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Reviews for Water

By : kissherdraco
  • From ANON - lix on January 19, 2006
    Wow. I wrote that review with out checking for any mistakes.... and its terrible. Sorry if its hard to read!
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  • From ANON - kaycee on January 19, 2006
    I know it's been said already, but apparently the children don't seem to understand it: THIS IS AFF!!! If you're so offended go to a site that limits the stories to PG-13. I personally think it's believable to have all the cursing, considering the state of mind the characters are in - when I was seventeen I said the word fuck about 555 times a day(not really, but damn near, and you get the point)! If that's the way you see the characters behaving, then write it. As for the comments that it's out of character, this is FANON NOT CANON. I personallly thought the vocabulary brought a nice kind of edge to your writing that made it grittier, but, hey, that's just me...
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  • From ANON - lix on January 19, 2006
    The one who counted your cuss words and all that... Um, that's fantastic. I do think she has a point about how repititive the word 'fuck' seems to be in the first several chapters.

    BUT:
    1) This was said before, and I'll just repeat it. This is AFF.net. We love you because you have a pretty damn decent story. Okay, its beyond decent. I don't know its at the 'publishing' quality, I actually don't care. What I've noticed is the story portrayal is good, the character portrayal is good. A lot of writers on aff.net write only a quick, 'i hate you, oh, now i love you, lets fuck and be happy' story. (No capitalization was intended.) That reviewer has a point, if you want to get better, be willing to recieve the criticism, and think about it before you act on it.
    2) This goes with the above. Its AFF.net. That said: Hermione can say fuck as many times as you'd like because any story with HG/DM pairing is going to be OOC, AU and all the other nice little markings people give it. Same goes for Draco. How you choose to portray you characters should remain your own decision. If something has happened to set of Hermione into a swearing binge, okay so be it. I had a swearing binge a few years ago when my parents nearly got divorced, its how I delt with things instead of doing something worse, like drugs sex and rock and roll. (Just kidding.)
    3) This goes with the counting of the other 'profanities' ... 22 for shit? (Going off memory here...) So what? That's out of HOW many words in the entire story? So you knock down the 'fuck' count to say, less than 100. Still. There are going to be some profanities said. And I would bet that your story is already 10,000+ words?

    So edit it your chapters to appease a few people, but I honestly think you're doing brilliantly. You aren't writing here just to get some practice, you are supposed to be writing for fun too!
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  • From ANON - Mena on January 19, 2006
    I read the comments by people who would rather kiss your ass than help you become a better writer, and I'm not that sort of person. I am actually a published writer, and I thought that from one writer to another, you'd appreciate knowing that using the word fuck 555 times in a story that isn't even complete is repetitive. I was taken to task once in a critique group (face to face with published authors) who pointed out how many times I had a character "look" and how many times I used the word "was" etc. If you're writing just to have people kiss your ass whether they have any intelligence about writing or not, then fine. But if you want to be a GOOD writer, you will choose your words carefully. I don't think I was being obnoxious at all especially since you ASKED for reviews and said you have a hard shell and didn't mind honest criticisms. As for having "too much time" -- I hope no one thinks I actually counted each of those words. We have a little technology today in MS Word which will count up things like this for you in all of about 3 seconds. What a waste of time, eh? LOL Too bad people really either aren't interested in helping you cultivate your talent or don't know enough to be ABLE to correct you (someone even said they didn't *notice* the cussing. How you can not notice the same word 555 times is beyond me). And even if kids cuss a lot, I don't think I have ever been in the company of anyone, man, woman, boy or girl who cusses as much as your characters do. Finally, for those who seem to think I was "offended" by it and shouldn't read it, how about waking up to the fact that (sorry for the faux pas, Misters Strunk and White!) objections to the use of curse words don't always arise because a person is offended. Perhaps you would be, but I pointed it out because it is boring and repetitive and just plain bad writing. It's also a very lazy way to characterize. I asked someone in passing about it today and he thought that using the word fuck even just 200 times in a story was overkill. He nearly died when I told him it was 555. You obviously have writing talent, and I don't think that you should simply be told that you're perfect and just to ignore good writing rules and guidelines because it "doesn't matter" -- because it DOES matter. If you want to be a mediocre writer, by all means simply soak up the praise you receive here and leave it at that. It's just hilarious how so many people are mad at me for being intelligent and having an informed opinion and for actually caring about you and your writing. Maybe I should be more like the rest of your reviewers who are probably too busy masturbating while reading it to actually pay attention to the art involved.
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  • From TCardan on January 19, 2006
    O.K. I'm going to have my say about the word 'fuck' I think you should leave it in. Anyone who's heard a group of teenage boys talking to one another will know that every other word that comes out of their mouths is 'fuck' That is just reality. Anyone who's offended by the the word shouldn't be reading smut to begin with. There's a lot of rated G fictions on other sites to enjoy.

    You're doing a beautiful job on this fiction and I really envy your writing style. I can imagine that you must enter the minds of those characters in order to write like you do and that takes a lot of concentration and energy. If you imagine the characters saying 'fuck', then let them say it. I use that word quite a bit in my fiction as well, because we are dealing with teens - and that's how they talk (for the most part). And there are times when 'fuck' is just fucking sexy. LOL

    Keep up the wonderful and 'fucking' hot work. LOL There, I'll say it again. "Fuck! This fiction is good!"
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 19, 2006
    i second that
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  • From ANON - Jennifer on January 19, 2006
    Ok, I just read your author's note about all the cussing and I just had to comment. This is the first comment I have EVER given... bad, bad, bad of me I know. Anyway, my opinion, first off, is that you have this story posted on AFF.net! That right there should tell anyone what they need to know about the language and/or content of any of the fics here. If whoever it is that is complaining about the language doesn't like it, then they simply should just not read. And whoever it is that actually counted the amount of times you used the word "fuck," I have no choice but to think they have WAY too much time on their hands, and maybe instead of complaining, they should take up writing a story of their own. Until I read your note I honestly couldn't even tell that you cussed as much as it's claimed that you do. And trust me, I don't mind profanity, but one of my serious pet peeves is when it's used poorly and vulgarly, in stories and in the real world. Now, I have selfish reasons for commenting right now. My main reason is that if you decide to go back and edit, then it's gonna take even LONGER for the next chapter to come out, haha. I have been on the edge of my seat everyday since I first started reading your story, and am constantly checking for updates up to 3 times a day! This is one of the best and most captivating stories I have ever read! So please, please do not let the little nit-pickers (who have nothing better to do than be obnoxious) make you second guess yourself while writing this story. Everything that you do and write make this story unique and if you change any little thing, it just wouldn't be the same. Ok, well, sorry for this obscenly long review, but I just really wanted to try and squash the fears that you may be having, and motivate you into completing the next part. LoL, like I said, selfish reasons ;-). You are doing an extrordinary job and I cannot wait to see how this story develops.
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  • From ANON - Brett on January 19, 2006
    OMG I can not wait for the next chapter!!!!
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 19, 2006
    This story is electrifying. But you shouldn't make concessions to a few children who can't handle something. EVERYTHING is offensive to someone. This entire website is probably offensive to a considerable number of people. It doesn't matter. Don't make changes for people who don't know what they're talking about. If you wish to have swearing, then by all means...fucking do it. Write true to yourself and don't worry about anything else. And don't forget, everyone is a critic.
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  • From ANON - mira on January 18, 2006
    I read this one already:(
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  • From ANON - nazy on January 18, 2006
    hi i love ur story but please when u update email me and remind me..thank u!
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  • From ANON - Mena on January 18, 2006
    I read the whole thing and it's a really good story -- you can obviously WRITE, but man the cussing is just really out of character and you just way overdo it. Even IF Draco and Pansy cussed a lot, I don't see why Hermione would, too. And IF she did, she probably wouldn't cuss often because educated people like Hermione would have a broader command of her language and the vocabulary to choose more appropriate words with which to express herself. At one point she even says to Draco, "Is [fuck] all you ever say?" I was asking the same thing! I analyzed the 11 chapters and found this breakdown of words and how many times you used them:

    Fuck 555
    Shit 26
    Bitch 63
    Whore 22
    Slag 21
    Damn 15
    mudblood 61
    twat 11

    You actually use the word "fuck" five hundred and fifty-five times! That's got to break some kind of record somewhere. It is really becoming almost comical because no matter what happens, we know that everyone's going to react by saying "fuck" a lot. If you changed some of the language, the story'd be very very cool.
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  • From ANON - LCDrusilla on January 18, 2006
    I haven't finished Water yet, I'm only on chapter 9 but it's beautiful. It's beautiful and tragic and everything that makes the soul bleed and weep and want to dip your fingers into it to see if its real. See if its actually there. I have never read anything this... maddeningly gut wrenching and addictive in so long. I've almost forgot the feeling of being desperate to read, to keep going.


    I know this are is suppose to be for good/bad criticism and not slobbering fangirls/boys but I can't help but praise you for this.
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  • From ANON - tressesinthewind on January 18, 2006
    I'm too speechless to even think of a proper compliment right now. Cheers!
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  • From ANON - Ruby on January 18, 2006
    wow! I just can't wait til the next chapter you have got to update this and SOON!!!
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