Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Bad Bad Snape

By : papirionara2006

From ANON - DDMalfoy on January 02, 2006
Um...you do know that a penis no matter how large it is, does not show as a pooch on a womans stomach right? That alone made me laugh my ass off. I do have to suggest you need to take your time a bit more when you are writing. Getting an A in English doesn't mean you know how to write a good story. It just tells us you know the mechanics, and let me say, you aren't showing that very well here.

I see some people have told you that you need a beta, well get one. You can still tell your story, but it will just be easier on those who are reading. It throws someone off when they read "chocked on her cough" instead of "choked." And if you are writing about a character, spell their name correctly.

Your idea is good. While it has been done before, in this world of fanfiction, there are very few original ideas left. But there is no reason why you can't make this interesting.
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From papirionara2006 on January 02, 2006
Wow..
Thank you very much for your time to enlighten me about fan fic, and I really mean it.
I kind of just woke up from thinking that a lot of these people who read fan fic didn't take it seriously. It seems like there is so much more to it.
Fan fic must be a great passion in all of your lives, and now I feel like I have intruded in something that I didn't have a right to, by making a sloppy story.
I will finish this one, and call it the last fan fic that I will write with out using 'spell check' or a dictionary or anyother things that I should be using. (Beta maybe one of them, but I really won't let my friends do the editing for they can serious kick my ass for doing NC-17 stuff)
Next time when i come back writing about Severus and Hermione, I will try to finish at least two of the books of HP and try to improve with my writing skills.
But I will atleast finish this one, I am not quitting. And i am seriously sorry if I continued doing a sloppy job, or if I offend anyone by doing so.
Just know I am finishing the story, and no attack on my part towards the serious fan fic fans.
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From ANON - WickedlyWanton on December 31, 2005
Hello! I just wanted to say that you wanting to write fan fiction is commendable. As a writer, fan fiction is something that I create when I have a particularly bad spot of writer's block for my own stories. If you are new to fan fiction, I would recommend that you at least read some of the better stories out there before trying to write yourself. You may be young, but that does not mean that you should sacrifice yourself and your penname just because you think you should be able to put something out. It does take courage to post a story, but posting a bad story shows immaturity. A story does not have to be something that everyone has to like, but people need to be able to read it without getting a headache or being embarassed for the writer. The thing about an imagination is that we must be able to use it, to see the story in pictures, not have to rewrite a story in our minds. You speak about not liking the complete descriptions and only want to get to the down and dirty obviousness of action. That is not really writing. All that creates is a feeling that you don't really care about what you are writing, you just want to try to shock people by putting together the most vulgar words and call it a story. When your reviewers speak about developing a character, it means that you have to make a reader feel that they can relate to the character-Snape's evil side has to strike fear, Hermione's feelings have to evoke sympathy; any character's actions or words must evoke an emotional respose from a reader. It is the CHARACTER and their actions I want to think about, not how horrible the writing is. As I have stated, it is not whether you can post a story, it is whether you should. Personally, I believe that anyone can be a writer. In the world of fan fiction, there are some tough audiences, but most will readers will give you a fair review. I am always leery when it comes to those readers who seem to review every story with the same "It's great, update soon!" review. It makes me feel that either they did not really read it, or they are so lacking in language skills that they have no idea what is really going on. I am not trying to put you down, but if you are really as young as your writing shows, then you do need to grow up in your writing. Impatience is not a virtue in anything, and especially not if you are trying to write a multi-chapter fic, PWP or not. My advice to you is to go to Ashwinder or any of the Sycophant Hex sites, or maybe ThePetulantPoetess, or to any site where your chapters actually have to be verified for content, grammar, spelling, and story-line for it to be posted. Read a few of those fics to find out how you need to write, read their policies on posting stories, and look up a beta. You know what a beta is and I can tell you they are a lifeline. Your beta can become one of your best friends. Then, after you have made preparations to improve your writing and your fic, do so, and care about it. I hate reading fics where it is obvious that the writer just slapped something onto the page without thinking about it. Stream of conciousness writing is all well and good, but when publishing it on a public world-wide forum, the last thing anyone wants is a humiliating experience. Good luck with your future writing, and I hope to see an improvement soon!
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From ANON - a_reader on December 31, 2005
papirionara2006, I'm glad you take things in good spirit and I wish you a lot of luck with your writing. It takes a brave person to even try, much less to open oneself to criticism. Good luck and Happy New Year to you too.
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From ANON - Oh My on December 31, 2005
If you click on the Become An Author link, it will show you the terms of service including the part about a disclaimer. Basically, all stories must have a disclaimer (usually found as the first thing in Chapter One) stating that you do not own the characters that belong to the original author (in this case J.K. Rowling) and that you will not profit financially from your story. You can look at some of the other stories on here to get an idea of what a disclaimer looks like.
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From papirionara2006 on December 31, 2005
Thank you a_reader. That actually made me think about copy and paste the whole story to 'word' so I can fix it up.
I will start tomorrow when new years is over. And I mean, I will fix it, and at least make it 'readable' as you like. cheers.
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From ANON - a_reader on December 31, 2005
I believe the audience of this forum can handle quite a bit, even darkdarkdark!Snape, but the darkest Snape is no fun to read if the author won't even attempt to follow the basic rules of story writing, nor listens to the advice she claims to want. Your disdain for 'mushy' and etc. is fine, but at best what you've generated so far is a series of incomplete vignettes that, errors and grammar/language problems aside, fail to even add up to an entertaining scenario. No, you don't have to write "serious" but you should strive for "readability." Please draft out a story line, re-edit yourself to some semblance of coherency and try again. We'll be here with words of encouragement when you do.
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From ANON - Anon on December 31, 2005
like I said, its all about sex in this story....
anyways, I felt that I got the same criticism again and again and again... So I got really bored.

I really looked for the disclamer, but I couldn't find it!?
Which chapter is it? And is it a title that has a problem?
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From ANON - Oh My on December 31, 2005
Please avail yourself of a beta. Of course none of this will matter soon as you haven't bothered to write a disclaimer either.
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From ANON - Anon on December 31, 2005
I find it quite funny that while you claim you don't care how harsh a critic is that you constantly jump in to defend yourself. You obviously are too sensitive for honest criticism.

Your writing style, grammar, and spelling need improvement. Keep writing, as practice makes perfect. Ubung macht dem meister. You should take the time to find a beta as suggested previously. It shows a marked contempt for your own work and the language you are using if you don't attempt to do your best. You claim you can do better - DO IT!! No one likes a lazy writer.

On a whole this story is not very good. Edit, edit, edit.....then edit again.

Good luck!
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From ANON - angel on December 31, 2005
man ... please please more ... man snape .. later for for now

angel
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From ANON - Anon on December 31, 2005
Ch. 6: Your HTML or something is all screwed up, as the story ends abruptly after only a few paragraphs.
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From papirionara2006 on December 31, 2005
Just for some explanation
There is over 190 languages in this world. German/spanish/French are not the only language that remains to be used til this day.
Next, I am probably younger than all of you, but I still got an A in English so I feel like I have a right to do what ever I want when it comes to writing what I am interested in.
(Yes, English isn't my first language, but you wouldn't know that if I put an effort.)

But thank you for the people who liked my story. Really, it is porn with out plot, and I kind of like it that way because I hate long mushy things. (like I said before)
I will update the story before I go out for New years, so hope the ones who are interested will enjoy it!
Happy New years!

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From ANON - Lady Wordsmith on December 31, 2005
I get the impression that English is not your first language. Perhaps if you want to write fanfiction so bad, you might want to consider posting it in your native language. Occasionally we have stories posted here in German or French by those who are not fluent in English, but wish to post anyway for their own enjoyment and perhaps for the pleasure of their fellow nationals who might come across this site.

If you insist on continuing to post here in English, please try to work harder on things like proper use of verb tense, dialogue, and general formatting. You might want to pick up a well-written novel and try to emulate the style of the book until you develop your own.
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From ANON - SnapesPet30 on December 31, 2005
I'm confused what happen to chapter 6? It looks funny.
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