Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Unlikely Beginnings

By : carriedemarchi

From ANON - erin on May 15, 2005
ok, you reeeeeally need to update! its been forever. i am not willing to hear that you have shelved this story. i simply wont accept it. get writing! please pretty please with a cherry on top and chocolate sauce and whatever else you like. please write more! ok, i dont want to beg anymore.
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From ANON - erin on April 10, 2005
wow, this is a really great, hot story! i love the harry/draco pairing, so this is right up my alley. the spelling and grammar needs a little work, but its never anything i cant figure out easily enough. i love how you have three different stories going on at once. i also love how harry and dracos relationship is blossoming, so unsure and uncomfortable, but still coming closer slowly but surely. ron and hermiones realtionship is downright cute. i love how theirs is coming along. well, i hope you update soon, as i am a fan of this story. thanks
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From ANON - erin on March 30, 2005
whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold up! whaaaaaaaaaaat the fuck? how...why...HOW?! this is confusing, how can harry be pregnant, what, have we mixed it with that arnold swarchinaggar (sp?) movie, "junior" or something? im sorry, but thats really fucked up! oh well, i shall continue to read nevertheless.
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From carriedemarchi on January 10, 2004
to Melpomene:

for the layout to be disjointed, it would be to say that things dont match up, that the end of one scene doesn't have anything to do with the beginning of another, or that they simply make a reader think, 'what the hell does that have to do with anything?' now, you may be thinking that, but it might come in later, like i established in the other post i made in regards to your comments.

the chapters at hogwarts aren't simply about the gossip of the student body. it's for developing ron and hermione as a couple, as well as what lupin thinks of harry, and what they're all going to do about it, and accept that draco andry ary are a couple when they find out how much deeper their relationship is. it's for them to understand how they could work, when they see another unlikely pair, neville and blaise. relationships don't just crop up over night in a story, unless it's that kind of story; this isn't. we're choosing to develop them, and developement takes time.

some people read it the way you have, and others don't. some people see what i just said above, and some people don't. there is nothing wrong with how a story is perceived, because not everyone sees the same things when they read, but unless you've given it extensive thought on all possible aspects should you consider telling an author that they shouldn't have things laid out the way they have been, or to revise an entire quartf a f a very long story. things have been laut mut months ahead of time, and trust me, this is the best way for it to have gone.

if there seems to be repetitive information in the hogwarts scenes, it's because they really don't have that much to talk about, and it shows. that's real life, because sometimes we don't really have much to say, so we say the same things over again. they're going to have to realize that they can't spend their time worrying about harry; we've given them a new distraction to focus on: each other. but it takes time for that to come about.

it might matter what the students think, and i can't really explain any more than that on the subject, because that might potentially be spoiling a section in the remainder of the story. there are death eater's children in school, and it could be interesting to hear, if they had been required to give feedback on harry's whereabouts during the yearkingking inferences about things to come is a good thing, whether you're right or wrong, but please, think farther when you have a question or a suggestion for something to be done differently. instead of saying that, think about why it could be important, or why it was included, or why things were done the way they were. like it said, it doesn't matter if they're right or wrong, but at least it would give you a broader view of what could possible happen in regards to what has already taken place.

as for the plot, that's right; if you knew what was going to happen, some people don't wish to read the thing at all since it would be a waste of their time. if you're the kind of person who is content to read shorter stories instead of ones the size of a novel, that's simply a personal preference. but to say it's a long time to get to a point that you have no idea whether we've past it already or are still coming to it, it isn't a very nice thing to say. we may have already made the point, but it could have been hidden in something obscure, like the rape scene, for instance, or any one of the character's monologues.

there will be twice that many chapters before we get to the end, so no, about half way through a story to get to the point isn't an issue. even a point of a story could come at the very end, and tie everything that happened up to that point together. haven't you ever read a story like that? perhaps not if you get impatient enough with something that isn't a marvellous work like a bame ame published author, dead or alive.

also, to use/have the name of a muse, it doesn't reflect very well upon yourself if you haven't considered all aspects of potential tragedy that has already given scars or will signal potential ones to come in latter chapters.

- carrie

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From ANON - Melpomene on January 09, 2004
I'd like to say that your reasoning is well founded but as a fan of your plot I was only suggesting you look over it again. The layout of the story seems a bit disjointed. They're are too many consecutive chapters dedicated to the happenings of gossip at Hogwarts. I say alright, have Hermione, Ron, and Lupin discuss what the coverup is going to be but do you really think it should take that long for them to find out that they have nothing to do or say to the school's population? Yes, of course, I agree that Harry's and Draco's disappearance is going to attract attention but why focus so much on time on gossip? Does it really matter what the students at Hogwarts think of it?

As for the plot, no, I haven't a clue on what is to happen. What would the purpose of reading it be, then? But don't you think forty-one chapters is a long time to get to the point?
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From carriedemarchi on January 09, 2004
to Melpomene:

you don't know what the plot is, then. there has been no deviation from the plot, and if you think there has been, you really don't understand what else is going to happen. first of all, you couldn't, unless you've been given previews (which you haven't). there is much more to the plot than has been alluded to in the story so far.

as with any school, if someone that is prominent in social circles is away, the rest of the students notice. the two of them in particular will raise questions, which in turn will need answering. what would you tell them, if you had no idea where or why two people who presumably hated each other took off without telling anyone? what ron, hermione and lupin have to say to each other or to the student body has nothing to do with harry's problem, or draco's acceptance of it. it has to do with the fact that people are nosy, and want to know where they went; if they don't have a good enough explanation, they're going to talk. and, since we don't intend to write anything in regards to the student body's thoughts on why harry and draco have left, we've given ron, hermione and lupin a chance to tell them why they've left.

if harry's not there to play seeker, that's pretty darn obvious, isn't it? aside from that, they don't know anything about harry's 'problem.' and, just like i said in the first paragraph: you do not know what the rest of the plotline is, so please don't assume you know what relates to it and what does not. continuity is a marvelous thing, and we'd prefer not to leave loose ends.

thank you for your suggestion, but there is no need for revising, as everything is following the plotline for the entire story that we already have planned out, from beginning to end. there is no filler, because filler is boring, pointless dribble that has no purpose in anything with a well developed plot or theme. everything that has been written pertains to the main focus of the story.

we have three beta readers. one has absolutely no interest in either pairing, but knows the characters; she does not have, in any sense, the same views as we do about where and how the stor goi going. another only does punctuation, spelling and grammar, and the third does over all plot and flow of the story as a whole. she's seen much more than you have, and knows much more than is as yet actually written in full form. if you think something is pointless information, think again, for your sake and ours; you might be wrong about something, whether you'd like to think so or not, because, honestly, no one wants to be wrong. =)

thanks for the review.

- carrie
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From ANON - Melpomene on January 05, 2004
It started off well but you've deviated from what I understand is the plot. What does Hermione and Ron's talk with Lupin about what the other students' think happened have anything to do with Harry's problem and Draco's acceptance of it? I don't see how that will help yo you your progress of the plot. I suggest you revise the whole thing and get a beta reader who doesn't have the exact same views you do. It's a great story and has potential but it has too much filler.
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From ANON - crimson violet eyes on December 09, 2003
Whoowee, how yummy. Lots of Draco and Harry smut. Kinda rough sex though. And Harry pregnant! And both of them running up to Siberia! That can't be healthy for the baby. I've not seen this fic before, but I love long, angsty, smut filled stories. How about Harry being dom for once? Love your story. Keep it up.
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