Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Hogwarts Apprentices I--Gentry Green

By : LisaRoquin

From ANON - cherrity on December 02, 2003
I really love this stroy, and I am in a reviewing mood so t this does not happen a whole lot. Anyway I think that this last chapter has cemented the idea in my roommates mind that I am very crazy and weird. I loved that I was still laughing and trying to explain why I was laughing what was so funny. This has truely made my day, and I just wanted to thankyou so very much for this much needed laugh.
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From ANON - Waywren Truesong on December 02, 2003
Dear Mrs Finnegan:

It was certainly very interesting to hear from you again. While I do greatly regret that your son has been dragged into the tabloid feeding frenzy that is my life, I am afraid I must inform you that I am not now nor have I ever 'shagged' Seamus, so your thoughtful gift will be entirely useless.

Seamus is a dear friend and has been very supportive in recent days, for which I feel he should be commended, and I am certain he will make an excellent boyfriend for whomever it is he chooses to share his life with - but I am not he. Frankly, ma'am, I'm too busy to fantasize, let alone flirt; what little bed-time I get is reserved strictly for sleep, and I don't see that changing in the near future.

I must admit to being grateful that you don't object to me personally as a partner for your son; it gives me hope that, should I ever find anyone, -their- mother will not find me unthinkable either.

Sincerely,
Harry James Potter.

Sorry, couldn't resist. ^^
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From ANON - Kiristeen on December 02, 2003
OMG!!! This chapter was a hoot and a half.

The Malfoy Harry bits with Snape and Lupin were really good.

What had me howling so hard I had tears in my eyes was the last scene in, what I assume was, the great hall with Seamus' mum's howler. OMG I nearly choked I laughed so hard.

Keep up the good work.

Kiri
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From ANON - Trix on December 01, 2003
Great chap

Mrs Finnegan's reaction was brilliant. Good to have a concerned mum huh? Can't wait for more.
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From ANON - dulcinea on November 30, 2003
Please keep going! I'm thoroughly enjoying this fic!
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From ANON - Petunia on November 29, 2003
I find that marriage-notion at the end very disturbing for some reason. Harry is not ment to marry...! He is the hero in shining armor. He doesn't have the time for marriage... (Never mind, I'm on a strange mood.)

The letter to the Prophet was a good idea. Poor Malfoy, I don't think he will have too much time to try and get the broomstick out of his ass - the apprenticeship is time consuming, so it'll have to stay for the moment. If Snape was in better condition, he might be able to help.

Wonder what Dumbledore has to say to Mrs. Weasley? I know we will find out, but I still wonder.

Good luck with the next part!
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From ANON - Jenna on November 27, 2003
Thanks for expaining everyone's history in this chapter. It was very entertaining. I am very curious as to what Dumbledore is saying to Mrs. Weasley. I can't wait for the next chapter.
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From ANON - Mynona Suo on November 26, 2003
I absolutely love this story, which I had to leave in the middle of the night and thought about all day. Love the ancestry, the surprises, how cool Severus is, Blaise, etc., how all the normal 'beloved like the Boy Who Lived to the fans' characters are being bitchy. Oi. *faints* Wonderful, keep going. ^^;
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From ANON - Waywren Truesong on November 26, 2003
Wai! Infodump!

Waywren asks, "Why does it not surprise me that the Weasleys are famous for being rampant antitraditionalists?"
Magistra says, "Because you know Gred and Forge."
Waywren says, "This is true."

Good egg on Seamus and Harry exploiting the SPEW tactic...

It wasn't until I reread 16 just now that I realised what 'Giftchild' had to mean. Nice to see I was right - this kicks ass.

As for an alternative to asking Zabini, or perhaps as a backup informant, couldn't Harry ask Neville? Tho the Morrigans do seem to be as high-old-family as Harry seems to need.

*sigh* Poor Harry. Everything gets dumped on him... including Hogwarts' irritation at the hoorah. Somebody get that boy some Excedrin.
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From ANON - Kat Denton on November 26, 2003
Lisa, great story, interesting set up and I'm loving the details of Wizarding Tradition. I swooned over Lucius' long hair in the second movie, so having a man's hair be an indicator of social status just hits a button of min>. >. I like the fact that you've actually made Harry a pureblood. Lilly being from a Squib family that 'droppped out' of Wizarding life makes sense and also gives Petunia some REASON besides jealousy for reacting the way she does in the first movie. She's not afraid of Hagrid in the Hut on the Rock, just pissed off.

I'm guessing that the fact that Neville, Draco, Harry and Blaize's (I'm assuming that Asling Morrigan is the same one as the one who snuck supplies from Madam P) moms were best friends will crop up again. Looking forward to where you go with that, and learning more about a 'classical' wizarding education. Question, I understand the Art and Music part, but why jewerly making, why not weaving, for example?

Looking forward to more! Hope you update soon. Kat in KS
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From ANON - Kiristeen on November 26, 2003
Absolutely wonderful chapter. Loved the Blaise Harry interactions, including the differences for when Harry was called by his first or last name. It made sense. The convoluted family stuff was cool too, though, I really had to think while reading that to keep it all straight. LOL (But that's a good thing sometimes)

Had to laugh about Harry's thoughts regarding Snape being in the top four people he could trust. It's so true. It seems everyone around him has an agenda, some hidden some not so hidden. Personally, there are a lot of situations I would trust Snape over Dumbledore too.

Kiri -- eagerly awaiting each new post.
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From ANON - Rsti on November 26, 2003
Wow. This story is amazing. Do you have it hosted anywhere else, because I think you would find it accepted very easily at some of the other HP fan fiction sites. It just seems t tha that what with 17 chapters and nothing but a genius plot it belongs on a site that places plot and characterization as the focus. It's not perfect-I think I heard you saying you now have a beta(someone to edit it), and there are definately some typos and such to be edited out of the first chapters. Harry is very in character, and while the premise seems a little farfetched(the apprenticeship coming out of nowhere) you are explaining it quite well. I'd watch out for some of cha characterizations, though. Ron in particular has me worried, as the intolerant, temper-tantrum ridden characterization is quite cliche, and something that someone like myself, who adores the little redhead, tends to cringe at. Remember that while he does over-react, he does have some sense in him, and he is loyal to Harry. On a smaller scale, watch your characterization on Snape. Sometimes it's good, but sometimes he seems just a little too, I don't want to say nice, but not Snape-like. Most of the apprentiare are being quite well developped. I'm curious though, as much as evil!Slytherins are clicheed and not necessarily true, 'nice-as-can-be' Slytherins can be just as bad. With pureblood like they have, there had better be a good reason Blaise and Millicent don't support Voldemort. While it's on my mind, I would avoid nicknames(Millie, Mione, etc.). To me at least, they're distracting. Oh, and I'm curious, Luna is a year younger than the rest of the apprentices. Are you ignoring this, or is being in your 6th year not a requirement for being an apprentice?

This fic has so much more going on for it than romance, and I really caution you not to just start throwing romance into it because that was your original intent. Not that I'm saying leave it out entirely, but for the feel of the whole fic to suddenly turn to who's shagging who, it would lose alot of the atmosphere you set set up. The only thing I want to warn you about is don't go too far in crazy lineages. Blaise's explanation was beginning to sound just a little too farfetched, but that's what I kept thinking about most of your ideas, but you somehow convinced me that they make sense.

I hope I don't come across as too harsh, but I see this as having potential to be an amazing fic. There were a few points, such as the explanation behind Harry's eyes, the long hair thinlikelike wierd traditions like that), and the grasp you seem to have on Wizarding politics(which few people, of whom I count myself amoung, are interested in), and Dumbledore's characterization tI juI just love.
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From ANON - Shawn Pickett on November 25, 2003
Great chapter, I'm anxious to see more. I'm curious to see how Harry sorts the whole proper wife and heir bit. I think the wizarding world might be close to pushing Harry to the point where he say screw you all, have fun with Voldemort. Thank you.
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From ANON - Elly on November 25, 2003
Thank you Lisa, again a very nice chapter.
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From ANON - Felicia on November 25, 2003
You have great writing, and a wonderful imagination. I love your plotting and characterizations of the already beloved characters. ( I also love how you protray snape and harry.) My only suggestion, which actually i see very little in fic, is that there is little suspence. You tell everything almost right away. Which of course leviates frustrations, but also diminishes suspense. But then again your plot keeps me turning pages, and looking everyday for a new posting. Keep up the great job.
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