Click Here!

Reviews for The Missing Pieces

By : Ebraheart
  • From ANON - daisyplayer on September 17, 2009
    i know its been five years since you wrote this but can you PLEASE continue it. i've got to know whats going on with harry
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Nelleh on July 17, 2006
    You did beautifully... please write the rest.

    Nelleh/
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Fasntasy101 on December 12, 2005
    Garr!!!! You gota update!!!!!! Really!!! I wana see what happeds next!!!! Pls update soon! I'm loving this so far! It's great!!! Couldn't help but smile evily at the last few bits^_~ Plz update soon!!!!

    Smile^_^
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Rez on March 16, 2005
    Well...

    I do like this story, honest and true. The plot is good and while the change in Mr. Malfoy is a little extreme, it is still presented in a convincing manner. I love Elizabeth and the whole idea of Draco as a lawyer is ever so appealing.

    The one issue I am having troubles with is the fact that the story is written in first person. Don't get me wrong, it is a nice change from the drab third person perspective that traditionally governs the lot of fan fiction, it just seems a little...what's the word... I do not want to say juvenile, however, any other appropriate adjectives escape me for the moment.

    Not saying that I feel your story is childish; simply that you could probably stand to fine tune your writing style a touch. Please, do not completely overhaul the style and head into a new way of writing, not by any means. If anything, I would just suggest reviewing your word choice, and perhaps curbing your objective habits. Write more on Draco's reactions and his personal connections to his surroundings, more so just the base descriptions. Tie the elements of your story together with a nice flow, a rhythm to your words. Make reading your stories something of personal experience for your readers.

    That is one of the main features of first person scriptures. The ability, for the reader, to subjugate themselves in place of the characters. More often that not while reading in third-person perspective, the reader can become easily bored as they "watch" the story unfold. In this style, and points the reader can "fall into" the story and find the written character's reaction mimic their own, should the story line lead up to an event in a persuasive manner. One can usually lead their audience to the mind set of the characters on page without them ever being aware of it. Oh the perks of being author!

    None the less, as I have said before, your story is good. Do not be disheartened by anything another person says. To them, it is the simple matter of reading and therein choosing to enjoy or not to enjoy. For one who is writing, it is the process of delving into parts of the soul, heart and mind to find that which is sorely under used in current society. Oh, no doubt that the eternal imagination of the human race will always inspire us to new lengths, it just seems as though too many have fallen to depending on the minds of others for amusement. Never fall into such a pit. Always strive to create, to learn and to share the joy of independent thought, or more importantly, independent creativity.

    Keep Typin'

    Rez
    Report Review

  • From ANON - hakkyou on January 18, 2005
    Hello!

    I
    Report Review

  • From ANON - CC on December 08, 2004
    Sorry, I accidentally hit the send button before I could type more. There were two stylistic comments I wanted to make. First, you keep switching tenses which is disconcerting to say the least as I am correcting the story in my head as I read along. That's a lot of work to ask from the reader. As a writer, you need to make a choice and stick with it. It's much more common to use the past tense because it is easier to write and makes more sense to the reader.

    Secondly, so we expect that if you don't like Dumbledore's name, you will rename him too? Since you have not made this an obviously AU where different names might be allowable, I don't see why you should not respect Rowling's work enough to let her names stand even if you don't like them. You get to name your own characters things you do like. Let's not follow the example of the 'Dracula' movie which switched the names of Mina and Lucy for no reason I could see or the actor who allegedly did not want to play a character named Natty Bumpo and so thay gave Hawkeye a new name in the fairly recent 'Last of the Mohicans' movie.

    If you really have something dire against the name, then make this animal Hedwig's mate, or sister, or daughter, etc. Don't chsnge what isn't your to change needlessly.

    That being said, what I said before stands. I like the story and am looking forward to more.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - CC on December 08, 2004
    Really really nice. But wouldn't Draco be a solicitor rather than a lawyer? I'm not sure if the English have both titles. I look forward to more.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on December 07, 2004
    love the first chapter. post again soon. keep up the good work.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - mindy on December 06, 2004
    oooh cunning

    please write more i really want to no where ur taking this
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Rena on December 06, 2004
    It's amazing story! I REALLY hope you'll continue!^_^
    Report Review

  • From ANON - StormPrincesa on December 06, 2004
    More, more, more. You must write more. It's getting interesting!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Seraphix on December 05, 2004
    Hey, your writing's gorgeous. Do post more.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Ivi Malfoy on December 05, 2004
    Hi! Just wanted to tell you that I liked the first chapter so far, and I hope you'll continue the story, soon if possible!

    Also, I've a few critics to make - hope that's ok. I noticed that you go from Present Tense to Past Tense obliviously; it used to happen with me as well, my advice for that is choosing which tense you want to use and go along with it. You wrote many times 'starred' and 'starring' when you actually meant 'stared' and 'staring'. And, hon, even though you prefer Harry's owl's name to be 'Hedgewing', it's not - this kind of action might put some of your readers off. Besides, you should try at least somehow true to the books. But then, this is just me opinion.

    Draco's seem surprisingly IC, even though he's living among Muggles now. And the lawyer career really put a smile on my face - it suits him *so* much! I loved Draco's cat - he's clearly a cat person. And Travis... I might've seen some attraction from him towards Draco - but I won't pressure into telling me or anything. But it would be lovely if Draco took Travis to his visited to Harry, don't you think? **hints** I'd be very happy to see him more on the next chapters.

    Summaring everything up, you did a wonderful work, despite these things I mentioned above. Keep writing more, please?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - cameowitch on December 05, 2004
    Please tell me you are posting more soon? This is getting interesting and one to watch.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - sak on December 05, 2004
    An intriguing set-up to have Harry and Draco reconnect. I can see Draco as a lawyer and while Harry's letter was unexpected, the tone and his "gifts" were fun. I look forward to seeing what you do with this story. I have to confess, changing the name of Harry's owl is off-putting. I would recommend giving him a new owl with that name rather than renaming his snowy owl.
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!