Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Shadows In The Rain

By : LilCuppy
  • From ANON - Joanna Scarlett on September 21, 2004
    This is a well written story and a very good concept however, the reason that I have decided to stop reading it after chapter 6 is that she is far too young for there to be anything physical happening between them yet. If I am correct she is what, 14 by chapter 6? and Sev making out with a 14 year old girl.......well, that just veers way too close to the pedophile line for me and the fact that no one seems to not only not have a problem with it, but is happy about it just makes my skin crawl.

    Like I said, its a really good story and well written but just too disturbing to continue to read.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Elyse on July 14, 2004
    Would you PLEASE finish this fic. It is wonderful and I am about to die to see what happens next. I love the relationship between the two and when is Harry going to find otu she is his sister? PLEASE FINISH THIS!!!!!!

    Report Review

  • From ANON - victoria on April 25, 2004
    I like this storyline. A marysue it may be, but I like it.

    The only thought I have for you so far is encouragement to cease using such terms as, "He thought." Rather than voicing his thoughts, or having him mumble his thoughts directly under his breath, show his thoughts in actions. If he is frustrated, try:

    She left the room, her shoes tapping a frantic rhythm against the tile. Just as Snape turned to go to his dungeons, Harry Potter turned the corner. Snape hexed him, and removed fifty points from Griffendor's house for some minor insult, but this did not abate his frustration.

    THERE! The reader can tell he is irritated, without using a literary cop-out by simply stating his thoughts. Be coy. Make your readers read between the lines. All good literature has side-points that aren't clearly stated in the words, but the reader can still get the point
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Morrigan Of The Faeries on March 14, 2004
    Its pretty good so far, but its a little choppy. Do you have a Beta? If not, its a good idea to get one. When you go to upload another chapter, try writing it in the text form AFF provides. It will give you an idea on how to space out your paragraphs. The content is good, maybe you should develop angelina a bit more. Overall, its getting there!
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!