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Reviews for Another fame at hogwarts, and yet another secret

By : switchbladeinfedelity
  • From ANON - AlexW on August 24, 2005
    This is a very descriptive fic. But I have to agree that your character is a little Mary Sue, but don't worry, cause that's fine (I have Nothing against them, many are very good if not abused). I hope Harry gets lucky :) Draco's a prat :( haha, continue.
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  • From ANON - Angel on July 05, 2005
    Interesting start, hope you write more!
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  • From ANON - Xamphira on June 02, 2005
    Hmm. Wouldn't 44DD boobs be rather a hazard for a Quidditch player? Although useful if you fell off your broom, I guess.

    Seriously, honey, you're obviously enjoying writing this, so keep going. But I would strongly advise you to get yourself someone who can beta it. The lack of paragraph breaks makes it difficult for anyone else to read: it's one huge chunk of text. And the inconsistent punctuation makes things again more difficult for the reader, especially with the dialogue.

    Beware also of making your OFC too perfect: beautiful, clever, international sportswoman with a phoenix for a pet... not to mention being a US transfer student, you're running very close to all the cliches of Mary Sue characters, which would be a shame because you *can* write. She doesn't have to be absolutely perfect in every way for Harry and Draco to fight over her. Characters with flaws are often more interesting.
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