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Reviews for Snape\'s Choice

By : Witchcraft

From ANON - crudedly on January 30, 2004
Alright, i'm not evil, but i don't read any more than to chapter 6. And i have the urge to review nevertheless.
I think the plot idea is wrfulrful. It's a challenge, so it wasn't your idea, i know, i just thought i'd stated it. I'm not a person to go around reading plots she's not interested in. But as a matter of fact, the plot IS good, and i have read at least 4 to 5 stories with the same plot/of the same challenge.
This one was the worst so far. When i read the first chapter, i thought it was rushed. But that's alright, like when you are thrown into a pool with cold water, it can even be refreshing. But well, i'm a writer who believes that detailed depiction is a lot more worth than the story line. Wanna have some examples?
~ Snape's in love with her, he has accepted that fact, even if love is such a big word, and it's clearly a perfectly normal thing for him to fall for a student.
~ Hermione's probably too shocked to realize what's going on, but she signs the contract without even thinking about it, because marrying a teacher wouldn't be a problem, she's so defenseless against malfoy. True, Malfoy can hurt, but he's only what, 16? Alright, alright, that's not the problem. Would she really marry Professor Snape for that reason without thinking about it?
~ the marriage: i didn't even know they were married. Alright, they signed the contract, and everything's fine, they're married now, she's moving into his chambers.. no, the headmaster doesn't need to know about this, of course not. Parents? who ever needs them..
~ the encounter Snape/Malfoy/Hermione - Snape shouting, and assaulting a student of his, one of whom he'd always favoured. Alright, he's angry, Malfoy has hurt his wife, after all. How Hermione got that wound, nobody knows. I mean, it' obvious by whom, but just what made him hit her? But what i actually wanted to say to this chapter, Snape wouldn't shout. You can say the characters are out of their usual character in every fic, because we're not JK, but as i see Snape, and i'm sure there are more people who see him that way, he wouldn't do such a thing. When he is threatening someone, he is menacing, but in a different way. He hisses, probably whispers. I picture him as a private person, because we don't know much about him, and i think he would prefer it that way. He wouldn't go on screaming like a mad-man, simply because every one would KNOW.
~ oh, that Snape's baking is cute. (yes, believe it or not, i actually find it positive, if still out of character)
~ Ron. It's alright that he's jealous. But he's making a whore out of her, and i don't think that the loyal, cute Ron would do that. ooc, if you ask me, but everything a matter of how you look at it.
~ the very intimate discussion of the two of them, about: what bothers dear Hermione. There's one thing absolutely disturbing:
**" It's nothing Professor." Severus now knew that there was something wrong, she never called him that unless she was upset about something.** not that it wouldn't be alright if you wrote this. The problem is, that you never said anything about them being on first-name-basis, but even if she dropped the 'professor'. And that is the reason why i don't think i'll continue this. There is absolutely no information about when she moved in, how her feeling were the first night she slept there, how morning was, how everyones reaction was (you got that partially in seamus and dean) . . . While i think, this review will not gain anything for me, as a matter of fact i like to believe that i can make you understand how i felt during reading this. And your story needs absolutely more details. Oh, and you could read the sentences out loud... probably it would sound better then, after all...
~ she has very little self-esteem, what i don't think is Hermione granger. But alone the fact, that she tells him: **"Look I understand that you are doing this to protect me, but no one falls for me. I'm plain and will never be anything more then a little miss know-it-all."** and his reaction to it is:
**Severus was hurt by this, she actually thought that no one wanted her. His heart almost ached because he had told her how he felt and she put herself down.**
I know i'm quoting what you've written. i'm doing this to show you, what i mean. HE, SUS, US, is HURT. THIS, is now how proper humans work. What i mean? He was the one who told her she was a know-it-all. He was the one who let her down for six years. Now HE is hurt that SHE puts HERSELF down, because she does't know it any better, because HE has told her so. (yes, i feel the capitals are necessary.) I tell you what i think he should feel: He should feel damn guilty. And not hurt.
~ then they kiss, what is great, really. Actually, i even liked how you wrote it. it's just very clich
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From ANON - Stratyllis on January 30, 2004
If you are going to put an auther note on you fic that's great. But please do it with a chapter. I know that you are not the only one who does that, and I will be mentioning it to others.

Now, with that said. I really like this fic. The Marriage Law Challenge is the best thing that has happened to SS/HG. I look forward to your next chapter.
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From ANON - iloveron on January 30, 2004
i dont think its odd so i just hope u keep writting
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From ANON - AMA on January 29, 2004
I rarely criticize but.... Hermione can't get pregnant by Snape so she sleeps with Harry so he can get her pregnant, and in doing so he "cures" Snape's sperm? And as a result she's pregnant with two babies-one belonging to Snape and one to Harry???

This is "wrong" on so many levels. First off I can't see Snape agreeing to this les less being the one to beg her to do this. Plus let's factor in that Muggles have artificial insemination. it would stand to reason that Wizards do as well. And finally, I really can't see Hermione agreeing to all of this. It's just not ticatical.

I imagine that you're trying to be different and inventive in your story and I appreciate that, it's just that this whole "pregnant" scenario is beyond the pale.
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From ANON - WizardingAngel on January 29, 2004
this story is one of a kind I love it................ Itis damn good .................... I want to know what happens soon .......... and as always keep up the great work.
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From ANON - Abra_Appelby on January 28, 2004
Nice story.
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From ANON - hopeful on January 28, 2004
Maybe you didn't see the review that pointed out the all caps grammar error in Chapter 3 - Your reviewer is absolutely right, you're is the proper way to spell the contraction for you are. Do you need help on how to edit/fix stuff you've already posted or do you just not care?
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From ANON - spaz141 on January 28, 2004
Chapter 17 - I'm not sure about this, Harry ejaculates into Hermione causing his magic to heal Severus' ejaculate already inside her, further causing Hermione to double ovulate thus enabling the sperm of both men to fertilize each respective egg? If I have interpreted this correctly, this is really pushing the plausibility envelope. Interesting to read where you take this story.
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From ANON - spaz141 on January 25, 2004
I feel the need toind ind you that you killed Draco in Chapter 13. I am really confused now and await the next chapter with the explaination. Thanks.
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From ANON - teacher on January 20, 2004
Hon - I read your reviews before I glanced through your story. Many of the reviews are weeks or months old and give very specific advice on how to fix glaring errors in grammar and spelling in your fic. You even have an offer to help you and beta your story. Unfortunately, the errors all appear to remain and continue as new chapters are posted. I just don't understand. It really is your responsiblity to write the best fic that you can when you use space to post it. If you want to fill this space with your own writing, please at least have the courtesy to fix problems when others take the time to let you know of an error.
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From ANON - mother on January 20, 2004
This is really good. I've read a lot of stories where Harry is a Snape, disguised to look like a Potter, but the idea of a Potter offspring being disguised to look like and be reared as a Snape is one I have not seen before, keep up the good work. Just one point about the last chapter. Wasn't Draco killed off in chapter 13ing ing the wizard's duel or was it simply a vanishing spell?
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From ANON - spaz141 on January 20, 2004
And more adultry (it is a typical plot device around here)...even if it is "necessary" I just don't think any good will come from this. Until next chapter. Thanks.
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From ANON - Smut Meizer on January 20, 2004

'For hours they moved together and he was now gasping for breath.' 0_0

My goodness...... it cracks me up when virgins write smut !! The only thing men do for hours is sleep !!!

Smut Meizer

S
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From ANON - krystina on January 18, 2004
better than some fanfictions, but i didn't get very far. i found snape to be very, very, very OOC, and would have preferred a warning in the summary. also, it would benefit from a better beta reading; example: " "YOUR MARRIED TO SNAPE." The entire hall looked at the Professor as Ron's voice come threw the Great Hall." YOUR should be you're, and the fact that it is in capital letters and remained unnoticed before you posted boggles my mind.
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From ANON - PaganPoetry on January 17, 2004
Interesting concept! It's quite hard to come up withy story plots that are entirely new any more but I don't think I've come across one like this before. But I think you should make the chapters longer! There isn't enough!
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