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Reviews for The Fall of Hermione

By : HeatherLeigh
  • From ANON - Alauralen on March 16, 2005
    That was really, really good!!!! Keep the chapters coming!!! Please!!!
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  • From ANON - lilly on March 16, 2005
    great story i love it please continue.i want to read more.
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  • From ANON - june on March 15, 2005
    That was what I was waiting for.

    Very good chapters three and four. The development is good.... as is the smut itself. I have no real critisims today. They were very enjoyable chapters. Post more.
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  • From ANON - june on March 14, 2005
    Mk... I've now read chapter two as well. I don't have time to read the third one tonight, so you'll have to wait on that one.

    I really liked this chapter. None of the problems from the first chapter carried over, with the small acception of the quotation marks around the thoughts, but... as I say, that's a very very small problem.

    All in all, very good. You really know your dark arts. One comment is that the descriptions of the different death eaters in the inner circle dragged on a bit. I'm sure they're here for a reason, probably a set up for later chapters, but it simply got boring after the first three people were described, and I can't remember any of it accept for a bit about Percy killing the Weasleys... which is actually kind of irrelivant (though extremely well written).

    Anyway... yeah... I'll try to get around to chapter three tomorrow... i dunno if I'll be able to, but... fingers crossed.
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  • From ANON - june on March 14, 2005
    I've only read chapter one, so far.

    Let me start out by saying: good concept.

    You've come up with a very well planned first chapter. The pieces fall into place nicely... that is to say the chronological occurances work out quite well. Unfortunately, I was a bit bothered by the... structure you chose to reveal them in. While I understand the desire for a hook beginning, you might want to shorten it. It went on a bit long, and you said "the figure" too many times. Also, you need to cut down the number of times you say things to the effect of "Severus Snape will pay!" The way you have it devided up into three parts could be much easier achieved by doing it chronologically. I dislike the little "a few hours earlier" "a few minutes later" things... They're distracting and unproffessional. When you write, try to think about how it would be in a real book. One cannot place divisions like this in a work of litterature. You can sidestep it by just saying "It was only a few hours past that..." or something like that. Also... when you show a person thinking, it shouldn't be in quotations. Make it italics, or just... don't mark it. If this is html based (i don't know I don't post works here) you can put the text inside italics tags like so: < i > except that there won't be any spaces < / i >. If it's not html based... i don't know what to tell you.

    Okay... I know a paragraph like that can be intimidating. The fact is I really enjoyed this and see a lot of potential, and WILL continue reading. I like giving constructive critisism, when I can. I hope it was helpful.
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  • From ANON - glaeken29 on March 14, 2005
    Wow.
    I'm hooked.
    I look forward to future chapters.
    So far, just awesome.
    thanks.
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  • From ANON - Alauralen on March 14, 2005
    I only had time to read the first capter and review, so I just wanted to let you know that your story rocks! I can't wait to read the second one and I hope that you post the next soon! What other website did you have it posted on?
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  • From ANON - HermioneSnapeLv on March 13, 2005
    Please update soon!
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  • From ANON - Eddie The Black Maru on March 13, 2005
    OHH!! this is Very Good! I hope you update soon!!! I really like how you've developed Hermoine. The whole story is fasinating, and I hope you continue. I like how you switched Lestrange and Hermione's souls and I find the plot to be very engaging. Your writing style is very good. There where hardly any (if at all) grammer errors-which is rather rare-, and the sentense structure really flowed and made the whole story sound smooth. May the Nine continue their partonage.
    Much Love,
    Eddie
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