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Reviews for When a Malfoy Fucks A Mudblood

By : SerpantsAndLions
  • From ANON - Megan Consoer on September 22, 2006
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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  • From ANON - Isis on November 26, 2005
    I really like this story it's got a great story line and it's going really well please add more to it I am really interested to see what happends.

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  • From ANON - gaby b on November 20, 2005
    hey i hope u continue i love the story well ttyl
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  • From ANON - Kaylie on November 05, 2005
    This was wonderful!!!!!!!!!
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  • From ANON - miss-p on November 05, 2005
    let me start by saying the story line is good but it seems like you took at least 10 chapters and shoved them into two. it feels rushed with 'this' story line and i understand that you must be really busy with life and all. But keep in mind that you don't have to just put chapters out there so you can update faster. It's better to take your time to make sure it flows and sounds right. Even most one shot stories that have them starting out having sex has detail in it and doesn't feel rushed though. think about what you want in the story and outline it out first, then break it up into chapters giving the story time to develop and grow. Also you give reviewers reasons to beg for more. maybe you should take this story and fill it out and repost it when you feel that you have given the story depth. it is a great story line you just need to give it what it deserves. Your readers will love you for it. Keep at it!!!!
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  • From ANON - Lily on November 05, 2005
    I know its not cool getting negative reviews.. but seriously it needs some work. You've got some good idea, but you just need them to flow a little better.
    P.S. the whole Hermione and Draco "getting together" cuzza there head status is kinda played out. Be Original!
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  • From ANON - Risika on November 05, 2005
    okay...that was crazy. your story is all over the place, and confusing.
    and i've been reading on this site enough to know when people just jack a whole bunch of ideas from other stories and use them as their own.
    don't do it. at least take the time to say in you A/N that you REALLY liked their story and are using the theme/plot in yours.
    seriously. Forever Fantasy was the modeling story. we'll always have paris is the one where they go out of school for two months
    and Jealousy is the story where hermione recruits draco to make ron jealous. if those were original ideas, then at least try to make them sound less like other stories. You need to add more content tot make this unique. otherwise people aren't goign to think it was original.
    I don't meant o be rude, but you also can't just have the story keep going. like s.n. said you've got to come up with a story line...write write write DOESN'T WORK. It hink you're writing right now has a really good outline style, and if you looked at some other stories and took a few style examples, then your writing would be really good. Just spend a little more time on it, i think it'll turn out well.
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  • From ANON - s.n. on November 05, 2005
    I usually don't writing reviews this long but something was just calling out to me with this story- or maybe it's the author. Please try not to take this the wrong way... this is as constructive as I get so bare with me and read the whole thing... take it for what it is.

    First, re: "I really am just making it up as I go so it's not that easy." Okay, draft an outline of where you want this story to go. If you have a road map that you can look at, it'll go so much smoother. The only real criticism I have about your writing is that, like another review said- this story is all over the place. You don't give any reasons or feelings behind the actions of the characters and that makes their actions extremely OOC (out of character- remember you're working with characters that already exist in the minds of your readers). The only reasons and feelings you do mention are contrived and superficial. Hermione, as we know her, would never start screwing Malfoy just to make Ron jealous. So... why does she do it? What did Ron do to deserve it? Where are these actions coming from? Is Ginny really that cold hearted as to cheat on Harry b/c he not "giving her what she needs"? Would Hermione really keep Ginny's secret from her best friend? She says she will if Ginny doesn't tell anyone about Malfoy, but Hermione WANTS everyone to know... that's the point.

    Second, re: "It isn't easy to write when you have alot going on in your own life". Real Life is the bane of every fan fic writer's online existence. We lose a lot of good incomplete fan fiction to real life. But... how do I put this gently? You really shouldn't cite "a lot going on in real life" as a reason why you're posting NEW fiction that isn't even up to your own standards. I'm only assuming what your own standards are because I don't think you would have made the comment in the first place if you, yourself, didn't believe your work left something to be desired. What I'm trying to say is, real life is an excuse that can be used to excuse a less than stellar chapter in a story that has been strong up until that point. Why post a less than stellar FIRST CHAPTER? Why not wait and work on it until you think it's good enough? There's no time crunch on a first chapter. There are no readers waiting on a first chapter. Why post it at all if you don't think it's the best you can do? Wait until you have time to write and then write. Writing fan fiction should be fun and not another addition to an already busy life.

    I'm not writing this to be mean or "harsh". I normally wouldn't bother reviewing at all, but you have a good basis for good story but nothing to back it up. And, as another reviewer wrote, your writing does seem young. Younger than should be writing this kind of thing. But I'm not your mom, so whatever. I'm just saying that it effects the quality of the writing. Obviously you care about your writing and your story... enough to publish it online for others to read. So why not take a little time and think about who your characters are and why they do the things you want them to do. Think about where you want it to go and take it there.

    If you don't have enough time in your life to make this something you're proud of, then why post it at all? Take the time... All it would mean is slower updates. If you noticed, most of the better stories here aren't updated for days, sometimes a week, sometimes longer. The ones worth reading are worth waiting for. Also, beta readers are a god send. Just someone to bounce ideas off of and proof read your chaps. Check out some message boards... I think there's a section here at AFF. You could find one in a no time :) I'd even be willing to do it myself, tho I may up offending you more than helping you- it's just my personality... nothing personal.

    Okay, I think I've rambled on long enough. Take my advice or discard it... it's totally up to you. You have potential. I wouldn't have taken the time to write if I didn't think so.
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  • From ANON - Karen on November 05, 2005
    Not to be unkind, but it's apparently you're not of age, honey. It shows up in the way everyone's characterizaed. You really have to be eighteen-plus to be on this site.
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  • From Siobahn on November 05, 2005
    Uu papa, I like this so far. It's HOT.
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  • From ANON - Natasha on November 05, 2005
    You Should Keep Writing i wanna c where it goes
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 05, 2005
    um... you're story is all over the effin place. i mean, where did the photoshoot come from and why is Hermione doing Draco's homework? why did she let him feel her up on the train?
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