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Reviews for Harry Potter and the Sisters Black

By : oldwolf

From ANON - harryhollow on July 31, 2005
please update soon! I just can't wait to read more!!
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From ANON - Zero on July 30, 2005
Great stuff! Simply great!
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From sasqch on July 29, 2005
Well, no wasted time in this chapter.

Cho's initiation was fairly interesting. I really liked how Harry kept stressing the fact that his first response was to refuse Cho's request. But that it was on the behalf of his women, the people he has grown to rely and trust implicitly, that she was there at all. I found Cho's reaction to the final step of the potion creation to be a believable character trait -- she's there for Harry, not his retainers. She would definitely be one of those who teased Luna as being weird, and therefore would find Ron just as odd for being with her. I liked how both Ron and Neville each thought of their respective partners while contributing their portions to the serum.

The actual rite to remove the plug, and therefore allowing Harry to claim Cho, was another scene filled with potential. Everybody had to take turns. This would imply not just Harry's Thralls since his retainers are not described as leaving the room (and Hermione is described just as drained as the Thralls at the end). This additional abasement would further show just what Cho is giving up -- any and all control over her life. But like Tonks and Pansy, it was a conscious choice. My one question now is the hierarchy within the Thralls. I easily see the Sisters Black (including Tonks) being an equal level of Leads. But between Pansy and Cho, who would be higher in the pecking order? Pansy was taken before Cho, but Cho had approached Harry first. And of course, Pansy has been acting quite rebellious, first insulting her Mistress, then resisting cleaning Harry after Cho's taking, and finally resisting the undergarment command later. Will Cho be able to order Pansy (like the Sisters Black have been able to command Pansy earlier) or vice versa? Also, I'm just curious seeing as up until this point Cho has been a particularly specific recipient of Hermione's attentions. Now that she is a full-fledged Thrall will this change? And will Hermione now turn more of her dominant nature towards the more insubordinate Thrall (Pansy), if her actions towards Cho were an attempt to make her question her path towards becoming one of Harry's Thralls.

As for the rest of the chapter, the major points were the character development. Particularly the advancement of Hermione and Harry's relationship. I found Hermione's very open fellatio of Harry during Cho's ceremony to be quite striking. This could be taken as a very big step in their fledging relationship, especially if the others did indeed not leave the room. This would be the second time in two chapters that she initiated such an intimate act. And at the end of the ceremony, Harry made sure to "carry" Hermione back to their bed. Add into this equation their touching and romantic date. It's obvious that the attraction is mutual, but so is the fear of offending and losing the other person. I found the hen session comparing the stages of the respective relationships to be interesting in that it seemed almost an attempt on Tonks' part to jumpstart Hermione a bit more. As much as Hermione thinks that Harry would not mind having a child with Tonks, my take on his character would be that he would want his first child to be with his wife, not with a Thrall, no matter how much they loved each other. So it is obvious that Tonks has an additional impetus to get Hermione to speed up her motions. Which makes me wonder if the last bit in the chapter (you know, the one designed to give Harry a heart attack) was instigated by Hermione herself. I could easily see her being too shy to test the waters herself, but her father could possibly be able to tell that she is in love with Harry. And despite the earlier promises that nothing would happen between the two, he would want to do whatever it took to make his daughter happy. With luck, between Tonks, Hermione's dad, and the peer pressure brought by Luna and Ginny, maybe Hermione and Harry will be able to start to take the next step.

As to the other story points, I liked how Harry is still nervous over the next public display. Between this and his response to Cissa's comment about her preferred coupling, Harry really has no worry about becoming dark. But knowing his character, he is incapable of seeing this facet and will continue being concerned about whether or not he truly is being corrupted. The werewolf agenda was another good move. With the controlling potion/cure combined with the pressure against Fudge, Harry will be making a huge strike against Voldemort. I found the blackmail approach of using Skeeter against Fudge to be quite humorous. I must admit that I was a bit surprised, though, that Harry included Pansy in his Think Tank of Cissa and Hermione. I would have guessed that Harry would be a bit suspect of her, given her rebellious streak, and her serious problem in accepting Hermione in a position of authority.

Chris
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From ANON - Prince Charon on July 29, 2005
Very good, very interesting part.

Unexpected question at the end, there.

More soon, please.
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From TheDarkBeginning on July 29, 2005
yay, loved the new chapter, cannot wait for more. The end actually had me laughing......something a truly loving father would ask his daughter's boyfriend....

anyway thanks for the great read.

*trying to wait patiently to read more*
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From ANON - Neith on July 29, 2005
Well... there's a lot in here that's worrying. Such as the incest. It doesn't matter if it's a male or female related, it's still incest and it's still illigal. o_o

Anyway.

I found that the characters are nothing like what they are in the books. You could easily slap a new name on each, pretend that this is in teh future or something, and we'd never know who was supposed to be who. That's not good when writing fanfiction, because you want people to identify characters. That's a big part of it, seeing them as themselves, but in new situations and plots.

Also, there wasn't much plot. I know there's plot in the background, but it seems to be one of the lesser important things. And seriously, can't you do a chapter without cock, staff, or cum in it? Is this a fic for horny guys only, or is it because you had a plot in mind?

I would have expected Harry to be more shell shocked at the result of the spell, in the first few chapters. He'd just taken away a person's entire freedom, a person's state of mind, he'd just replaced someone's feelings, thoughts, desires... and made them all centred on him. Doesn't Harry usually not want to be looked at as the hero/chosen one/ect? Now he has two grown women, both over 35, following him around like lost puppies because of a spell that he was tricked into using. By the very man who caused the deaths of his parents.
And what about Tonks? Is it possible that she had been forced into what she chose? Impedimus is powerful. I know that in your plot, she wanted it... but it's a suggestion. After all, after the spell was cast, she'd be quite certian about what she wanted- her master. She'd never have told him, it would have upset him.
And imgaine if Voldemort sent other women his way, that he liked, to help lure him?

There is too much sex. Silly for me to say, this is a smut fic... but if you hold off on it, it makes it more exciting to read. People won't automatically get what they want, they'll have to wait for new chapters, they'll sit around and tell you to 'HURRY UP!', because you're holding off on them. :) Torture, but the good kind. And besides, there's a lot of Voldemort plot that you really need to get Harry to think about. Chapters without sex would do that, and leave everyone pouting at you, and being drawn in more to the story.

You, as a writer, have a lot of potential. I seriously think you should stop writing new chapters for the moment, and reread everything you've written so far. It'd not only help you remember what's been happening (30 chapters is a lot), but you could edit some bits, typos, mistakes, add a few bits that you think would be good, or take out bits. Not only would you be doing yourself a favor (The writing improves as you create new chapters, so you're clearly getting a lot better), but it would also help new readers to see that you're not quite as bad as you were when you started.
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From Silverbreeze on July 29, 2005
wow.... I like the fic cause this is a lifestyle that I enjoy and I love Fandom versions of HP... But Hermione's dad... Errr... That is not a Normal Question!!!!! I am kinda hoping that Hermione asks Harry for that First Wife spell or there is another one that makes her pretty much his equal yet lets her share knowledge and power with him... And yes I SAW that "...Harry. master..." thing at the end a few chapters ago
Good luck and continue
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From ANON - wes on July 29, 2005
ok ducky you are a fucktard shut up if you don
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From ANON - chaos kitsune on July 29, 2005
*glares and walks off muttering about chafeing *
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From ANON - wes on July 29, 2005
lol now that is a quistion i would not want to answer to a father so he is cured good for him and finally i have my answer cant wait for the next chapter i liked this one a lot it was better than the last couple more on with your first chapters
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From ANON - Anon on July 28, 2005
Hey, That chapter was... umm... interesting?... it was good but interesting in a weird sort of way... I look forward to the next chapter and hope harry and/or hermione makes a move soon... Harry casting the first wife spell would be a nice touch but they arent quite there yet... btw... whatever happened to/with Draco... and i would really like to see a bit more of a return to some classes perhaps DADA or potions... i know harry knows all the stuff but given that it is currently the school year harry is doing an awful lot but i think it just seems that way because he isnt "attending" classes in the sense we dont see him attend... therefore the stuff harry is doing just seems like alot even when you try to explain it by saying the rest of the week or by saying the day before the actions occur because the actions have no baseline to tie them together with time...
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From ANON - Drake Smythe on July 28, 2005
While I was hoping that the buggering scene between Harry and Hermione would finally take pla, it seems that we will at least see it soon. I am guessing that you are going to have Hermione's Father to ask, more like promt, Harry to bugger Hermione on her behalf. Maybe you came make the scenes more explicit, since most of the scenes nowadays are no longer as vivid as before. Can I suggest that the event take place at some home Harry buys, say somewhere in the mediterranean, with a beach on his property. Nobody but Harry and Hermione, and maybe the Black sisters. I absolutely love the scenes where you have Harry treat Pansy like a dog, she needs her ego to go down. Although,it seems like Harry's friends are taking advantage of his thralls, I though only he, and Hermione because of their love, would be allowed to command them. Hopefully you can have Harry finally cast the first wife her, jinx, whatever it is.
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From ANON - ducky on July 26, 2005
I really wonder what you're smoking when you wrote THIS chapter. I dont think, seeing how protective harry is, that he'd EVER allow ANYONE to touch any of this "thralls" To just accept a blowjob from a complete stranger was so utterly stupid... How is that punishment? Thats more like whoring her out, thats friggen basically what he did, he whored her out. Like some... harlot off the street. So it was her fault that Petunia was a desperate woman and harry has no self control to stop the blowjob from happening? Gosh... So many sick ass things in this story... It was doing okay till the petunia ordeal .. now your just being weird. You've leveled yourself to all those disgusting people who write about the twins together or ginnny/ron. Gawd.. Some people... AND OH GAWD.. why would he act out the pentunia/tonks scene with tonks as his aunt? Are their really that many weirdos out there that can enjoy all this sick perverted crap in this story?

Shiat.. what's this world coming to? This.. sick feeling in my stomache just wont go away.. Damn.. why didn't I stop reading RIGHT at the moment where petunia sucked harry... Gosh.. I gotta learn to trust my instincts.

Anyway, putting that aside I guess this is an okay story. Harry's dialogue is utterly horrible, some of your plot ideas are really lame, but other than that you've got a descent thing going. I was thinking that by the 13th chapter your skill at writing sex scenes would have at least gotten a little better, but some of them are still a little dry. Most of the time its something like "bella bounced in his lap and harry comes" Its getting better.. but i aint stickin around to find out. I dont want anymore of my dinner on the floor.

It WAS a good read. ..was..pity you just had to butcher it so many times.

later
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From ANON - ducky on July 26, 2005
Well, I kept reading, just cause i wanted to know why the hell you did that. and the only reason i see is because petunia is mind numbingly desperate. Harry has been violated. I'm wondering why he didn't keel over and throw up right away but apparantly you're feeding me this bull that he finds her attractive. Thats so ew I can't think straight. Tonks transforming into harry... Kinky but pretty funny.
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From ANON - staryblue on July 26, 2005
I think imma puke. A little warning would have been nice. I dont know how people can enjoy reading, let alone writing about harry getting blowed by petunia, but thats some twisted stuff. Um, why did you write that? I mean.. really, what sort of motivation are you deriving this from? Petunia, PETUNIA, whom we've only heard bad things about and yet you have Harry letting his aunt suck him off? He has no respect at all for his relatives and... wow... thats just so out of character its almost funny.

Meh. whatever rocks your boat man.
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