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Reviews for Difficult Parenthood of a Divorced Wizard

By : Joga
  • From ANON - Campy Capybara on January 19, 2004
    //Unless you're the same author - which I seriously doubt, for that writer has a far better grasp of writing than this. //

    I stand corrected and I apologise for upsetting you. s ras rather angry for Joanna, whom I had reviewed and corresponded in the P&P fandom, in finding that a writer has taken her story wholesale. However, since you are she, then I guess that's it's your full right to use your story in anyway you see fit.

    Nonetheless, I found that the P&P version of your story to be much better written in terms of characterisation and storyflow. It is more than obvious that the situation in both Family Business and Difficult Parenthood are more suited to the P&P genre than the fundamentally different setting of Hogwarts, witches and wizards. At times, Difficult Parenthood of a Divorced Wizard reads awkwardly, characterisation of the Slytherins are OOC, and like what other reviewers pointed out, day school for witches are not known in the HP universe. This is why I felt that as Joanna, you had a far better grasp of writing.

    The thing is, I find that your use of your old story line in this fandom to be very unexpected. You are an excellent writer, Joanna, and I enjoy reading your 'original' wo Th Therefore, finding that you rehash the story by merely changing names and places is rather disappointing, since you have been writing fanfics for the past 5 to 6 years.

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  • From ANON - Draco_Fan on January 19, 2004
    Hm... that sucks. Ppl are dumb and will get you for anything, even as stupid as that. Don't worry about it!
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  • From ANON - Campy Capybara on January 19, 2004
    Chapter 2-5 review:
    Now I *know* I've read this fic before. In the P&P fanfic, the elder Mr. Bennet was the kind old judge wasn't he? The younger one was Ms. Elizabeth Bennet.

    I feel you ought to be honest and acknowledge your source. Otherwise this is blatant plagarism off another person's fic. Your storyline follows that P&P fanfic totally, only changing minor details to fit that story.

    Unless you're the same author - which I seriously doubt, for that writer has a far better grasp of writing than this.
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  • From ANON - Campy Capybara on January 19, 2004
    I don't think I'm wrong about this, but I think I've read this first chapter before, except that the role of Draco was Fitzwilliam Darcy, the woman who married him and left him, Anne de Bourgh. The bit about the mistaken pornography and Col Fitzwilliam was an irony in that modern fic based on the P&P fandom.

    Are you totally basing this story on that fic?
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  • From ANON - Winky on January 19, 2004
    I like the premise, now I would like to see more interaction between Draco and Hermione to see what kind of dynamic you can create there. That should be the main focus of this story, along with Draco's relationship with his daughter. I like Hermione as a judge and Draco as a successful (but not ruthless) businessman. Those are both believable future careers for them. I especially liked Hermione's crisp tone on the bench.

    All the attention on the other original characters, especially Hermione's ex-father-in-law (I mean who cares?), that's pretty much unnecessary filler IMO. Unless it's going to have some major impact on the story later on, don't spend any time on it. I think OCs should be kept to a minimum in all fanfics, except as necessary background characters or villains or to show the next generation (i.e. Anne-Marie) and not more than one major one per story. Don't assume we want to hear the backstory on every single one of them (like Draco's aunt or his ex-wife). You could have just said that Draco married an American fortune-hunter after university and divorced her a few years later, leaving him with a young daughter and saved yourself all that exposition (unless you plan on bringing Desiree or her mother back into the story at some future point).

    You had Vincent Crabbe's name right in the first few chapters (I assume you had reposted), and then at the end of chapter 5 you changed it to Goyle, even after acknowledging Zephyr's note to you about it. It should be easy to remember that Goyle is Gregory (GG) and that Crabbe is the other one. Also, Marcus Flint does not have a K in his name.

    One more nit-pick: not everyone in the fandom knows where "High Street Ken" is. It might be appropriate to spell out Kensington at least once, in case someone who's not from London wants to look on a map.

    Also, does Anne-Marie go to Hogwarts or some local day-school? Because at Hogwarts they certainly wouldn't have let her be truant, and she could have traded photos in the common room to her heart's content. Why an heiress would need to sell anything that petty seems bizarre. When she first said she'd been "selling," I thought she meant drugs or at least stolen goods or something. She only made it worse by not speaking clearly, but then kids are often stupid when it comes to confessions to their parents. Of course, with Lucius as his role model, I would have expected Draco to either be a really strict parent or a deliberately involved and loving father (trying to be the opposite of LM). So far he seems a bit wishy-washy in that department. Maybe he'll gain some real parenting skills out of all this.

    I look forward to seeing what'll happen next.
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  • From ANON - Kiristeen on January 18, 2004
    lolol Somehow, I don't think it was Vincent that got him out early. ::smirks:: But that's just a suspicion. : )~ Eagerly awaiting more.


    Kiri
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  • From ANON - anne on January 16, 2004
    this story is so ridiculouse and so unlikey that i am sorry to say it is sophc. c.
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  • From ANON - Draco_Fan on January 15, 2004
    Ouch... that sucks. Why is Hermione being such a bad-ass? And why is he getting in trouble if she is the one skipping?! Update soon... and i'm a tidbit confused... maybe you could clear a few things up....
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  • From ANON - Zephyr on January 15, 2004
    i like chapter 2 wow you are updateing this fast.. will there be more today???? I like it I really really do!!!
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  • From ANON - Zephyr on January 15, 2004
    Great start! The only problem is Draco's side kick.. It is either Gregory Goyle or Vincent Crabbe.. you seem to have mixed them into one per. Ot. Otherwise it is great! Can't wait for more!
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  • From ANON - elementaldeity on January 15, 2004
    Not a bad start, cant wait to see how this plays out
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