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Reviews for Broken Smile

By : pidge
  • From ANON - anonymous on October 18, 2004
    Can't wait to read what happens next!
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  • From ANON - eQ on October 17, 2004
    Oh, damn, I just had a thought: Voldemort wants Hermione, for her power (or some such), which is what Harry and Ron are not telling her. Harry and Ron are going to go off to meet Moldie right now (w/ /o t/o the Order members; it's a moot point). Probably both of them aren't coming back (or at least not Ron)... Hermione's gonna be in charge of killing Voldie, and now Charlie has a chance to be the one protecting/holding her... OK, so that randomly came to me, but I'm guessing I'm at least partially right... Guess I'll find out next chapter. ;)
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  • From ANON - lacy on October 16, 2004
    Nice story! Really enjoying the twisting plot.
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  • From ANON - LucKyo on October 15, 2004
    I'll be short and sweet. Story is still good...keep it up! And keep the chapters coming. ^_^
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  • From ANON - Jamie on October 15, 2004
    Sorry about your Nana. This chapter was good. I reread Chpt 9 b/c I thought I'd miss it's posting, but even though I read it the first time, reading it again helped me to refresh. ;) This is an interesting love triangle you have going on with Charlie and Herm and Ron... You even had Hermione say that Charlie found her soul (but Ron has her heart)... this is gonna get complicated, I can tell... The next chpt is darker? hmmm, Moldie-shorts is rearing his ugly head again, isn't he? Good luck with the next chapter. :)

    btw, constructive criticism: You have to be 11 by Sept. 1 in order to start as a First Year at Hogwarts. Therefore, Hermione was 11 by the time she started, with Harry and Ron. If the "emergency Order meeting" happened approximately two weeks before school started, that would be mid-August, so chances are Hermione is already 17. (Since you said Ron is "of age" (i.e. 17), and it's past July 31, that means Harry has already had his 17th birthday as well... and I think I read somewhere that JKR said that Hermione's birthday in is (um, I believe) April (at least sometime in the spring)...) Either way, I think that Hermione is slightly older than Harry... which means that Hermione would be old enough to go to the Order meeting as well... Just thought that you might wanted to have included that, or acknowledge the confusion... You *could* make brief reference to a birthday party held for Hermione right before school... or you could just ignore me altogether. ;) lol... sorry, I'll stop telling you how to write your story. ;)
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  • From ANON - LaRoseNoire on October 14, 2004
    Please, please find a beta reader. It is impossible to enjoy a story with such rampant errors in spelling, grammar and word choice.
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  • From ANON - Immortal on September 29, 2004
    I can't stop reading this story

    keep up the good work your a gifted writer.

    now i'nishnish kissing up i must ask any chance of seeing the twins get a go with Hermione just a thought

    lol

    The Immortal
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  • From ANON - bomb man on September 29, 2004
    I love this story it's the bomb.
    i think emma watson is a babe and picture her when i read your story.
    as for the spelling it's not that bad and it's getting much better now.

    this story kicks ass 10 out 10 for me

    keep rocking the pen..........
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  • From Excel on September 28, 2004
    What can I say about this story? Hmm..what a great story. I love how Ron and Herm int interact in this story and een the parts with Charlie are quite adorable. I'm now even starting to lean toward reading Charlie/Hermione fics, besides my Ron/Hermione obsession.
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  • From ANON - LucKyo on September 27, 2004
    I've got to hand it to you, this is a really good story. I can't help but be drawn into the plot.
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  • From ANON - Nee on September 27, 2004
    I wasn't sure if your beta had actually done anything on the chapters you have up because they are rife with punctuation and spelling errors. You have apostrophes where they don't belong, there's "your" when it should be "you, "w, "where" when you need "were" and even in your summary it says "cry's" instead of "cries." Is English your first language? If your beta has been through this work and edited it, then your beta needs a beta. You have a good start, but the errors are distracting. Run this through Word -- it will catch and underline the problems and give you suggestions.
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  • From ANON - Jack10 on September 27, 2004
    Wonderful! It's so cute to see Hermione with Ron.(A great het pairing.) Keep it up!

    Jack
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  • From ANON - Jamie on September 27, 2004
    Damn. Well now you've got me all confused. ;) lol... Although I'm still rooting for Charlie. :) I'm trying to "read between the lines" but you've got a lot of subtext, girl! ;) rofl.... Anyway, grammar/spelling has improved, so good job. Keep working on it :)
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  • From ANON - LucKyo (notged ged in) on September 26, 2004
    Spelling errors aside, this is a brilliant story. I was intruiged from the chapter one and I love the ever changing relationship Ron and Hermione have. Although I do wish this had more of a Ron/Hermione/Charlie love triangle going. It would serve Ron right! Anyway, wonderful job on this. Can't wait for the next chapter!
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  • From ANON - Jamie on September 26, 2004
    Heya ;) Betcha thought I forgot about youdn'tdn't ya? ;) hehehe. Lol, after that cookie-and-water bit, I knew that you'd pick Charlie for Herm. Anyway, this chapter. Poor Ron; he's so messed up. Even though he's got a girlfriend, it probably wouldn't be a good fic w/o Ron being pissed that Hermione was with someone (ESPECIALLY one of HIS brothers! :-D hahaha). Ron's gonna need to sort through some things... Something tells me that this scene in the snow is gonna be what fuels Ron to go ahead and do something to Malfoy when they get back to school. ;) I wonder if I'm right... Er, again, trying to be constructive here, but was Pinky-betabeta not able to look over this chapter? Not to be mean, but you haven't had so many mistakes since chapter 2 or so... Anyway, a note to Pinky-the-beta: If you're gonna be a beta, you need to beta; personal experience talking here; authors *hate* it when you don't read over their chapters carefully. Note to both of you: "were" versus "where"... WHOLE different kinds of meanings/usages/etc with these two words... please be careful that you aren't using "where" when you mean to use "were"... :) Thanks. Ok, but again, I liked it. You had good content, good flow, and a decent-length chapter. :) Keep up the good work, kiddo!
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