Click Here!

Reviews for Naughty Girl

By : gypsybaby21
  • From ElementalDemonessSorceress on November 25, 2007
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
    Report Review

  • From Wistfu1Stargazer on November 05, 2007
    RE: chapter one

    Oh my God! *SQUEE* I love the possibilities of this story! ;-D
    Report Review

  • From ElementalDemonessSorceress on August 07, 2007
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
    Report Review

  • From ElementalDemonessSorceress on March 01, 2007
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Megan Consoer on July 06, 2006
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters? Or can you write a sequel to this story please?
    Report Review

  • From ANON - shiv5468 on January 27, 2005
    This really isn't very sexy you know.

    If you're going to write about sex, you need to keep it within the realms of what's believable. (As a side note, you can't really say you're trying to keep Snape in character, because it's unlikely he'd ever shag a student. So if that's really what you were after, he'd give her detention with Filch for a month and report her to Minerva.) Anyway, what that means is you don't have to write Snape as some unfeeling, thoughtless shag. Why would you want to have sex with the man under those circumstances? You'd turn and run for the door.

    If he's supposed to be good in bed, he'd be seductive: give her a chance to get used to things before he moved on to the next item on the agenda. More kissing, more fondling, more foreplay over all. You don't suddenly start whipping people - not unless you want to write a non-consensual scene. People into that sort of thing tend to negotiate what they are going to do before beginning. At the very least, they start off slowly and warm the whippee up, so that it is a sensual experience and not violent.

    If someone bent you over a desk, and slammed into you causing you pain - again, you'd be running out of the door, or you'd be in tears. You wouldn't be smiling up at him at the end. Perhaps entering her a little more slowly? Especially since he knows she's inexperienced.

    The three passwords could have been very sexy if you'd used them as part of the build up, but you just threw that away.


    Report Review

  • From ANON - JW on January 27, 2005
    Ch 3 (your note) - well, he did tell Hermione "we
    Report Review

  • From ANON - ladyevilfaerie on January 26, 2005
    Yes please continues I want to read more!!! Please don't stop!!! I hope you do write more!!!! And I didn't see any mistakes so you did good on your typing. P.S. I am also beta person If you need any help with that!! TTFN SAYOONARA!!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Candice on January 21, 2005
    This was a great fic....i hope you do a continuation on it!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - repressed on January 19, 2005
    i liked that. please continue.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - southern_witch_69 on January 19, 2005
    naughty girl indeed! lol rough snape!! teehee nice job
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Jen on January 18, 2005
    Great! Another chapter is needed.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Susan on January 18, 2005
    I think you have something that could be worthwhile. The nice thing about posting here is that you can work on it. I like your writing style, but you may want to wind some parts out. I don't see Hermione falling for all three passwords...maybe you could take a step back and do each as a separate chapter. I also have a hard time seeing Snape taking her viginity in such a violent way(in this story anyway). Girls wouldn't be bragging that it is great to shag the Prof. LOL. In anycase, I really hope you continue this, maybe from a Snape point of view or, as I mentioned, draw it out a bit. And above all, keep writing. Well done for a first attempt...hell, it was well done for many an attempt. Good luck in your next story. I will read it! :)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on January 18, 2005
    Not bad, keep going.
    Report Review

  • From ANON - lovia silverleaf on January 17, 2005
    You did very well for your first Snape/Hermione fic. It could use a little work to spice it up but over all it was very well written and has great potential. Should you need a beta reader let me know. I do beta reading for a couple other people I know.
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!