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Reviews for A Discovery of Lust

By : KreativeKindler
  • From Excel on October 30, 2004
    Yes, finally! I was searching a long time (few days in reality ^_^) and NOT finding any Luna/Draco pairings until now. Highly enjoyable fic. I hope you do more soon.
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  • From on October 30, 2004
    i was never very interrested in reading stories with luna in it , until now. that was hot.
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  • From ANON - trixrstrange on October 29, 2004
    Hey!! Sorry I'm not logged in but hell you know me ^_~ Yet another absolutely brilliant FF! Can't wait for the next one to hit you randomly.

    Love, Hugs and Bludgers,

    Trix
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  • From ANON - Tom on October 29, 2004
    oops, sorry, accidentally submitted my review twice
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  • From ANON - Tom on October 29, 2004
    Not bad, not bad at all. A couple of small points though: firstly, i think you should lose all the "...". I sort of see what you're trying to do, but all it serves to do is make the sentences fragmentary and difficult to read. Secondly, your style sometimes veers into Mills and Boon bodice-ripper territory. I don't know if this is what you were aiming for, but as there is so much of that on the net I would suggest you tone it down a little: fewer "throbbing manhoods" and so on. Also, lose the phrase "sex juice", it just sounds ridiculous. Thirdly and finally, Nickelback suck. Really, they do. As for Avril Lavigne... but I digress. Regardless of the quality of the music, songfics are tricky at the best of times. I felt the choice of song was inappropriate, and you could have integrated it better with the story. By this I mean putting it in a couplet or so at a time rather than chucking in whole verses like that. Anyway, I'll finish by saying that I was very impressed by your story, your writing is already much better than a lot of the fanfic out there, and you show great promise as a new writer. Myve cve comments are only intended as constructive criticism to enable you to reach your ful potential. Looking forward to seeing more of your work, Tom.
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  • From ANON - Tom on October 29, 2004
    Not bad, not bad at all. A couple of small points though: firstly, i think you should lose all the "...". I sort of see what you're trying to do, but all it ss tos to do is make the sentences fragmentary and difficult to read. Secondly, your style sometimes veers into Mills and Boon bo-rip-ripper territory. I don't know if this is what you were aiming for, but as there is so much of that on the I woI would suggest you tone it down a little: fewer "throbbing manhoods" and so on. Also, lose the phrase "sex juice", it just sounds ridiculous. Thirdly and finally, Nickelback suck. Really, they do. As for Avril Lavigne... but I digress. Regardless of the quality of the music, songfics are tricky at the best of times. I felt the choice of song was inappropriate, and you d had have integrated it better with the story. By this I mean putting it in a couplet or so at a time rather than chucking in whole verses like that. Anyway, I'll finish by saying that I was very impressed by your story, your writing is already much better than a lot of the fanfic out there, and you show great promise as a new writer. My above comments are only intended as constructive criticism to enable you to reach your ful potential. Looking forward to seeing more of your work, Tom.
    Report Review

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