Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for A law to herself

By : Shiv5468

From ANON - Kaia Terra on May 24, 2005
This is excelently written! It has the same styleas the original books with being a bit more adult and basing it more on our heroine instead of the hero. It is beautiful for a story that is pure fanfiction, and you are going somewhere!

That said, I am very turned off by the many spelling errors, and it does make it difficult to read at every turn there is another one where the words seem to be jumbled together. This may be more the pages fault than yours, but I wish there could be something done about it, just a bit.

And yes, you need more smut! But otherwise, this is excellent, congratulations! I can not wait to read more!
Report Review
From ANON - Lady Snape on May 20, 2005
Wow! This is a truly amazing story, very well executed and also very well written. You are very loyal to the characters and handle your own story additions very delicately, giving it such authenticity! If I didn't know better, I'd think you really were Rowling having a bit of fun at our expense! Seriously though, I am throughly enjoying this story and beg you to deliver the next chapter asap! Not only that but you have inspired me to write my own Snape story. Hopefully the first chapter will be online soon for people to see what they think. Good luck with the rest of the story!
Report Review
From ANON - Vampire_Exotica on May 16, 2005
Wow! fantastic! This is the best marrige law story I've read (sorry to the rest but you have to agree) the others are fantastic don't get me wrong but you have stayed the truest to the original characters which I love. Will there be more? Please say there will be more? Ever thought about writing for a living? If you don't already? If you do or are interested I'm moving into the media world as a director and ok we can't do harry potter but your writing is fantastic and if you write a book as good as some of the stuff your writing now it would be a hot sell both in book and film form. hint hint! lol Please keep up the good work. I can't wait to see more. now offically a fan

Vampire Exotica

x
Report Review
From ANON - Chibi_Squirt on May 01, 2005
I've read through this piece a couple of times, and overall, it's a very good story. Your characterization of Hermione and Snape's marriage is (for once!) reasonably realistic. Your syntax, imagery, use of analogies, and tone are all quite good. Tone in particular is splendid, as it's very much like I would imagine Hermione would think. There are only a few nits I have to pick.

One is the obvious spelling error--every once in a while the last four letters will repeat themselves, superimposing themselves over what came before, leading to a bit of confusion. I didn't notice it in the seventeenth chapter--did you get a new word program or new computer or something? It certainly seems to be more of a computer error than a human one.

The next is that the premise is wholly unrealistic. Because pretty much everything else in the story is realistic, this is fairly easy to overlook. I just can't imagine Hermione thinking of SNAPE as someone she'd marry--she's much more likely to just go with Ron as the cop-out, concerns of Ministry persecution included. And I can't imagine Snape agreeing to it, even if she did propose. But because every other way they relate is in character, the odd behavior at the beginning is of only marginal importance. (I particularly thought that Hermione's damp summer romance was in character; she's not logical all the time, and that's exactly the sort of thing as smart girl would talk herself into.)

What ISN'T in character is your Dumbledore. What on Earth do you have against that man? He would NEVER propose to a student! In your stories, he's a lecherous, pathetic parody of some anonymous old man; he's not DUMBLEDORE in your stories. Yes, he was bitchy to Harry in the fifth book, but he wasn't THAT bitchy, not by a long shot. In point of fact, when Harry was storming around Dumbledore's office at the end, I'd have walked over and slapped him, not sat patiently behind the desk. The fifth book is what finally convinced me that Dumbledore wasn't evil. He wouldn't propose to a student, ANY student; he also wouldn't get in the way like you have him do in Dirty Deeds, and he probably wouldn't support a law that limits freedom like the Marriage law does, although that one I could see the argument being made.

In general, Dumbledore tends to leave people to work things out on their own, not try to impose his will on them. Every once in a while, he'll toss them a stimulus, but in general he lets them do their own thing. Your story--stories, in fact, I've read a number--complete misses that, and where they interact with him, whether speaking to him or just thinking about him, every other character is OOC too.

On the whole, your stories are very well-written. In fact, the only things I can see as bad (other than the spelling thing, which again I suspect of being computer-error) is your interpretation of canon characters. With this in mind, I strongly recommend that if you haven't already, you write some original works. With your own characters, obviously you won't interpret them differently than the author intended, and your ability is frankly good enough. Given what I've read, I'd particularly recommend you go into romance, possibly romantic fantasy.

Good luck,

Chibi_Squirt

PS--I'd love to see you do a Dumbledore-redemption story, since you're so down on him!
Report Review
From ANON - Triospleasure on April 27, 2005
Brilliant!!!

Trio
Report Review
From ANON - Susan on April 21, 2005
I love this even though I have no idea whether or not they will end up together. As friends, they are formidable. As a help for the *snicker* morning breath issue, both muggles and wizards might find that an apple at the bedside table may be a help. A bite or two gets rid of that affliction damn quick. This really is a fantastic read and I am so glad that it has not been abandoned. Thanks, Shiv.
Report Review
From on April 21, 2005
I'm absolutely loving this story. I've just read all the chapters so far in one sitting and am tired and have eye-strain but I couldn't stop reading. Both SS and HG are right in character. Sev seems to be slightly Jeeves-like (his concern about muggle clothing and asking for such small favours as shorter essays - reminds me of Jeeves asking Wooster to throw away an offensive new hat!). I thought the consummation was about right and I bit back a sob when H said "It was, in a way" of it being an act of love. Please update soon - I can't wait! This is a fic that is very close to how I see the characters and the humour works for me. I don't know how H can resist pinning Sev up against the wall and snogging him senseless but you have to admire her restraint! I get twitchy and jealous for her every time the blond witch is mentioned. By the way - does H use Sev's bathroom?
Report Review
From ANON - Pathatlon on April 19, 2005
Ps. Please alert of your updating in your LJ, that's where I saw this story and I don't have a user in here, so I can't save it as my favourites... if there's anything like that in here :D
Report Review
From ANON - Pathatlon on April 19, 2005
Hullo. Just wanted to tell you that I really like your story, and I hope to see more of it soon. Please update asap.

Report Review
From ANON - Shadowknight on April 19, 2005
I am impressed at the quality of this work. Well done, and please keep going. The consummation was handled rather well, and quite reflective of things can and do happen in "real life" under similar circumstances. The fact that Hermione's first time with the muggle boy wasn't all what she thought it would be was appropriate to the context of the story. Seeing both Serverus and Hermione growing gradually closer in spite of/because of the circumstances is nice also. I look forward to reading onward of ch. 17, and more works.
Report Review
From ANON - elisa0984 on April 18, 2005
What a surprise! I'm still smirking over Severus's embarassment.
Report Review
From ANON - Elisa on April 06, 2005
Hi, I have enjoyed tremendously your story. It`s well written, interesting and amusing.
Hope to read its ending sometime soon.
Report Review
From ANON - cythenocturne on March 30, 2005
You write a good story. Easiest way to put it, really. I like the strength.
Report Review
From ANON - lemonade on March 19, 2005
This is fun. I'd love to see the New Year's party.
Report Review
From ANON - silverfang on February 20, 2005
This is a really good story I hope you update soon.
Report Review