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Reviews for Innocent Mutilation

By : Tsukifa
  • From ANON - thrnbrooke on July 13, 2005
    Oh I can't wait for chapter 4! Why is Draco a nurse? Who is sending him that hate mail?
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  • From ANON - Teva on July 09, 2005
    Well the plot line peeked my interest and I stuck withnit because, yes, I wanted to know how Draco go himself into thismparticular situation. My initial reaction was 'the sellchecker is NOT god' only having read more I find that even the spell checker missed some words, and I'm dyslexic. And what is it with grammer it' nmot taught much in English schools becase it is assumed we know how to construct a sentence but this was so disruptive to the barative flow I almost gave up. I have seen worse but felt I had to comment since the story suffered so much because of it. Please avoid common erronious phrases like 'the both of them' a useful alternative is 'they' avoid the indefinate article and its unnecessaary friends such as 'up until' since all that needs is 'till' or if your being nice,'until'. The phrase about they were all died merely requires the word 'killed' to stop my teeth grinding. A little care here would be appreciated since it is a good idea, so far. A tip is to read the story out loud or have a friend do it,and you listen to the flow of the narative and the dialogue. Painful but usually an apt way of discovering if you have caught the inflection and flavour of a character's voice and any gramatical falws leap to attention, or should providing yr own graps of the language is sound. Watch decent televison and pay attention to the crispness of the delivery and proper pronunciation, good actors are a delight ti listen to, good writing thrives in a creative environment, read the best and read a lot of it. Your friends will tell you your wonderful, what you have is vast potential, good writing is work and should leave you physically and emotionally wrung out but euphoric. I'm srry your getting the flack for the many chrinically irritating stories I have read over the past few weeks, but since this tale was so much bette4r than the others I felt you shouid be aware of were it is failing. If your going to spin the character do it boldly but if you are trying to keep them cannon then re read the books and train your ear to the way they react. A Draco in flo9ds of tearsw has to havce been through the mill and very close to the edge emotionally. Please don't let the hate letter be from a Malfoy since its phraseology is so wrong. Crab maybe.
    My last gripe is the use of the never ending line. My magnification bar can ony take a normal line length hich typographically is between ten and twelve words, an average of elleven words. Check out ahy printed text book and you will see what publishers have known since Gutenberg got famous. The hman eye can track elleven words quite happily more and it starts to hurt. Consider that I have to move the magnification bar four times to reach the endo of a line then four times to get back the to begining of the line and then down t the next line and start over. It's not easy to keep the thread of the odea intact while doing that, so it shoukld give you some idea hiw much I liked your ideas to stick with it. Please talk to an e-publishng guru and try and get you line lengths reduced a tad.
    Write back and scream at me, I don't mind, I take writing seriously I trust you do to.
    My spelling is crap my spellchecker is American and my proof reader par excellance is frantically knitting Harry Potter Dolls for charity which is the only appology I intend makin.
    Teva JenRhe, Countess Axylides,
    Evil-Step-Granny to the World.
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  • From ANON - Demitria Miriam on July 07, 2005
    Yay! You updated! You updated!! ... Now you must update again!! Yay! And BOO to whoever sent that horrible note to Draco! Die, evil scumy bastard!! Grr! Great job!
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  • From ANON - Jolande on July 06, 2005
    I like it. The idea of a nurse Draco is very novel and nice. I do think you're moving things a little too fast and sometimes your story gets very confusing.

    Do you have a beta? I would love to beta for you. Check over your chapters before you post them: spelling, grammar and general plot. I can't brit-pick for you, but the rest I can do. E-mail me, if you're interested.
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  • From ANON - morgie on July 06, 2005
    I god new chapter pleas just love it
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  • From ANON - Someone on June 26, 2005
    hello! I thought about it, and what we talked about last night was wrong. I'm pretty sure its not like that.

    Score one for me. (not really)
    If you can delete reviews, feel free to delete this one.

    Good story, buddy!
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  • From ANON - Alexiel Roth on June 25, 2005
    Hmmmm very nice! You have very nice idea here.... ummm I think you use the same words too much maybe? maybe u should dig out your thesaurus and find sum synoyms? LOL. Great job.... ummm (whats ur penname on this thing? w-e) ne ways... bottom line: thesaurus=good.

    LOVE LA LOTS!
    -Alexiel
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  • From ANON - sbkar on June 24, 2005
    Definitive Harry Potter Canon Characterisation Guide
    http://www.marysia.com/hpcanon/

    The Harry Potter Lexicon
    http://www.hp-lexicon.org/

    Chapter 1: The Killing Curse is Avada Kedavra; you find this and other useful things (spells, references, etc.).
    Chapter 2: Check canon, stop by the canonization guide; it might help you.
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  • From ANON - Demitria Miriam on June 24, 2005
    You horrible, horrible person! Why'd you have to stop THERE?! (sob) This is really gettin interesting! I really hope you update soon ma'dear! Eee!
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  • From ANON - Demitria Miriam on June 24, 2005
    Oo! Interesting. Please continue!
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  • From ANON - Lili on June 23, 2005
    adhadda kedhabhra? If I'm not mistaken it's Adava Kedavra
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  • From ANON - myniephoenix on June 23, 2005
    good.... very good... looking foward to the next chapter..
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