Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Water

By : kissherdraco

From ANON - Brianna on December 16, 2005
awesome fucking story but u should make it go fasterrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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From ANON - kali on December 16, 2005
fuckin brilliant! :) loved every word of it, and i can't wait til the next time you update... intense. really intense.
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From ANON - nat_Al on December 16, 2005
That's one of the best fanfiction stories I've ever read - truly. It only seems that Hermione is a bit OOC - for the amount of the bad language she is casually using.
I'd rather say other characters are a trifle OOC too - for the same fucking reason ;-)
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From ANON - Anon on December 16, 2005
Well, what can I say? I'm sucked into every scene, I imagine it as clearly as anything in my head and I find I'm there, among those 2. The way you write, you slip from one character to another, and this works amazingly. I love the way you've percieved the characters, I hate Harry with a passion (I already did but I hate him even more now) and I wished that chapter 7 had lasted for ever, I never wanted to stop reading. Your writing is so intense and fiery and real, more than anything, and you are a very talented writer.
I'm hooked, simply put.
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From ANON - Tammatha on December 16, 2005
one word "Brilliant!"
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From ANON - Eve on December 16, 2005
I love this story! Its beautifully written and a pleasure to read so thankyou.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
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From ANON - liz on December 16, 2005
ur story kicks ass!! mind emailing as soon as u update? thanks!!!
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From ANON - milkie on December 16, 2005
um no offense but Tanny who really cares! this isn't class i find myself so drawn into the story i don't even notice if there was mistakes what are you like looking to make someone who has wrote a great story feel stupid by rubbing little mistakes in their face you could just say 'hey you might want to go back over it real quick because there was letters left out of some words just thought you'd want to know', if you want to be her beta email her! don't go dissin' her on something that didn't need be, i know you said some good things but wow and if a character is intense it 'was' probably intended by the author what would make someone think otherwise? 'oh by the way i don't think that you meant to make your main character crazy' although that the point isn't it?, it's their fic not yours so they can write anything or anyone the way they want! boy you just can't make everyone happy can you?! there is noting about this story that should be changed! ------ sorry back to the lovely author, i don't think you need a beta some betas are good but a few try to take over the story and it's annoying. everything is so great, really it is this story is so much fun to read and that's what it's all about!!!!! it doesn't matter if it would really happen or not as long as you enjoy reading it and i do! this story is a real gem! keep it up and update when the next chapter makes you feel like thee is nothing that could make it any better! well unless you're to hard on yourself then update when you are finished with it lol =D
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From ANON - chubs on December 15, 2005
excellent! cant wait for an update. good plot. nice pace. i hate how in some stories, draco is like automatically good. i luv this. UPDATE!!!
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From ANON - Tanny on December 15, 2005
Hello! I am here to review your fanfic, which, thus far, has been quite an enjoyable read. There are a few issues in your writing that devalue your work a bit, but that can be easily fixed, and there are several things about your writing that I would like to leave you kudos for.
Firstly, I feel that you frenzied style of writing (which I am very much a fan of, don't change those intense areas!) sometimes leads you to make small mistakes in your sentence structure, spelling, and grammar. At times there are words left out, and I don't mean sentence fragments, I understand that you are using these fragments for emphasis throughout the story. I do mean that you will have a sentence such as "As he went to grab her, trpped and fell," when you mean to say "As he went to grab her, he tripped and fell." These mistakes are small, and often hard to catch in fast-paced writing such as yours, but it detracts from the story when a reader has to pause and think, "now who tripped?" Perhaps a beta reader or some such thing could help, and if you'd like, I'd be happy to run through your story for you. Secondly, I notice at times that there are a few simple grammar errors, just things such as subject/verb agreement. Again, just little things that aren't intended but manage to slip by under the quick stroke of a keyboard.
Now I shall move on to those things about your writing that I adore. You have a powerful command over sentences and words when you want to, and you can bring alive extremely intense, frenzied feelings in your readers, allowing for a true vicarious experience. I found myself often on the edge of my seat while reading your story, desperate to read the next action. This is an extremely valuable tool in writing, one which I hope you do not lose. The story itself is becoming quite intense, and I very much like how you managed to break the tension a bit with Hermione's memory of herself, Ron, and Harry. It was well placed, the deep inhale before the dive into the tumultous confrontation between Draco and Harry. I also like the powerful Harry, though I feel that his crazyness is a bit pressed at times, but since this is something you have recognized and intended, I'm not very worried about it. Draco has become an interesting character. I must admit that, at the beginning of this story, I simply thought to myself, "Wonderful, another smutty story with whore!draco, and headgirl!hermione." Your Draco has grown from the one dimensional character he was at the beginning of the story, and I like the battle you have set up within him. I feel you have created a good, consistent Hermione as well. In too many D/Hr, Hermione becomes a rather didactic character, which is something I've found irritating as late. I like that her struggles, reactions, and reasoning has remained rational and true to the character you created. One final thing I'd like to critique is the timeline of your story. It remains a bit sketchy to me, and if I'm correct, these events have happened over the course of a week, yet Hermione is constantly finding herself suddenly very close to the winter ball. Also, I know Draco has turned a pivot, but you may want to give him some time to think and interact with people who aren't Hermione, if only for a paragraph or two. He has gone through a lot in a few days, coming to terms with the loss of his father, discovering what his relationship with his father really was, and questioning his own beliefs that have kept him stable since his father's death. The boy needs to take a nice long bath, maybe beat some things up on the Quidditch pitch, clear his head. Again, that is only my opinion, and it is your story, and should conform to your plan for your story. I just feel that the timeline is squeezed a bit too close together; a lot has happened in only a week.

I hope my comments both helped you in your writing and gave you a bit of confidence! You have a lot of talent, and a good command of emotion in your stories. You know how to excite your readers and placate them, and this is something very refreshing to see in fanfiction, especially D/Hr.

Kudos and Good luck!
Tanny
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From ANON - Dorothy on December 15, 2005
DHIwoefherufh.

HOLY MOTHER OF BEJESUS.

Have I told you I love you? Because I do. You seriously WIN at life woman, you do.

I AM SPENT. BUT I WILL RETURN. WITH WORDS! AND OMG what's with the CLIFFHANGER?! DEATH TO ME, I SAY!

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From ANON - Dyien on December 15, 2005
wow this is deep dude, deeper than ur typical fanfic. nice one wit draco and his dad there, really original. ;) i want more!!
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From ANON - Jadziadaxx on December 15, 2005
man oh man, yep...this is a good one people. it just floooowwwsss. I love it!
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From ANON - unknown on December 15, 2005
rereading it is stll great....read it late last night n again today......man.......gives me goosebumps.......please update soon....so post if youre going to do it anytime soon........its torture
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From ANON - draco_my_god on December 15, 2005
WOW!
OMG! That was one of the best story's that i have ever read. i mean wow. You have to update fast. I cant' wait. Love the way they hate each other but like always theres a thin line between hatred and love or just feelings. You could not have caught draco's character any better.
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