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Reviews for Harry Potter and the Shiverin Descendent

By : Lori
  • From ANON - Wren17 on July 25, 2005
    ^_^ so good... I can't wait for the next chapter. Great story and writing!
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  • From ANON - ~*ArSeNiC*~ on July 22, 2005
    i LUV your story!!!! it's awsome, and well thought out! The only thing i have to complain about is the lack of chapters!!!! Im greedy, thus i know, but still *stars to pout* I want to read more of the goodness that is your story. Lol, later dude, ~*ArSeNiC*~
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  • From ANON - Cherrity on July 20, 2005
    I started reading your story on FF.net, but I prefer the unedited verison. So I came here. I hope that you update soon, and explain more on how you ended the chapter. Now I am dying to know don't leave me hanging for long.
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  • From ANON - sweetteetwo on July 20, 2005
    I'am so glad that I found out where this fic is relocated to now I know
    it is adult fan fiction I can keep up with the up dates could you please
    let me know when you up date this awesome fic.
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  • From Alexa on July 20, 2005
    Okay, I like your story, very much so. But I do have some critisism (hopefully the constructive kind):
    You need you find a way to make the exposition less explicit. When you have some information to tell you kinda do it too long and too obvious. The letter to Lily's mom was soooo long, and monotone, and boring that I had to force myself to read through it. And the biggest problem - it wasn't the kind of letter a person would actually write - it was more a like a short biographical sketch. A lot of the information in it wasn't even needed. You don't have to explain every step in his life, at least not in one blow. You could give less info.
    There are similar problems with the explanation about getting pregnant. Harry asks a valid question but in a very contrived form. And once Draco answers "I already explained it, but Let me just do it again in detail..." - it is just toooo fake. You could say that the boys were having a conversation about their kind, and Draco, being the more educated on th subject was explaining some things to his submissive. Then remembering their previous conversation about his body preparing for pregnancy, Harry decided to ask if he could get pregnant from what they did in the dreams. Then Draco would explain.
    This way it is a reasonable part of a flowing conversation, and we don't get the feeling of 1) it being forced, and 2) Harry having the I.Q. of a five year old since he needs a repetition of info. that he just heard recently.
    And the whole story about why Lily couldn't be with her mother - it feels like you're willing to do anything to excuse her (after creating the accusation yourself), and you dump a teary story with too many details to do so. When Petunia started to cry after that, it felt so contrived and fake that I just wanted to laught and/or scream.
    Now, that is not to say I didn't like the story. I really did. (Would appreciate the sex being a little more explicit, but that's up to you.) Hope I wasn't too harsh here. I don't mean to offend in any way.
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  • From ANON - thrnbrooke on July 20, 2005
    Uh oh! Not good! I can't wait for chapter 4!
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  • From ANON - Knee-shell on July 20, 2005
    OMG POST MORE PLZ PLZ PLZ THIS IS REALLY GUD neway great story hope u post more
    l8rs
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  • From ANON - Alyssa on July 20, 2005
    YAY! It's back, So this is why you took it off fanfiction? To repost it here? Oh well, i love this story so i'm just happy to see it again! :D Don't leave it too long between the updates please?!
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  • From ANON - Demon on July 20, 2005
    UPDATE!!! *cries* no bad cliffie update soon this is really intresting

    Who is the brown haired person??
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  • From ANON - Missi on July 20, 2005
    This story is really good-I like the species and everything! And yes, the sweetness is wonderful, but I'm gonna have to beat that T guy's booty, aren't I? Please update soon!
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  • From ANON - melodelic on July 20, 2005
    Very good, but more more more!
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  • From ANON - Anon on July 10, 2005
    continue!
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  • From ANON - kit21212 on July 08, 2005
    Great read am hanging off every word. i guess at this moment in time will Draco hunt Harry down at the Grangers before school starts or will he have to wait untill then and have him in the great hall. but then hay i am willing to be completly wrong asnd be supprissed. So when is the next update!
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  • From ANON - thrnbrooke on July 06, 2005
    Oh wow! I can't wait for chapter 3! Another dominate? Uh oh!
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  • From ANON - butterpie on July 06, 2005
    Hi! I am so glad to see your wonderful story here, and only hope to see more of your efforts regularly. Often the best authors leave ffnet to end up here. I truly hope you can restore your chapters. Keep up the good work, believe me its appreciated alot!
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