Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Contracts

By : laceyweasley

From ANON - RachelW on November 28, 2004
Okay, I really think this is a really interresting story idea and it's like reading some of my strangest, darkest fantasies come to life (I'm like, wow, someone else's fantasies are as warped as mine, cool). You are doing a good job of presenting the charachters attitudes....However...

I get the feeling your plot is starting to spin out of control...it's like juggling and ending up with balls getting tossed every direction instead of staying in the neat patern. You've contradicted yourself several times, and several things are very unclear. It doesn't seem like you've planned out the rules of your story very well. I would highly suggest taking a breather, and working on the rules your story is set by first. What is the history of these rituals? What normally goes on in this situation? Even if you don't write about it directly in the story, it helps to have these ideas firmly cemented in your head...sometimes I'll write out a LOT of stuff that doesn't end up actually in the story...charachter backhistories and other things, that while they aren't in the story, they do affect the story and give me a firm idea from which to write.

Also, Snape and his kids...the only big problem is that Snape is too young to have a son who is 20ish. Unless, he had the child when he was 16?

I don't want you to get discouraged...this is a really interresting story and just plain shivery to read. I really do like it a lot. It's just that some of the stuff is a bit too glaring in error and contradictory to either canon or your earlier chapters that it interrupts the fantasy.

And, if she's not going to end up with Severus Snape, I'd have to agree with some of the others that it really doesn't belong in the Snape/Hermione category since all your Snapes except for Severus are your origional charachters, and not canon charachters. But, I have a feeling she'll end up with Severus Snape :-) Keep writing!
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From ANON - JW on November 28, 2004
Thanks for updating! I've read the chapters several times and have questions, which you'll probably answer in future chapters, but I'm already curious anyway.

Ch 7 - boy, you really have me confused now, but I think that's the way you want it. Hermione is right, how could he have known about the upcoming marriage law "at the foot of The Dark Lord" and start seeing the Grangers in her first year if Voldemort only came back "for sure" at end of her fourth year? (Unless he heard it from Voldemort-on-Quirrell's-head in Hermione's first year?? or from Tom Riddle in Ginny Weasley's first year??) I'm curious about what she'll learn.

Ch 8 - re Samuel (betrothed to a possible Squib) and a mistress - so men don't have to be faithful to their wives?? "dispose of her himself" - you mean Severus would kill Samuel's betrothed?
== "Severus indicated for her to be mother." - I'm not sure of this...what does this mean?
== "I can tap into your thoughts any time I like" - uh-oh, she better learn Occlumency fast!
== "Each son will have a task for you" - task??? Doesn't sound like she'll get much privacy, much less be able to study in the library.
== re her tattoo - hmm, sounds like the boys should be forbidden from touching it, or from ordering her to touch it
== "Snape grunted but no more as he received his jolt for initiating the whole incident." - but he didn't get the jolt until AFTER she finished doing what he ordered her to do. Shouldn't the jolt prevent him (and the boys) from giving the wrong order in the first place?
== "There will be no inter-cavity activity between any parties...you should not pull away when touched or caressed...It really doesn
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From ANON - Miss Teinge on November 25, 2004
NIce story, I'm really enjoying it!. If you have a mailing list for updates, can you add em to it? Thanks.
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From ANON - Meep on November 23, 2004
This is really good, could you please e-mail me when you update this, if it's not too much trouble?

Sincerely,
Meep
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From ANON - allzugern on November 20, 2004
I see you have relabeled, many will thank you. I defend an author's right to write anything they like, but the labels are a must. Then a potential reader can decide before they actually start reading the story if it is their cup of tea or not. The Chan label just means that the story contains scenes with an underage person. This is very offensive to some, and it doesn t matter if you twist and turn it later with the time-turner, it s still chan. Better to avoid unnecessary flames and comments from angry readers by properly labeling. : )
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From ANON - Ruby Snape on November 20, 2004
I must admit that this is an interesting read for me. I have never read a fic with this sort of content involved, so it is all a new experience for me. However I am enjoying the storyline. Snape does come across to me (in your fic and the books) as a proud, pure blooded traditionalist.
His behaviour is not at all surprising to me, it is how I imagined him to be (without the disciplinary actions). Though it is understandable as my father used to use the strap on myself and my brother, and of course we had the cane at school.
Keep up the good work. I am intrigued.
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From ANON - RomanticBetty on November 19, 2004
Please continue this story.
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From ANON - Judy K. on November 17, 2004
When the category is HG/SS it means that it's Hermione Granger and SEVERUS Snape. The Severus that's canon in the books. It's not fair to make up your "own" Snape and than say you're leaving it in the HG/SS section becasue she will end up with "a" Snape.

It's immature to do so, it violates the ethics of this site, and it's downright unfair. You can write whatever you want of course, but at least be decent enough to put it in the right category. If Hermione is going to be with or end up with one of Snape's sons this should be in the HG/OMC category. I suspect that since HG/SS is a popular category you want to leave it here-which is fine if it's truly a HG/SS story. And I mean the "real" Snape not your own made up characters.

If you can leave your story in the HG/SS category because you claim that HG is going to end up with an original character of your own named Snape-than let's say everyone can do that. I can make up a cousin of Draco Malfoy also named Draco Malfoy, have Hermione with my made-up Draco and put it in the HG/DM category because it's "a Draco". And anyone else can do the same, if we follow what you're doing-make up a Potter that's an original character have that character with Ginny and label it HP/GW. It's confusing and unfair.

If you intend to have it canon Snape and Hermione by all means it should be in the HG/SS category. But if you mean to have this story HG and one of your original character Snapes. it's not in the right category, it's not playing fair, and it's deliberately deceiving people who come to this section to read stories about canon Snape and canon Hermione.

I hope you are mature enough to understand what I'm saying and what several other reviewers have also pointed out to you about category. To say you're leaving it in this category because you "want to" and because "it's a Snape", is being deceitful and totally immature.

Rachel W. if you're the one who writes the BDSM stories that I have reviewed and loved (and which are SS/HG), if you're the one that's beta'ing this, please explain to her what everyone is trying to say. It's nothing against the story, it's the category it's in. I'm sure you'll agree that if the author intends this to be a HG/Snape's son story, even though the son is a Snape, the story should not be labeled or put in the HG/SS category. It's just not fair. And if you're not "that Rachel W", please excuse me for mistaking you but I still hope you can explain to the author what the HG/SS category means.
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From ANON - Constance T. on November 17, 2004
Oh yuck. She's contrcated as a "Snape" and all the Snapes can touch her??????? Jeez this not HG/SS. Not to mention it sounds as Snape was "batering" for her with the Grangers while he was still married.

And Snape's father "took" his wife's virginity??? This is just so unnatural.
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From ANON - Ginny on November 17, 2004
I have to agree with one of the reviers taht said she felt tricked into reading this story. This doesn't appear to be a SS/HGstory. This seems it should be in the OC categories.

SS having a sex month daughter and no sex for a year also doesn't make sense. Not to mention if losing his wife almost destroyed him, he's looking for another bride pretty quickly. Or is HG for all of his sons? Yuck.

This just doesn't "feel" like a HG/SS story and therefore should have not been labelled as such.

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From ANON - darkmoore on November 17, 2004
I strongly suggest you do something about your warnings. ON THE SUMMARY, not at the first chapter or anywhere else. What you are doing is not okay. You better fix that before someone gets really upset and reports you to the webmistress, which could end up with your story being deleted. The proper warnings would be AU, BDSM, B-mod, Humil, Minor (aka Chan or Pedophilia), N/C, OC, Spank.

You also should listen to the ones suggesting you move this story. Shippers can get VERY upset about messing with labels and if you don't plan on making it Hermione/SEVERUS Snape, it is Hermione/OMC and does NOT belong in this category.

I am usually a very friendly person, but I felt "tricked" into reading this. If you had labeled it correctly I would not have. I don't like PEDOPHILIA and I am not in for humiliation or spanking either.

I highly suggest you fix that!
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From ANON - dryade on November 17, 2004
I really like the story! What a plot! Dark and ominous and horrible the pureblood world you created. Loads of sexual tension. Great work. I'm curious to see who'll get her (voting for Severus). And what'll happen on the way there.
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From ANON - Caroline on November 16, 2004
I was getting the feeling that the Grangers and Hermione had been somewhat drugged.....I know that my comment must of sent you into a snick, but I am still on the fence about this story. For one....its a very creative idea that I have not ever seen done before...and I have been sailing the Hermione and Severus ship for 3 years. I named him because their are obviously lots and lots of Snapes in this story. I am finding myself still reading this even though I am very very very uncomfortable with your treatment of Women and young Women in particular mainly because you have hit on an idea for a fic that no one has done before. Your writing is very good and you are telling a compelling story. If this story was done without the nudity, discipline chair (which I am glad that he uses that on the boys too....which makes it easier to take) and an almost 50 year old fondling and then beating a 14 year old little girl then this would probably be the story everyone would be recommending to their friends on lists, but then it wouldn't be your story then because I understand that this is what you are envisioning the wizard world being for your story. I respect that....in fact I am still reading your story unlike another story that you keep thanking the author off that is on this site too....that I have stopped reading because of the cruelty and perversity....it was interesting and her writing was great....I was just way too uncomfortable with it and stopped reading it.
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From ANON - RomanticBetty on November 15, 2004
Great story so far. I can't wait to see what the marriage will be like.
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From ANON - eve/roarke on November 15, 2004
I am very interested in Wicca, and have researched it. Yes you are right bloodied sheets were kept especially in the
case of a High Priestess or a Queen in the medieval times, even today a Arab of high ranks servants will take the sullied
sheets and keep them to show his wife was pure on the day of her marriage. However the guardians which you refer too
did not Watch, unless its black magic sacrifice. In a kings place the guardians would check the bed The King and Queen
would be checked and then they would get into the bed, curtains drawn after the deflower a maid of honour (thats where it
comes from) would check the honour of the wife and change the sheets keeping the bedding.

Your story would be and interesting turn on the MLC. but Snape to have a child over 22years of age How old is Snape.
And Hermione is only 14 years of age and has been wrongly touched by several different men and slept with a very old dirty
man, who also punishes his sons, in front of their intended's. It does not work.

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