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Reviews for Baby trouble.

By : jaymclg
  • From ANON - CountNewfie on December 27, 2006
    Hey, great story! The story-line is very innovative, and I love the idea of the wolf-pup familiars. While overall your writing is very good, there are some things that I would like to advise against. Please take this as constructive criticism, aimed to improve.

    1) I would recommend abstaining from over-repetition of analogies. For example, there are only so many Cheshire cats that I can handle in a sitting. I realize that it's tiring to always think of new ways to express the same thing, but it adds so much.

    2) Try to lengthen your paragraphs. A lot of them can be combined, if you find a common theme to link them. In particular, I strongly advise against breaking up speach. In a dialogue, each person's part should be a separate paragraph, but the parts themselves should be whole.

    3) Watch your punctuation. Dialogue should be enclosed in quotation marks, and should have a comma if the sentance continues afterwards. For example:
    "It's late and I want to go to bed," the boy said.
    Similarly, if there is information before the quotation, it should go like this:
    Harry exclaimed, "It's so late! I want to go to bed!"
    It's not vitally important to the story-line, but it makes it easier for the reader.

    4) Finally, proof-read your work. If Dumbledore is Harry's grandfather, then James would be Dumbledore's son, and Dumbledore would be James's father, etc. I noticed a few parts where Dumbledore was Harry's grandfather, and James was Dumbledore's grandson.

    Overally, an incredible first attempt! I'm impressed. I know how hard it can be to organize your thoughts and get them down on paper, but there's work to do after that.

    Sincerely yours,
    Daniel
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  • From ANON - peety on October 20, 2006
    i know i just put up a review but seriously this was a real (if printed)page turner and very funny. i love this story please post soon!!!!
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  • From ANON - peety on October 20, 2006
    this is one of the best fics i have read. i'm not much of a ginny/harry realationship kind of person. but this was really good. even if the cunt waffle didn't like it. everyone screws up you just need a beta or type up the story in word first. but other than that this is fucking good!!!!
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  • From ANON - pup on October 16, 2006
    That is a dam good storie. Love it keep it up.
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  • From ANON - MayaKazume on July 05, 2006
    I looove your story! Please update really fast?
    And don't even consider giving up on your writing,
    no matter what other readers say, i think your great.
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  • From ANON - DanielsLuv on January 26, 2006
    Think ur doing a wonderful job. Keep up the great work. Luved that lil part u added to eve (wtf her name was). Its bad enough when ppl dont review ur fics after uve taken the time to write them but to bad mouth is just plane shit! Its not like their any better then u are. Uve got talante and I hope u plan on writting more.
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  • From ANON - tali on November 16, 2005
    muy bueno
    te quero mucho
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  • From ANON - Anon on October 20, 2005
    To the person who posted above me, please do us all a favor AND SHUT YOUR BLOODY MOUTH >.>, its her story and as i think the some said ALTERNATE UNIVERSE!!!
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  • From ANON - Anon on October 20, 2005
    That was the funniest thing i have ever read ^_^ in a good way. Well written and a good plot line, etc. etc. i wish the real book turned out like this >.
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  • From ANON - ***** on October 09, 2005
    Dumbledore is not his grandfather
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  • From ANON - David on October 04, 2005
    I would like to say that I have very much enjoyed your story, and I'm hoping that it is not over with as of chapter 15.
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  • From ANON - random person 32 on September 30, 2005
    it seems you haven't updated in a while, i hope this is just because you've been busy with other projects and not that you've given up on this story after that comment about "bleeding eye" from that stupid twat.

    i for one would like to see how this stroy ends.
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  • From ANON - angel on September 17, 2005
    ~lol~ i love it i cant wait in till you next chapter i laugh sooo much with this story my sides hurt .... please update soon and in till then keep up the great work and later for now

    angel
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  • From ANON - Koppe on August 28, 2005
    First let me thank you for a great story -- I'm loving it so far, and I'm looking forward to more. I very much hope there will be Harry/Ginny -- and possibly Ron/Hermione and James/Lilly -- lime/lemmon
    later... and perhaps a wedding, children or something. I also hope there will be more about the wolf-cubs... not to mention some revenge on Draco. BTW, is there another story setting up the pre-history of
    Minerva and Albus together -- and being Harry's great-grnadparents? The only thing I want to critisize (and this is purely my personal opinion), is that you may be cramming too many story-lines (bond, cubs,
    soul-mates, resurection, animangus,...) into one story (and just a few chapters)... I'm sure you can handle it, but I've seen lots of other fanfics becomming either superficial (as nothing is explored in
    depth and nothing is ever resolved) or becomme accidently funny (because the author just spreads it on too thick). In any case, I'm looking forward to more... keep up the good work.
    -Koppe

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  • From ANON - raija on August 27, 2005
    This was bloody brilliant. Can't wait for more.
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