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Reviews for Touch

By : OnyxAngel
  • From ANON - girlnumberone on May 13, 2005
    It was good for me. You *touched* me. lol. Was it good for you
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  • From ANON - girlnumberone on May 13, 2005
    It was good for me. You *touched* me. lol. Was it good for you
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  • From ANON - Kelpy on January 03, 2005
    Whoa. This is very, very hot and very, very well written!


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  • From ANON - Anon on June 02, 2004
    Yes.
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  • From ANON - Anon on March 05, 2004
    i like
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  • From ANON - kai_z on February 13, 2004
    I'm not usually one for song fics, but you seem to have pulled this one off very well, possibly because of the way it is broken up into short, fleeting moments and images by the song lyrics. I felt that you also captured the first part (in particular) very well - it is vivid and gives the gets the reader into Hermione's head (um... so to speak.)
    There are a couple of 'suggestions' I thought I'd offer, in the interests of concrit. I hope I'm not being too presumptuous, as I'm hardly an expert myself...
    1) You seem a teensy bit overliberal with your us com commas - a few well placed ones break it up well, but too many make it seem just a little jumpy and disconnected (a little more than it probably should be).
    2) The counting thing (that is, "the ninth, and...", etc.). I liked this, at first, but I think that it might have worked a little better if it didn't carll tll the way through - perhaps like counting the 'touches' up to a certain point, and then getting so, er, *into* it that the number is forgotten... in my opinion it kind of seems a little too conscious for the, er, situation, to keep counting all the way through. Of course, it *does* help the flow, and it's an aesthetic consideration, so it's up to you to decide which you prefer, obviously.

    But overall, an excellent first effort :)
    omg lyke rit3 m0r!!!1!
    *cough*
    Sorry ^_^
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  • From ANON - cofaym on February 13, 2004
    very nicely done - especially for your first time!
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