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Reviews for Lialani\'s Story

By : gryffindorsgirlie
  • From ANON - MICHAEL on June 07, 2004
    great story!!!! i don't know witch i like better HO/HG orHP/GW but i am glad you put harry with hermoine in the end



    Adn one more thing YOU CAN'T APARATE ON HOGWORTS GROUNDS!!! HONSTLEY DOSEN'T ANYONE READ HOGWARTS A HISTORY
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  • From gryffindorsgirlie on April 26, 2004
    Anon, why dont you just fucking go tol bel because, if you hate the story so much, JUST STOP FUCKING READING IT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!! goddess, youre being a bitch!
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  • From ANON - anon on April 26, 2004
    Oh, so you spelled the name of your main character wrong in only the FIRST EIGHT chapters. That explanation is soooo intelligent and just has me chomping at the bit to read this literary masterpiece.
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  • From gryffindorsgirlie on April 07, 2004
    Nikki, actually, i spelled it wrong in the first eight chapters and i havent fixed it yet. but thank you for reading chapter 9 and up.
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  • From ANON - Nikki on March 21, 2004
    Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but from Chapter 9 and up you have mispelled Lailani every single time. You should correctly spell the protagonists name in your story; it's right there at the top of the page if you forget.

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  • From gryffindorsgirlie on February 25, 2004
    okay, Anon, i just want to know why you feel the rude to be so rude. and just to let you know, serenitybloom is shocked that you were that rude.

    thank you, Aoibheann, for that constructine criticism, i REALLY appreciate it. im really happy that you have brought to light some things that i need to change and i will change them as i write. again, i thank you deeply.
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  • From ANON - Aoibheann on February 24, 2004
    Wow - such harsh words for something you can simply choose NOT to read. If you want some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, which is what reviews should be about:

    The writing is, at times, simplistic in nature. Not quite as juvenile in nature as these last three reviews from anon, tRacer, and honestly, but a bit unpracticed. You need to take the original character out of focus every now and then and give the readers a break from her. I have written fics with original an original character as one of the leads, but my OC also served as a springboard for a few more storylines and didn't always function as the one bright spot in the wizarding world.

    I appreciate that you are continuing on, and in later chapters, the writing does get a bit better. You should focus more on sentence structure, keeping your tenses agreeing, and proper grammatical structure. That and tweaking your plot a bit so there is MORE of one and you should be fine. I just wish you had started out by not using an original character so central to the story.

    Good luck, and understand that "reviewers" like the three mentioned above are not reviewers, they are flamers, and all they are trying to do is hurt your feelings. Writing is harsh, criticism can be cold, but you need to look at the reviews that offer you something constructive and move on.
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  • From ANON - honestly on February 24, 2004
    Yeah, it is kind of juvenile. Ummmm, the word drivel comes to mind.
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  • From ANON - tRacer on February 24, 2004
    See, im not the only one who thinks your story sucks bloody ass....

    With love,

    tRacer
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  • From ANON - Anon on February 12, 2004
    This is fucking horrible. Don't you wonder why no one is leaving reviews or reading this shitty story. It sucks and you remove all the HONEST reviews, how incredibly juvenile.
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  • From ANON - nonamenanashi on January 10, 2004
    very good. Actually Very very very goo. better than any thing i've written like that. Nice cliff hanger too for the next chapters. Hope u im me soon.
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  • From ANON - Jessi on January 08, 2004
    tRacer are you sure your even old enough to be on this web site??? Cause it sure doesn't sound like it!!! If you can't say anything constructive then don't read the stories, Fortunately we all have different tastes as to what we like, This Fic is not what I would read But that dosen't mean I have to be nasty about it. If your an adult you need to do some serious growing up , if your not then you need to get off this web site.
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  • From gryffindorsgirlie on January 05, 2004
    t-racer, screw off, and by the way, you have treadmarks on your ass. and the other two, thank you very much for being POLITE about how you felt about my fic. and you see, ive been writing it in my notebook, so im typing everything in for the first tme when its going into the chapter. and i went throught everything i have right now, and ive eliminated so many things that were all about brittni that i think the story will be pretty well done. and im not trying to make her into the "perfect little angel". shes going to have her problems. and she will be a unique character, a VERY unique character. but once again, i SINCERELY thank you for the reviews. im not being sarcastic here.
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  • From ANON - Darkus on January 05, 2004
    While I can agree with some of the points your other reviewer made, I cannot be quite as harsh. Your story has many good qualities that go in your favor. First, there aren't that many spelling errors. Believe me, I've read some that make your's look like it's been professionally edited. Second, your grammar isn't bad, nor is your punctuation. You help the reader by spacing your paragraphs well, and your work is easy to read. Any mistakes you have made are easily corrected by snagging a beta reader. Your biggest problem is that this story is the worst kind of Mary Sue there is: a self-insertion Mary Sue. Now don't get me wrong, some Mary Sue's can be amusing to read, but this is not. It is very painful, and frankly boring, to plow through a work that makes yourself the most interesting, perfect, lovable, etc, etc, etc, character that everyone falls in love with or is in awe of. It's a blatant fantasy that'll garner reviews that will scorch with extreme prejudice. You have potential kid. Use it by creating something more original. Heck, make your character a little wierd or boring at first. Look at Luna Lovegood. She suddenly appeared in the story, and made friends with the main characters by being odd. That's way more interesting than perfection. Oh, by the way, don't describe your character much. It slows the story down, and usually is only interesting to immature readers. It's one of my big pet peeves... Keep trying, though, but not with this premise. You'lld sod some heavy-duty flame retardant and a thick skin if you do.
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