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Reviews for Return of the King

By : wolfwalkerron
  • From ANON - Eiennoren on December 14, 2014
    Please continue! This story is practically as good as The Marriage stone... And that although incomplete, was epic.... You're a great writer n I would love to know what u have in store for the dark sorcerer dumblydor!
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  • From ashleypenton2 on August 03, 2011
    I absolutely loved this! it had the perfect amount of slash and action! good job!
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  • From storylistener on April 01, 2009
    This is very interesting. It seems a bit like a Super! Harry story, but I kind of like that. GOOD JOB and WRITE MORE SOON!!
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  • From jcrance on September 23, 2008
    This is a great story. I hope that you have a sequal coming soon. I've been at the edge of me seat while reading this.
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  • From abkani666 on May 08, 2008
    please update pretty please please please i love this story
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  • From ANON - Ladybug452000 on November 11, 2006
    I want more for only the first fifteen chapters I thinks its the best I have read so far!!! two thumbs up, umm....five gold stars and all that jazz
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  • From ANON - purrfus on September 13, 2006
    Just finished #15 / Chapter 14. The story pulled me right in an kept me reading. I started at 11PM and it is now just after 3AM. More PLEASE.
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  • From ANON - Tabiku on September 11, 2006
    This is a great story, I can't wait to find out what happens next, and book two, it's a much anticipated arrival. I'm sorry to hear about your family, I wish you the best of luck, and much stress relief.

    Tabiku
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  • From ANON - Yana on September 09, 2006
    so he is dead
    yess what about Dumbledore
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  • From ANON - sas013 on September 07, 2006
    Hi

    I was wondering if you were going to finish the story. I really like it.
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  • From ANON - Merrideth on July 21, 2006
    Please Finish this story.

    Avidly awaiting new chapters,

    Merrideth
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  • From ANON - Heather on February 06, 2006
    Please write more I really like the story. How bad will Dumbles become? Will Voldie get it soon with the trap at the school? What about the crown? Will Charles be in major troble from his Mum the queen and how are the princes doing with learning magic? What about Draco and his friend Ben? Anymore kissing for them? Thank you.
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  • From ANON - Akinaria on January 22, 2006
    You shouldn't have put the Queen in. She ruins everything she touches, including your story.

    Your history of England needs study. England did not exist as a country 2000 years ago, nor did any Royal line. This royal line only came into being in 1714 and is not legitimate or appreciated (except by countries which have never had the misfortune to have to pay for the priveledged upbringing of undeserving foreigners).

    England 2000 years ago consisted of a collection of smaller countries headed by Chieftains or Chieftainesses. This culture was decimated after Roman Emperor Constantine created Christianity when he declared a long dead political rebel to be the son of God, insisted that the world become Christian and wiped out pagan Albion (England).

    If you want more information on the truth, feel free to e-mail me. I am an English teacher, I write children's novels based on ancient english history and have a theology PhD. I can fill you in easily.

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  • From ANON - Akinaria on January 21, 2006
    Hmm. Harry may be Elven in this story, but he is still English. An Englishman not appreciating booze? (We never ever use the word liquor by the way - booze, beer, spirits, wine, alcohol but not liquor, that is a purely American creation) It is simply not done dear, especially not with a teenager. Good God, just think how pliable we'd be if we never got into altered states of consciousness, we'd be as gullible as the rest of the Western World. Sorry but I can't believe in a world where a party happens without booze. For goodness sake, our Houses of Parliament have 17 bars that are open 24 hours a day just for the use of the politicians and their staff. I think you have a very misguided impression of our country. After all, Winston Churchill, the greatest leader we ever had, saved the entire Western world from Hitler in a booze and drug enhanced haze of indignance. We are just too damn proud of our centuries and centuries of drug and booze led history to adopt the soulless abstinence of our political neighbours. It had us leading the world while the other powers filthied their nappies and now it has us replete in our historical context laughing our heads off at Kindergarten despotism masquerading as democracy. No liquor? "We demand to have some booze" is our national ruddy slogan.

    Smirking and giggling, but serious nonetheless
    Akinaria x
    Most famous British Drinking/Drugged leaders - Queen Elizabeth I, Queen Victoria, William Pitt, Winston Churchill
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  • From ANON - Akinaria on January 21, 2006
    The magical world that you are ceating here is complex and well thought out. I am enjoying your story immensely. The introduction of an external "guide" character staves off any potential criticism about the rapidity of change in the story and there is little constructive criticism I could offer on story creation. Your world is compelling.

    There is however a language difficulty. It is not intense enough to hamper enjoyment or comprehension, but I thought that perhaps you might appreciate some analysis in this regard. You mentioned in a note, in a previous chapter, that you use a couple of betas to check your spelling and grammar. I would suggest that the one checking your spelling and use of language is hoodwinking you about their own skills and is actually merely using the spellcheck on the computer (press F7). There are many instances where a word has two or more potential spellings, based upon meaning and your beta had not picked up on any of the occassions where the incorrect choice has been made. Nor have they picked up on points where a word had been used incorrectly, for example using "yet" instead of "so far", this is evident in word order in various places too. A beta should be someone with an "eloquent" grasp of language, they should certainly be able to tell you when "whom" should be used instead of "who". The person who has been betaing for you does not have a very good grasp of the english language and finding a better one would help you to improve your own grasp of english and also create a better impression upon your readers.

    One final thing, you alternate between saying stave and staff, I would suggest choosing one. When considering the choice, bear in mind that stave does not mean staff within existent language. It would of course, be perfectly legitimate to choose to apply this as the name for the weapon anyway, but you ought to be aware of its current meanings before doing so. There are three meanings currently accepted for stave; 1) the framework upon which music is notated (five horizontal lines). 2) to stave off - prevent the occurence of. 3) a thin strip of wood used in the construction of barrels, tubs or similar. There is also a tree in australia called "stave wood".

    I hope that this review helps you to improve your writing, as is the intention of sending it. I do not, by any means, intend to discourage you. As I said, the world of magic that you are weaving is a compelling one and I am enjoying your story. The technical issues do not impede enjoyment of the story, I merely thought that you might appreciate an intelligent and helpful review. I don't review writers whom I do not think are worth the effort.

    Akinaria - (english teacher and former editor)
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