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Reviews for Surprise!!!

By : Hebinekojin
  • From on April 02, 2007
    Hahahahaha, I love this!! It was amazing!
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  • From ANON - sharon on June 08, 2005
    Wonderful story and you show great potential as a up and coming author. I would recommend that you get yourself a beta, your spelling and combination of words are noticeably wrong and bring down the integrity of your creation. You might as a start proofread your paragraph after finishing it to see if to your eye, if spelling or whatever looks wrong to you. If they don't, then you may well have a reading disability and it would be worth your time to check it out and learn to develope techniques to work within your differculty. Now I figure my spelling is pretty good yet in my proofreading I came up with places that when I read it needed commas and I corrected atleast four things, so you see we should all proofread to advoid embarassment. Thanks for listening, tally-ho
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  • From ANON - Tiamat on June 07, 2005
    Lucius on a sugar high hehe that was an image that I would love to see in the books hehe. I can almost picture him jumping around Voldemort with a Pixie Stick in his hand hehe.
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  • From ANON - thrnbrooke on June 07, 2005
    Oh that was too too cute! I loved it!
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  • From ANON - dorochan on June 07, 2005
    I agree with Me above, especially on the AU warning. I like stories where Sirius comes back, but I expect a plausible explanation.

    Oh, and you should add an OOC warning. Because this is extremly OOC.

    The general idea of the story was OK, but the way you wrote it was not (there just is no nice way to tell you that). You did not explain, illustrate, or payed attention to the feelings and motives of the characters. I got the impression that you just wanted to get over with it as soon as possible and did not enjoy writing.

    You really have to work on the right speed, details and especially the characters. If you did not intend to write an OOC, it might be a good idea to read the books again, carefully, and note everything that indicates the character's character or motives.

    All in all, I got the impression that you did not really wrote because you like it/want to express something/had this plotbunny, but because you just wanted to upload something (no matter how bad). Your writing seemed careless to me.

    And last but not least. Get a beta. I know from experience that it is necessary if you are not a Native speaker.
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  • From ANON - Andraya on June 06, 2005
    Alo! ^-^
    J'ai ador
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  • From zentiis on June 06, 2005
    very amusing!
    ^_^
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  • From ANON - Lady X on June 06, 2005
    awww...it was so cute! I heart it. it was cute when Draco said
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  • From ANON - LPhoenix on June 06, 2005
    wonderful... so cute... :)
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  • From ANON - Me on June 06, 2005
    First - it
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  • From ANON - Katie on June 06, 2005
    I agree with the other review that said the story seemed rushed. You need to take time and use more detail, but it was a good plot. There were several spelling/grammar mistakes, but overall you have very good English skills...I took 2 years of French and I don't even remember how to say "Where is the bathroom?" But then I'm just a stupid American.
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  • From ANON - Brittany on June 06, 2005
    opps i forgot you were french so that explains the spelling mistakes so obviously that makes sense but it still semmed rushed and out of character a bit
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  • From ANON - Brittany on June 06, 2005
    okkk well that was....intresting. Draco's father giggling!?!?! And it's spelled Malfoy. It just seemed rush i mean harry was like "you hate me" and Draco just said nope and kissed him, Draco's parents excepted it way to fast, they all seemed out of character to me.
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  • From ANON - Phoenix 5 on June 06, 2005
    Wow,

    Super, bravo, j'ai beaucoup aim
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