be afraid to ask anything from me Harry. Ever. You may speak freely again."
"Yes Master, thank you Master."
It had not really seemed so bad, having his hands tied behind his back for a while but as the hours passed Harry became aware of the pressure in his bladder and he realized his difficult situation.
He was mortified to ask his Master to help him but knew that he had no other choice, other than to embarrass himself even worse in a very undignified way.
"Master?" Harry called softly as he entered the lounge.
"Yes Harry? Is there something you need?"
Master Severus put a marker in the book he was reading and approached Harry where he stood.
"I'm er… I need to go to the er…"
His Master seemed to understand and he took Harry's arm lightly and guided him to the bathroom.
"I will untie your hands now Harry. Thank you for coming to me and asking for help rather than keeping it in. You are free to ask me for help any time you need it. Be it night or day."
Master Severus spoke softly and Harry's chest filled with something he could only guess was pride. Pride that his Master was proud of him.
Severus was becoming highly frustrated with the world. The school holidays had started two weeks ago but with it had come complications unforeseen.
The escape of the convict Sirius Black was raging serious havoc with Severus's emotions. He both wanted to go out and kill the bastard himself but also he didn't want to leave Harry.
He had not let the boy out of his sight since the escape except when the boy was in the bathroom or asleep. Even then, Severus had taken to checking up on the boy every hour or so.
The wards around his quarters had never before seen so many checks and adjustments. Severus remembered that the marauders had all been animagi – except for Lupin of course – and as such he had taken to putting up wards against animagi as well.
Severus refused to dig deeper into his own emotions and why he had wanted to protect the boy so badly.
Harry it seemed had at the beginning been surprised and wary of all the attention Severus bestowed on him. Later he begun to enjoy all the time spent with Severus but even that euphoria died down and now the boy was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed.
Severus had run out of reasons why they couldn't leave their quarters and as such he had promised Harry that they could go up to the great hall for breakfast that morning.
His excuses had at first been impressive. "They are working on the wards of the castle and as such we were asked to stay in our quarters so as not to disturb them."
"Albus asked to visit us for tea and dessert but he could not say exactly what time he would be here, it would be best if we waited for him."
But he had run out of believable excuses after a week.
Albus visited them a few times and seemed to understand Severus's reasoning. Those twice-damned twinkling eyes worked overtime when Albus had come to the same realization Severus had a few weeks back. He really did care about Bloody-Harry-Potter.
Oh, he would never live this down!
Harry entered the room at that moment and Severus beckoned him out the door. They walked in silence for a few moments before Harry hesitantly looked up at Severus.
"Thank you Master. For taking me out, letting me go up to the Great Hall."
"It's no difficulty for me Harry but we will return to our quarters as soon as we have finished with breakfast, is that clear?"
Severus was shocked into silence when he heard the boy's reply.
"No! I'm sick of staying in those rooms all day. There's nothing to do there except read or sleep. Why am I not allowed to go out? Why are you keeping such a tight leash on me this time? Last year you had practically ordered me out of your rooms! What's different this time?"
When it seemed that Harry had gotten everything off his chest that he wanted to, Severus took a deep breath. That the boy dared speak to him in such a way! Okay, so Severus had been a bit overbearing and he might have gone over the top with keeping an eye on the boy, a bit. That still didn't give Harry the right to talk to him in such a way!
Harry's face morphed into a stricken expression as he realized what he had just done but Severus didn't care in the least.
Just as he was about to lay into the boy he realized that they were right outside the Great Hall and commotion of any kind would not go unnoticed.
"I will deal with you later Mr Potter. For now, let us eat."
"Yes Master" came the whispered response behind him as Harry followed his Master into the room.
Breakfast was a quiet affair as everyone present seemed to sense the tension in the room. The post owls decided then to enter and as Severus caught sight of the front page he cursed whoever the moron was that decided to put it on the front page.
There was no way that Harry had not seen what was on the front page as Professor Flitwick was seated right beside him and was reading attentively while displaying the whole page for all and sundry.
Harry turned questioning eyes on him and Severus just snarled at the paper.
As they made their way back to their quarters Severus thought of how he would explain everything to the boy.
It seemed that he did not have to figure out a way to broach the subject for as soon as they entered Harry turned to face him.
"Sirius Black. The escaped convict; does he have anything to do with my staying in your quarters all this time? Why I'm not allowed to go out?"
"Yes Harry. Sirius Black is a very dangerous man. I doubt you know it but he is also your godfather. He was the person holding your parents' location a secret via a spell called 'The Fidelius Charm'. Well, he was supposed to keep it secret but he had gone to The Dark Lord with the location as soon as the charm was cast. The Dark Lord wasted no time and on Halloween 1981 he attacked your house. Your parents died as you know and you survived. Black then killed thirteen muggles and one of his other best friends. 'Peter Pettigrew.' That is the short version of it."
Harry had sat down in the middle of the explanation and now sat with slumped shoulders and head buried in his hands.
"My own godfather betrayed my parents? Why? What had they done to him that was so terrible that he would do that?"
Severus did not know how to respond and so he stayed quiet. He debated on punishing the boy for his earlier outburst but decided that learning this new information was punishment enough.
"Now you understand why I did not want to let you out of my sight. I knew Sirius Black in school and I know that he can be a right vicious bastard when he wants to. You have to promise me that you will not go outside these rooms without me and when you want to do anything, ask either myself or one of the other professors to escort you. No matter where you want to go. Is that clear?"
"Yes Master."
"Stop sulking and dress comfortably. Grab a coat and follow me."
Harry quickly did as told and followed his Master out of the dungeons and then out of the castle.
It was the first time in weeks that Harry was outside and he took a deep breath of the fresh air.
Harry was quite shocked when he realized that Master Severus was leading him to the Quidditch changing rooms.
While Harry had not been bad on a broom when they received flying lessons in first year he had never really taken the time to just 'enjoy the ride'.
Master Severus took out two brooms and after giving Harry one he mounted his own and lifted in the air.
Harry followed suit and soon they were flying circles around each other.
Harry quickly realized just how much he liked the feel of the wind whipping around him and through his hair.
He loved the feeling of freedom he felt when so high up in the air and any troubles he had about deranged godfathers quickly left his mind.
The days following were less strenuous on the two as there were no more secrets separating them. Severus also found it a relief that he did not have to think up any more ridiculous reasons why Harry could not leave the room.
The dungeons being flooded after Albus had accidentally moved the lake within the school had raised an incredulous eyebrow from Harry and Severus had known that the time would come soon to come clean with the brat.
Severus found himself wondering if perhaps all his time spent with Harry was having a detrimental effect on the boy as he had begun to speak, walk and scowl the same way Severus did.
It was quite a blow to his ego when he had realized that Harry had perfected his trademark 'billowing' of the robe without the help of a spell at first.
Severus had taken a month to get the effect perfect without the aid of a spell. Harry chalked it up to having a 'good teacher'. Not that Severus taught it to him, Harry had just one day stalked by Severus with billowing robes and smiled at the shock on his Master's face.
Harry understood Severus's reasons for keeping him on 'house arrest' and since finding out the main reason for Severus's behavior, he had taken to personally ask the Professors to escort him wherever he wished to go.
Severus felt very proud of how far Harry had come along since first entering the school. While there were still a few hiccups, Harry seemed to understand that the Professors were there to help him and he asked whenever he didn't understand something.
He also opened up more to Severus and not once in over a month's time had he been found sitting on the floor rather than on the furniture in their rooms.
McGonagall, Flitwick, Sinistra and even Sprout had taken to tutoring Harry whenever the boy was bored. He asked Professor Sprout if there was anything he could help her with in the Green houses one day and since then he had been diligently helping any Professor needing his aid.
Everything seemed to be going well. Harry was happy, the Professors were happy and Severus was only scowling when in the presence of other Professors or 'meddling old coots'.
As the days drew closer and closer to Harry's birthday Severus felt his protectiveness rise up again.
He did not know why, but he was dreading Harry's birthday.
Okay, so he knew why he dreaded it, he just didn't want to admit it out loud, even to himself.
What if that mangy mutt decided to send Harry something for his birthday and Severus wasn't there to intercept it. What if he sent Harry an exploding ball and landed Harry in the hospital wing?
These fears of him were somewhat irrational, he knew, but that knowledge still didn't keep them away.
Severus woke Harry later than normal on his birthday. He presented his present along with all the Professor's presents and the few which had come via owl from friends.
All of them had, naturally, gone through a thorough screening process by Severus himself and he felt fairly confident that nothing sinister would pop out of them.
Harry's exclamations of surprise and thanks tugged at Severus's heart. The boy had done the exact same the previous year. Seeing as it was only the second time in his life that he had received birthday presents Severus really couldn't fault him on it.
Harry thanked Severus profusely for the new potions kit he had gotten the boy. Being a third year, they would be dealing with an increase in the mass of potions and as such Harry would need a bigger cauldron.
What better way to give it to him than as a birthday present?
The day passed with congratulations from Professors and thanks for all the presents from Harry.
Severus had all but forgotten his feeling of apprehensiveness the previous evening and as such he felt his throat constrict when Harry returned to their quarters that evening to tell him how the rest of his afternoon had gone.
"I helped Professor Sprout with planting the dandelion roots when I saw this big black dog staring at me from one of the other green houses." Harry explained excitedly. He had really enjoyed his day out and everything just bubbled out of his mouth.
"I thought that maybe it was hungry and so I dug out the bun I took from the table this afternoon. The dog barked quite a bit when I approached it but as Professor Sprout followed me it quieted down.
It was so hungry! He ate the bun in one gulp and sniffed my robes for any other food. I had nothing else but I promised him I'd take some more to him tonight. Will you come with me? Please?!"
Severus paled as Harry spoke and in the end had to sit down.
There was no doubt in his mind that the dog was that mangy mutt Black but could he tell Harry that?
Could he ruin the boy's birthday with the knowledge that he had come face to face with his murdering godfather?
No. He would keep that secret for now and just think of a reason why Harry couldn't go out tonight. Or ever again if it was up to Severus!
"No."
Harry was just about to open his mouth in another excited ramble when the word registered in his mind.
"No?"
"No. You will not go outside again this evening."
"But, but I promised him I would take him some more food!"
Severus growled down at the boy and Harry quickly lowered his head.
"Sorry Master. I will do as you say Master."
Harry turned around dejectedly and went to his room where he opened up a book to read.
Harry felt as if he was suffocating. Not literally, but emotionally.
Master Severus had gone back to being overprotective and would not let Harry out of his sight. No matter what.
Even when Harry went to help some of the other professors with various tasks, Master Severus was always behind him. Lurking like some night creature over its prey.
He tried to reason with the man. Told him that he would come to him at the first sign of trouble to which his Master replied with a growl. Harry tried everything he could think of but that man would not budge.
The only thing keeping Harry from going crazy was the knowledge that school was about to start and as such his Master would not be able to stay with him at every moment of the day. Right?
Visions of being tied to a chair in the Potions classroom while his Master taught and everyone else gawked at Harry flashed through his mind and he could only hope that that would never happen.
The week before the start of term brought a slight reprieve for Harry.
They were going to Diagon Alley.
Harry took advantage of the time he had outside of the dungeons and entered each and every shop in the alley.
As Master Severus had promised him this day for himself, to do with as he liked, his Master had no choice but to follow Harry wherever he went.
The bookshop was first and Harry took his time to peruse the titles. Although he had become somewhat accustomed to the fact that Master Severus now paid for everything he needed he still did not want to 'splurge' on the man. He chose his necessary school books and after a little prompt from his Master he took two other books which interested him.
At the robe shop he was measured and fit for an entire new wardrobe. No matter how many times he protested, Master Severus insisted on replacing everything he owned as Harry had grown quite a bit since two years ago – courtesy of all the potions his Master fed him of course.
Harry left everything up to his Master at the potions shop. Who was he to decide what he would need compared to his Master?
His stationary was quickly restocked and as they finished their shopping Master Severus led him over to the ice cream shop.
"I think you deserve a bit of a break. Both from shopping and from everything else. I admit that I've been a bit – overbearing – these last few weeks but believe me that I've had good reason."
"It's okay M..sir. I understand. I thank you for caring so much." Harry said with a blush and quickly turned his head away.
"I think this conversation is better left for when we are alone. When we've finished here we will return to the castle. Is there anything else you wish to get?"
Harry had been burning to get himself an owl but as his Master now controlled his 'finances' he did not feel comfortable to ask for yet another thing after all he had received for his birthday.
"No sir."
His Master looked at him skeptically before nodding and finishing his own ice cream.
Severus waited patiently for Harry to finish his shower. He knew that there was something the boy had not said while they were in the alley and he was determined to find out what it was.
"Come here for a moment Harry."
"Master?" Harry seated himself next to Severus and turned expectantly to him.
"I got the impression that there was something else you wanted while we were in the alley but you did not ask me for anything. Remember Harry that I am here to take care of you, to provide for you, to discipline you and to help you in any way possible. If there is anything you want, no matter how big or small, if it is within my capabilities, I will get it for you. If I think that you do not deserve it I will tell you and give you my reasons but never, never, fear to ask me anything."
Harry bowed his head but Severus heard the whispered words nonetheless. "I had already received too much for my birthday, I could not ask for even more."
"That is for me to decide Harry. If I wish to get you something, whether it is something that you really wanted, or just something I wished to give, I will do so. What is it you wanted?"
"I understand Master. I was wondering if I could perhaps get my own owl."
Severus had to strain to hear the whispered words but when he did he cursed himself for not realizing sooner that the boy would want his own owl so as to keep in contact with friends.
He had gotten to know Harry better over these years and thought that he could anticipate his needs fairly well but moments like these made him think that he was failing in being a good Master.
The Dominant of a relationship was supposed to know his submissive. Was supposed to know when they needed something, what they needed and what they didn't. He had anticipated some of Harry's needs before, like when the boy had been blindfolded but uncomfortable Severus had known what was bothering the boy. But for Severus; sometimes was not enough. He wanted to be the best Dom he could be for his little sub and anticipating his needs was crucial.
There was no use in dwelling on it though and Severus made a promise to himself to observe Harry even closer and to know what he needed when he needed it.
"Of course you can Harry. We will return to Diagon Alley tomorrow and you can pick one out yourself."
The blinding smile he received from Harry lifted his confidence a bit and he thought that maybe he was not so bad at providing for Harry after all.
"Thank you Master. Thank you!"
Severus's pride in his charge went up another notch as the boy leaned over to give him a hug. Harry rarely, if ever, initiated contact and that he had done so now showed Severus just how much progress they had made.
Severus cursed himself for the thousandth time that day. What on earth had he been thinking when giving the boy the choice of finding his own pet?
What was more though; what had he been thinking when he agreed to this particular pet?
That the boy had not taken an owl did not really surprise Severus as Harry had proved to quite like things 'out of the norm'.
What the boy decided on though was Severus's new nightmare.
He must have been drunk. That was the only logical explanation he could find.
"If you're happy and you know it click you beak! *click, click* If you're happy and you know it click your beak! *click, click* If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it click your beak! *click, click*"
The blasted parrot had not stopped its incessant singing since Harry first started that song an hour ago. Harry had of course started in the normal way with 'clap your hands' but as the bird had no hands to clap it had improvised and as such he was treated to the new version over and over again.
Magical parrots, unlike their muggle counterparts, only had to hear a song once to remember it and repeat it perfectly. Or in this case, change it a bit to fit its own needs and then continue to drive a person crazy.
He could not really fault Harry for this as the boy did not known how quickly magical parrots learned and really, he had agreed to buy the blasted bird!
Severus heard Harry softly instructing the bird to stay quiet now and that they could continue tomorrow. When the bird actually complied and made no other sound Severus scowled it the general direction of Harry's bedroom.
Of course the bird would only listen to Harry! When Severus tried to get it to shut up while Harry had been in the shower the bird had the audacity to turn its back on him and lift its tail feathers in an unmistakable gesture. How the bird even knew what it meant was a mystery to Severus but he just thanked whatever deities for the silence now that Harry had gotten it to shut its beak.
"Thank you for everything Master. I had a really great day."
Harry's soft voice interrupted Severus's thoughts and he turned around to look Harry in the eye.
"You are very welcome Harry. I also had a pleasant time today."
Harry beamed at him before saying a soft "Good night Master."
"Good night Harry." Severus returned as Harry made his way over to his bedroom.
Hopefully this year would prove to be better than the previous years but seeing as Harry had a murderer on his tail, Severus doubted it.
End Chapter 5
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