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Reviews for Hermione and Snape and Umbridge

By : HarryPotterfanatic
  • From ANON - Charybdis on May 31, 2004
    That was weird. Ironically, you do stream-of-consciousness well, and for once develop the emotional trauma of rape rather than the physical. But your story could use a lot of improvement. First off, where are you going with this? Second, segment your text into nice easy-on-the-eyes paragraphs. Third, cut out all of the excess. Fourth, edit spelling and grammar more scrupulously. Fifth, I'm rather fond of Snape--what have you done to him?! Why has he done such a horrible, torturous, despicable, painful, wretched, terrible, traumatic, disfiguring thing? Sixth, where are you going with this? You have the potential to be a much better writer, but you must put more effort into your work than you have here.
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  • From ANON - Nikichan on May 03, 2004
    Great job on this one. You personify Harry, Ron, and Hermione perfectly. I can actually hear the characters say what you write, that means you have great skill.
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  • From HarryPotterfanatic on May 03, 2004
    Yes I am reveiwing my own story
    I am telling you all to review
    Now

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  • From ANON - Chris on April 19, 2004
    hi
    great idear when will the next chapter be up?
    can you tell me?
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