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Reviews for A Last Request

By : bellgirl
  • From ANON - fiona on January 02, 2006
    i can't believe this only has four stars right now!!!! i love it so much and it deserves nothing below five! some other stories that have five do not deserve them, but have them anyway. well you now have about 90 reviews so readers do love it. i read the other reviews and saw the one with the your and you're stuff and although i do not recall them but there were a couple of mistakes for exmple i believe the word was 'on' but you ment it to be 'of' it's a common mistake don't feel bad even betas can over look that stuff. it happens. And with the ovulation (sp) situation i do think wow that was creepy, but i liked it. not everyone will like the same things. i love this story as do, as it would seem many others! please update for another chapter this seems very promising! also please don't take reviewers reviews the wrong way i do believe they were only tring to help. well that's if you do take it wrong like some do and don't continue, but please do! i really do love this. i 'm done with my babbling, sorry lol! :)
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  • From TrinityLayne on January 02, 2006
    Beautiful.. that was simply beautiful. please say you'll write more of this! :) I almost cried at the end. When she flashed back to him saying he loved her, but hopefully it will all work out for 'moine, and that Draco will live... PLEASE say Draco will live... *Begging* ;P well i hope u do continue.. later!
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  • From Muggleman on January 02, 2006
    YOU MUST WRITE A SEQUAL!!! this is so good i hope that harry and ron show up and if they do i hope there ok with this the possabilitys you could make them still love her or shun her dont let them shun her tho this was so sad let draco live
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  • From ANON - TNgirl on January 02, 2006
    This had better not be the end!! It's too good to end here!! Keep writing!!!
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 02, 2006
    Get a second beta:

    e.g. of some glaring mistakes:

    Your - belonging to you
    you're - (contraction) you are


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  • From ANON - Caro on January 02, 2006
    I really liked it and would love to see more... but that review (the only one a read that wasn't 100% "I love this story") I have to say I kinda agree. It was really verbosly stated but whoever it was has a point. I read your A/N and I get that you don't want to change anything... but when you put something out there, you're gonna get some critics... But, while the ANON above could have said it a little better, it's more like advice for future writing... or least that's how *I* mean it... though I guess i haven't actually said anything yet. It's fan fiction, it's meant to be fun, and yeah... this would totally never happen in JK's world (or ours lol) but that doesn't mean it's not entertaining- most fan fiction is only entertaining when it's a tad off-the wall. This was hot, it left me wanting more. Could it use work stylistically? Sure but you've made it clear you don't wanna work any more on this part so move forward. I guess what I'm trying to say (with little success) is that I agree with all of the reviews... the couple of hundred that start with "OMG" and the only one that had a problem. Critisicm is healthy. Learn and grow. :) Peace out.
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  • From ANON - Maria on January 02, 2006
    Hope you would continue this...Its a nice story by the way!
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 02, 2006
    good... i liked it... it was hot but there was just one thing that I can't get over.

    that whole explanation about how he found out she was **ovulating**?? Kinda gross and highly unlikely that any girl (canon or non-canon Hermione aside) would under any circumstances agree to sleep with him for the purposes of getting pregnant after hearing that he'd been spying on her for months and keeping track of her bodily functions... I mean that's just insane. How, after hearing that, did she not think... "Hey, Draco's completely and literally lost his mind... I have to get out of here"?

    Regardless of all that... it just seemed that you put a lot of effort into manipulating the circumstances to fit the plot of the story you wanted to tell... You wanted this encounter to be mainly about Draco wanting Hermione to have his baby and they had to conceive that night b/c he was being hunted and it might be the last chance.... SOO... you had to make Draco CERTAIN that she would conceive... so you made up this *long, forced explanation* about polyjuice and ovulation tests and three months of basically mapping out the inner workings of the poor girl's body when... HELLO... they are MAGIC. This is fan fiction about witches and wizards. You could have made it so much simpler. It's your take on a magical universe. You could have made up any kind of spell you could imagine to make her fertile or to check to see if she was fertile, ya know without having to disguise himself as her best friend and make chit chat about menstruation (I can imagine how that *conversation* went) or breaking into bathrooms to steal urine.

    I know my style of criticism might read a little harsh, but trust me... I like the story, but this (what I've been talking about) just took me out of the it. It's a criticism about content, not talent. Just think a little more about the universe you're writing in. I mean, would Hermione really need to take a muggle pregnancy test? Wouldn't the wizarding world have a fairly simple spell? I'm not saying you have to write canon... that's not all that fun but at least keep it in the realm of human behavior and take into consideration the world of the fandom.
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 02, 2006
    MORE PLEASE!!!!
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  • From ANON - Brett on January 02, 2006
    This was awesome!! I loved it! Please do a sequel! I want to see what happens next!
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  • From ANON - spanky_mcwhackwhack on January 02, 2006
    On second thoughts... please don't continue this. I think it was perfect and it leaves you thinking about yourself in such a situation. Don't draw it out or complicate it more, just leave it as the most memorable one-shot on this site. I do think you should write more Draco/Hermione fics though!! ^_^
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  • From ANON - portia on January 02, 2006
    i love this so much! i mean so much emotion! i was so moved and pulled into this story, i mean it a lot of stories don't effect me the way this one has i think it would be sad if this didn't continue this is so far one of my favs. also do you have a story over on i thinks it's fanfictionnet? because your name is framiluar (sorry i don't know if i spelled that right) but if you are the same i loved your story over there you're on my favs list. you are very talented! :) please update soon i would love it, i think we all will !!!!!
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  • From ANON - Rhapsody on January 02, 2006
    I LOVED it! It was so emotional and Hot!! It would be great if you could write more chapters. Thanx
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  • From ANON - Hunidew on January 01, 2006
    NO no no nonononono! You CANNOT leave it there! Come on! You have so much potential for an already amazing story. I know you can do it! This story can go beyond a one shot. Its too hot to handle! I will definatly vote for this fic! Hey don't you think that AFF should have they're own awards and voteing polls?
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  • From ANON - S.Felton on January 01, 2006
    that was awesome... u should definitely do more chappies and draco should be alive
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