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Reviews for New Beginning... A Chance for Love

By : ShilohDarke

From ANON - Satai Delenn on July 14, 2005
I just wanted to say that I read your story and your Author's notes, and I enjoyed the story immensely and thoroughly agree with your replies to your reviewers. Reality is different to all and the idea that everyone should conform to one form of reality is as absurd as saying that everyone should conform to the same idea of God. So kudos to you for telling it as it is. I think that few people truly understand how difficult writing can be until they've truly tried it (I have, and rarely come up with a good story). One of my very slight successes was when I was 15 and wrote a rather, ahem, racey story that I submitted to class. I was truly frightened that my teacher would disapprove (due to the sex scenes in it) but to my delight she handed it back to me with an "A". I let a male friend of mine read it and he was stunned (by my apparent accuracy of those same scenes considering I had NO experience with the subject, lol). However, since that time, my "attempts" at writing have fallen extremely short of what I had hoped they'd be. So I rarely write now. Anyway, don't let these people's comments disuade you. You write well, and with accuracy and should keep up your storytelling!
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From ANON - Stefanie Sears on June 28, 2005
Iloved it! can you please write more,you did a great job you can be proud

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From ANON - Avigale on June 26, 2005
Hey.. You left poor Remus hanging! T_T Nice story though. I enjoyed it, though it could have done with a bit more plot and a bit more longer. Other than that, very nicely done!
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From ANON - Casandra on June 26, 2005
Very nice story. I thouroughly enjoyed it. When I first read that Hermione was in Texas raising horses, I had a horrid image of her and Severus riding horses into the sunset or some sappy crap like that, and in the hands of some authors that might have been the case. You, thankfully, erased that image from my mind.

Again very good story.

Casandra
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From ANON - sammie on June 26, 2005
I loved your story...so beautifully written. Thank you!
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From ANON - ellen on June 26, 2005
I loved your story and thought there might be more, only to find author's notes. Your notes saddened me. I can't see why anyone would leave you a negative review. Don't be discouraged by them, this is coming from someone who discourages easily at negative criticism. Eveyone has an opinion, and in my opinion it was a lovely story. I say this as a fellow ss/hg fanfic author, (I've done two novel length fics and a few shorter ones) LOL.
I'm part Native American, but I'm from the Northeast (New England); and I've never seen a horse except the Clydesdales at the brewery in my hometown.
ellen
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From ANON - Nightmare on June 26, 2005
No offense taken. I was just trying to point out some things that jarred me out of the story. Half the time when I run into the local California Miwoks, I don't even know it, and I was speaking from my experience... that's the mundane/muggle experience I'm part of. You have a more personal awareness of Indian culture than I do... that's fine, let it show... it'll make the story all the better. But... in stories with Hermione, they make the distinctions between the two worlds... you were making it seem (to me) like the "Dances With Wolves" sorta world was still the fact, in the American muggle world.

And as for the Horses... again, I read a lot about them, but you own some... great... at least don't say horse-Severus is 20hs and just skate on like it's normal... =) And most odd critters in the HP are magical animals... but horses are something a reader can reality check... make it an magical breed, or a half-breed, like Crooks... Half Giant-steed or something... You see what I mean?

Anyway, I reviewed it when I did cuz I just found it. =) If I hadn't of liked it, you wouldn't have known it, because I wouldn't have reviewed at all. So don't stop writing... it only gets better when you keep working it.
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From ANON - Teressa on June 25, 2005
You really shouldn't remove reviews that were left to help you - like mine pointing out a fairly large error in continuity and one by Nightmare. Removing reviews makes you look bad.
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From ANON - ~Rhiannon on June 24, 2005
A well written and lovely story.
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From ANON - Nightmare on June 24, 2005
Sorry about the nit-picking, but I had to say something else. The average Clydedale (horse-Hagrid's breed - the Budweiser horses) is 18h. A hand for a horse is 4 inches, and was originally the width of a human hand, one atop the other from the ground at a foreleg to the top of the shoulder. 18x4 = 72 inches which is 6 foot tall at the top of the shoulder.

Your horse-Severus, at 20h is 20x4 = 80 inches... which is more than 6 and a half foot at the shoulder / withers.

The biggest horse EVER by Guiness Books was 21.5h, a Shire named Samson. The biggest horse ALIVE is 19h a black horse named Goliath. He's so big he has to sprawl his front legs apart like a foal to graze, because his legs are longer than his neck.

18h is huge, and 20h is monstrous... little Herminoe's legs would be sticking out to the side, because she couldn't get them around his girth.

My point is with both these comments are, that a little fact checking doesn't take long, and adds a LOT of versimilitude and reality that makes good fiction better.
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From ANON - mysticsong on June 24, 2005
That was lovely.
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From ANON - Sandra on June 11, 2005
Your premise is very interesting, and I love horses, so I like the spin you put on Hermione here. However, there are a lot of errors, and it makes the story difficult to read at times. You may want to consider getting a beta reader to help your story shine as it has the potential to do.
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From ANON - Shannon on June 10, 2005
Your first fic huh? well that was absolutely brilliant for a first fanfic. I really enjoyed it it was very sweet and I liked how you tied America into it. I live in the southwest and am involved in horses as well so it was really enjoyable to read. And I saw that you may be doing one with Lucius and Hermione. That's a fabulous idea, I have read a few fics with that pairing and have rather enjoyed it so it would be awesome if you did one. Just keep him mean and nasty til closer to the end hehe damn those bad boys. Anyhow great job on this fic!!!
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From ANON - breastlady on June 09, 2005
I just finished chapter 6 . I really like the romance and the lovemaking between Hermione and Severus. I also like the Native American idea because it is a new twist I haven't seen in any other stories. My worry is that in chapter 3 you made the point to let us know that Severus had stopped eating for 3 days before Hermione came after him. The next morning when they went to the Great Hall it seems he still didn't eat because he wanted to get Hermione away from the other men. After they tended to the horses, he still hasn't eaten since chapter 3 but they go back get engaged and make love. I'll worry about Severus until you feed him. It's been about 4 days since he has eaten unless I missed something. It takes away from my enjoyment of the proposal. Could they go eat after they tend the horses and then get engaged and make love after everyone is feeling comfortable and refreshed? During the post proposal sex i keep thinking how much less I would be enjoying lovemaking if I was really hungery and weak from 4 days of fasting. Please forgive me if I am being to anal about it. You give us a great deal of sympathy for Severus in this story and we need to take care of him. Thanks. Your first attemt is great. I hope to see you write more.

One more question, As I read I keep asking myself why has Dark Feather suddenly decided to leave her life and her people so suddenly? Is it because she wants to be near her son? I worry she won't be effective as a council member of her tribe if she doesn't live with them any more. She won't know what's going on with everyone. Maybe it will feel more realistic if we know she visits home frequently between council meetings. Is her sudden willingnes to change her entire life style due to her desire to help Remus before she even met him? She seems like too much of a person who has it all together to change her entire life on a whim. It would help me to have a believable reason for her to do this. I'm really enjoying your story or I wouldn't care. So I hope I have'nt made you feel that I don't like the story. Just sharing the things that go through a reader's mind as they go through a story. Keep up writing, please.

Warmly,
Breastlady
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From ANON - Susan on June 08, 2005
No worries on the delay. The story was finished in a beautiful way. Thank you so much for your quick updates and lovely plot. I enjoyed this story very much :) Please email me if you do a sequal with Remus...or even a sequal that is Hermione and Severus...or a new SS/HG story. I will read and review. Thanks again, Susan

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