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Reviews for De-ageing Draco

By : cathankitten

From ANON - Sandy on May 08, 2003
I like the story... and I DID offer!
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From ANON - Sandy on May 07, 2003
And the spelling and grammar check on the computer are only as good as the person using the thing. You still need to understand which version of a word you need (For example: where and wear; or two, to, and too.)
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From ANON - Sandy on May 07, 2003
It's nice to see you're trying to correct the errors. Sadly enough, it doesn't appear that your Beta is reading the story very thoroughly. But I am still happy to read it, and hope you get to a point where you can post more.
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From ANON - liorajean on May 07, 2003
It's not spellcheck you need. It's a grammar lesson from a college English teacher.

You can be indignant about it all you'd like, it doesn't help your writing.
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From ANON - Honor on May 06, 2003
Hey! Please, please say that this is being continued with! Chibi!Draco is so cute! I need more!
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From ANON - Velvet_Satin on May 03, 2003
Awesome story! I am totally hooked and can't wait to read more chapters! This is totally an original idea! I couldn't have thought of something this awesome! You are very creative and tell the story well. Keep up the good work!
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From ANON - Thom Thumb on May 02, 2003
This is an interesting story. Veryginaginal too. I love it!
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From ANON - Laerai on April 28, 2003
Love the concept, but as you probably already know, you need a spellchecker! Can't wait for the next installment.
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From ANON - goldmund on April 28, 2003
this is certainly an interesting idea. i really wonder what draco is talking about in the second chapter. did his mom make him act as a girl or something? well, i hope that itnothnothing too traumatizing.
anyhow, i did read about the first two sections of the fic that was posted. i thought it was nice to know your thoughts on these issues. it was my first time reading this fic, and i don't know what others said to you before, but i hope that you are not too upset by all that. well, i just want to say that i know that this fan fic and not an essay for an english class, but wrong spelling and grammar make writing hard to comprehend. this difficulty probably caused your reviewers to complain, and i did notice certain miss. s. one spelling that you might want to change is in the second part that you posted...i think you were talking to this reviewer named snoopy or something (i'm not sure), but it's in the portion after the division by the line. i think you meant to say "were" instead of "where" in many parts. and this type of misspelling can make things quite difficult to understand. making the reader guess what you meant by the word can actually throw of the flow in the reading. another spelling mistake that i remember is in the first chapter...i think...when malfoy is eating dinner. i think you meant to say "disgusting" rather than "discusting."
i know that it is impossible to be correct with spelling and grammar all the time. after all, writing takes much revision to perfect it. and i have very hard time with it (i am so bad at spelling). and yes, there are times when a spell checker cannot detect certain error (as in the case with "where," since the word was spelled correctly but not in the right context). it is not really that difficult to figure out what you meant in the fics, but it would certainly be nice if you checked them. it would help people to enjoy your fic more.
i hope that you do not get offended by this review. it seemed as though had had enough critique for the time being...but i think it's better for me when people point out my mistakes. just simply telling me that i'm doing something wrong makes me go back and check my work, and revising is really a good thing to do. :) so i hope that you take the comments in a good way...because sometimes good things come out from the worst things.
-goldmund
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From ANON - Ali on April 25, 2003
Well I've been reading this story since the first post, but this is my first review of it. I love the plotline but I have to admit to being a bit bummed at the Ron/Harry slash. I was hopeing for Lucius/Harry... normally I avoid all Ron slash! But now you have me too hooked to stop reading! ;-) Keep up the good work!
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From ANON - Mindy on April 25, 2003
Nekkid Draco! XD Hehe...I like this story. I'm usually not into HP Slash, but this one's coolness...not just a bunch of sex. Interesting plot...*Points and laughs at Hermione* You got kicked oooout! You got kicked oooout!

And I just had the strangest thought. oO What would happen if Baby Draco met Voldemort? YEa! Then Harry goes to saaaave him! Heheh...sequel! Sequel!

Don't mind me. I'm just random. :)
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From on April 25, 2003
After having read this story today, I wanted to offer a few pieces of constructive criticism:

1. Your plot is good, and an original story, but there are hints that you may be rushing things instead of building suspense where it could exist. That's not to say that you haven't had some intriguing plot twists along the way, but try building up the moments more, and try elevating the conversation a bit more.

2. I know you said that you would ignore reviews that mentioned grammar and spelling, but these are *very* important to a writer, and are the hallmark of being able to tell a good story. They're also, whether you like it or not, a reflection on you personally. You're judged by how well you write, not only when it comes to fan fiction, but in general, and if you consistently have spelling errors or grammatical problems (i.e., using wordword "where" when you mean to say "were"), then some readers will tend to think that you are less intelligent than you may actually be, even if the mistakes are unintentional. You're right-- spell checkers and grammar checkers don't catch everything. This is why beta readers are so important. They can help you catch those mistakes before you publish or update a story.

3. If you are going to have people acting out of character (like Hermione in this story), that's fine, but give them a plausible motive, and make them believable. In the canon, Hermione is a rational, thoughtful girl who is mindful of the school rules almost to a fault, and who is loyal to her friends. Why would she go so far against who she really is? Jealousy, the way you have it portrayed in here, isn't enough. She would need far more than just simple jealousy to make her go against her character to that degree. With Narcissa, you handled it better because you gave more in depth reasoning to why she did what she did. And because she is seen as a social climber and an ice queen who revels in her wealth and status in the books, it wasn't as far out of character as it could have been. But you haven't really given a good enough reason why Hermione would turn against her two best friends like that.

4. As far as the relationships go, whoever you want to slash is fine, though I have to admit mefereference for Harry/Lucius had me thinking you were setting up a romance in that direction, with Lucius noticing how doting Harry was towards Draco and all that. Even Lucius/Severus would have made sense, with Sev providing the comfort for the hurt that Lucius is having right now.

However, it's your choice who to pair, and that's all well and good, but the Harry/Ron part caught me off guard, considering they had been fighting pretty much the entire story. You might want to consider that for any future stories. Romance and slash are a good thing, but setting them up is key. You had me thinking that the romance was going to go in one direction, and the way you went came across as random. Just something to think about.

Overall, you have a good, original idea, but a beta reader and some more depth to the characters would definitely help this story along.

Cheers!
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From ANON - asaroth69@hotmail.com on April 25, 2003
that was a sweet chapter!
more!
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From ANON - Kat on April 25, 2003
Argh. Sorry, I accidentally deleted the e-mail before I could read it. *sighs* I'm to used to spam. Don't suppose it's possible to resend when you have the time? Sorry about that.
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From Anath on April 25, 2003
Hee hee. I do like Lucius when he's being nice (well, I like him when he's being evil, too! LOL!) And Baby Draco is oh so cute... *coos, gives him a cuddle* The father/son bonding scenes between Lucius and wee Draco are so nice (better than sex, even) - well done!

Love & Serpents' Kisses,
Anath.
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