Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for SMOLDERING WITHIN

By : kimberjingle1

From BubblesFreak15 on December 07, 2012
I think theres a mess up with chapter 3. There is a lot missing between the rn and chapter 4. There isnt even any cherries and bathroom stalls.
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From BubblesFreak15 on December 07, 2012
I love this. Its so realistic. I love how harry is experimenting with himself ro come to terms with it. I love his relationship with tonks. It reminds me of my own best friend. I like that harry is powerful and that you actuall go into detail about it. I also love that harry is a hunk and how organized he is bit also likes to be bold and wear leather sometimes.
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From angelsofdeath on February 27, 2007
umm...issit me..or does the last chapter goes a bit sweatdropping.. why are there japanese names in harry/draco fics?? n...i still dont see harry/draco slash around... is he gonna confess any sooner or what???? *blur*
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From ANON - Amanda on December 02, 2006
wow amazing story so far but your third and fourth chapters are having some problems. In the third one a hell of a lot was cut out, the fourth one wasnt put into paragraph form and it also skips around, and ends off with Inuyasha, I dont know if you know this but I thought id inform you. Otherwiose the first two chapters have been amazing keep it up!
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From ANON - lilly on July 20, 2006
this is good so far, but why did the chapter end so suddenly? i really want to read the rest of this, and i cant even open your homepage.
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From ANON - June on January 14, 2006
I love your stories. Anyway i was recently trying to get on your website and it wasn't there. Is there any other place where i can read your stories?
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From ANON - Ravynsword on November 30, 2005
Okaaaaaaay, what in the bloody hell happened??? I was all for it, it was going great, good characterizations, working dialong, and section four just pulled a Douglas Adams and hitchhiked into the Twilight Zone! Hopefully you can retrieve the storyline and get it going smoothly again, but I'm lost for now.
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From ANON - malene on November 29, 2005
Hei!!
I really like your story. and harry is really adoreble in it. But it seems like sometimes in the middle of the story things er missing. in chapter 4 you hear about the trip to the movie and harry telling them he was gay. but the whole stro isent there? ANd again in chapter 4 suddenly you er writting about harry and ginny in a forest whit some elves, what is that about??
hope yoy finis it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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From ANON - MajinSakuko on October 29, 2004
Once Again
I kind of liked the plot, great parts of it, actually. What I didn't like was more and more parts of your style, sorry. Every time I would read the 'Love me, I was an orphan' parts followed by 'An orphan with four parents' or the dreaded 'Figure that out' it would make me bristle. It was honestly getting on my nerves. I developed an antipathy against the word 'tease' which was used way too often in your fic. How often can you use the 'You're so weird, odd, strange, whatever' in one chapter?
I liked the conversations between Draco and Harr ver very much, especially how Draco was so keen on getting pregnant, it was so sweet. This is a thing you can write about quite a few times during a fic, but every tiny bit of new information (Harry being Aisas, having this other f bei being this Marvesva, Draco getting Aisas as well, Harry and Draco not getting a bavihettah...) was always repeated to every known (and new introduced) person, and it was just plain boring. Great parts I had to just skip and scroll down because it was nothing more than blah-blah for me. I'm sorry if this just sounds like I'm trying to flame you badly, but I don't just give reviews that say 'I love it,' because I didn't love this one, so I tell you my honest opinion. There was too much talk, and even if it's nice to be able to say you've got a novel-length story (or ten), you could cut half of the story out and it would be better. The most irritating and tiresome thing was that every time something happened (i.e.: Harry taking a shower to get rid of the sweat, some new word, anything ...) someone would ask the question (i.e.: "Why did you have him take a shower?") and then someone else would explain it. That is absolutely unnecessary! 1. Your er *er *knows* that, because you've at least explained it twice already. 2. Even if we didn't know it, you've got to let us know some other way. This is like reading some kind of information surplus. Everything is like Question, Answer, Question, Answer, and that is dull.
I liked the MPreg parts, I'm a fan of that, and the sexual experiments were nice, but kind of reminded of your other fics.
I enjoyed the scene where Harry teased Snape very much, though Sev was very little seen *pout*

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From ANON - makun on September 26, 2004
just thought that id review a bit more after reading everyone else's giving such emotional reviews. i will say that i looked up every song that you had mentioned and listened to them. this was so emotional and you had me on wits end the entire time. i loved the 'baby' and all of the 'i love you' and that final night with harry in chap 29/30 and just everything about fic was so memorable. and for those of you who think it is done try checking on the end of chapter 2 3 or 4 she lists her site. thats where ive been for the past few weeks. i wake in the morn read it afternoon i read it. finally i finished it and i love the whole "o soft what light through yonder breaks" and the lucius and everything i loved your fic. and i loved mark too a little and i noticed you never mentioned him and what happened but we can safely guess. i just adored this fic so much i cannot begin to express in words what i feel. you are trult amazing and keep writing more. i am at your site constantly and plan to start a new fic there soon.
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From ANON - makun on September 26, 2004
hey! well a few weeks ago i went to your site and for awhile forgot all about the other sites. i stayed there and am proud to say i just finished it FINALLY last night around 1 in the morn. all 30 CHAPTERS! omg wonderful. I keep pushing my cousin to read it and she says she is in October. I plan to read your other fics as well. It is by far the best I have read. No question asked. Great Job. Love your site.
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From ANON - MajinSakuko on September 20, 2004
smoldering within - Great story, great plot, I adored it. It was only very few times it seemed a bit wordy, but with a novel length fic that's nothing! I liked the humour and witty responses everyone seemed to have. The lemons (I didn't really read anything beside Harry/Draco ^^) were excellent. I think I found only one mistake:
"That was the closest yet, Albus," the mediwizard said.
-> but didn't you write that after each suicide attempt, the mediwizards were obliviated? I'm not totally sure, but I think so ;P
And maybe Pansy's transformation was a bit difficult to follow. I thought she loved Draco not Aaron *scratch head*
Great, again, the next I'm reading will be 'Once Again'
wri write as soon as I'm finished
MajinSakuko
Once Again: It is a bit wordy, the conversations (it seems as if that everything that happens is going to be told at least twice to all people around) are a bit too much for me and I scroll down a lot. I think I liked this story better than the last I read ^^
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From ANON - Trudi Alexi on September 02, 2004
Amazing. I loved the first few chapters and saw the note on Chapeter 3 of the complete story and found it.

I loved your development Harry and his first relationships and his involvement with his his friends.
I do not want to give anything away from those who have not read it but I found that I laughed and was excited with the danger and adventure of what Harry has to go through. I found that I wept and understood the anguish your characters had gone through.

It is an amazing story and I am already working reading some of the other HP/DM novel length Fic's you have done allowing myself to enjoy the amazing writer you are and the story you have told. Thank you for the great story.

Thank you always
Alexi
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From ANON - Michelle on August 31, 2004
Two things....

One, you seem to be missing a chapter. Chapter 4 to be precise.

Two, you lied!! You said this was complete, but it's not! Now, I'm frustrated about not knowing what's happened.

Please say you have another chapter somewhere that I didn't see. Or something, anything!!

Help me out here.

I hope to hear something, i.e. read the next wonderful chapter soon.

Sincerely,
Michelle W.

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From ANON - chocs on August 31, 2004
this story is amazing!!!!!! I just wanted you to know that this is the best story I have ever read. Your style is proffessional and light; your characters are beautifully developed. It has a sense of unity, with nothing being out of bounds. Perfect! However, I am confused on one point. What did you mean by COMPLETE in the summary. Is it finished for real? If it is, then I am about to cry, as I want this story to go on forever. Plus, it didn'em fem finished to me in the last chapter. But if it is, so be it. Please send me a site with more of your stories. I really want to read more of your writi
Tha
Thank you!!!!!!!!!
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