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Reviews for Horus Goes Home

By : pmczarnecki711

From kole on April 22, 2021
tbh i was wanting horus to sleep with a huge coven of women, who would only have sex with him and be loyal to him, and not just human women, but females in general, creatures such as vampires and different kinds of elves.
wanted to see a lot of women be his mates/bondmates/slaves/concubines/consorts, from different franchises to, tbh

koleslade24@gmail.com

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From ANON - obliviated fan on December 26, 2014
I am so very sad that this is incomplete. While the writing is unpolished and skips or mixes up a lot of words or phrases, or uses many shortcuts that are uncommon, it is still very promising, and the story is as well. It only helps that the chapter length is large enough to easily be whole stories from some other writers.
My main complaint, other than the grammar and mixed up shortcuts, is that some of the early lemons suffer way too much from copypasta syndrome.
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From ANON - Dali Leung on December 06, 2012
A shoddy excuse for a crossover.
The author has run roughshod over several fanfics, blatantly borrowing ideas, and even plagiarizing at times.
The lack of any sort of beta reading makes this fic a challenge for anyone to read.
If you are one of the few who have managed to complete this story, lacking in direction, plot, grammar and spelling as it is, I congratulate you. You've successfully wasted several hours reading donkey tripe.
A good day to you, and a sincere hope that this author never writes anything ever again, until he learns, at the very least, some basic writing skills.
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From wrestlefreak36 on September 22, 2011
can you write a xander as horus story? i would like to read it.
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From iamjmph01 on October 04, 2009
sorry me again, i found another missing dialogue spot

"What happened next was not something that Horus was ready for even with reading up on the topic. Trish came into the room. Their eyes snapped to each other. For a moment there appeared to be a golden shimmer in Trish's eyes while there was a silver in Horus's eyes. In that moment everything that had happened since they had last scene each other flicked past there eyes. The highlights staid visible as the shimmer vanished but the secondary effect remained if perhaps temporarily.

Horus said to Trish while the others wondered what was said while he seemed to be looking at himself.

Trish said in the same manner while standing firm despite seeing herself through his eyes.

Horus responded formally.

Trish replied before continuing, "It is good to have you back. Things are just not the same when you are gone.""

Now, its been awhile since the last time i read this, but i think the missing dialogue is them talking in the sorceric or mystic language, so my guess is that it is a problem with how you seperated that from regular speech...
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From iamjmph01 on October 03, 2009
hey, first i just want to say thank you for writing. I enjoy Horus and Harry and Kiki. Thank You.

I followed the story on ficwad, and then spent awhile looking for it again. Im rereading it for like the 3rd time, and i noticed something here on the aff version... In chapter 10: Summer Vacation 2: Back to Moon, you have a large section in which the dialogue is just missing... i copied it to show you...

"Horus disappeared from view causing the Senshi to think that this maniac had succeeded before he suddenly appeared behind her and smacked her attack into her. She screamed as she fell down. He had never invaded his girls' privacy and as such had never gazed into their star seeds. He saw the protocols and enchantments behind their powers. They were the descendants of his father's soldiers and the codes were still there. This bitch had lost her mind and was bent and determined to recreate the kingdom that had fallen.

He looked at her and said sadly yet authoritatively,

Sailor Pluto snapped to attention as her face lost all emotion and personality. This caused Horus to sigh. 'The command is rooted to her star seed as it has come to be called,' he thought. 'It has viral properties in that it connects to the soul and then spreads symbiotically. No wonder he was required to banish his soldiers far from earth and yet they still eventually returned.'

Horus said.

she said mechanically as instructional mode was not designed for free thought. Her eyes were for the most part devoid of any intelligence or emotion. She made a machine look more self aware than she was. Their was a tiny spark in the distance of her mind that was aware of what was going on behind all the Geas's controls on her mind.

Horus sighed as he heard the list of commands she lived under. He was grateful that their makers' commands were unable to be overridden. It was obvious that the Absolute and Superseding commands were hard wired into their matrices. They trumped any commands given by the Serenity line. He did not even want to know what all the commands the Serenities had placed for her to obey.

Horus was thinking furiously as he processed what to do. He had sat down as he heard her statements not even paying attention to Uranus and Neptune or the little girl who was possessed by a very weak demonic parasite. He was so out of it that he did not sense the dormant parasite as he was so concerned with this revelation. Finally, he came to a decision. He looked at Pluto and gazed deep into her eyes trying to peer into her very soul. He took a deep breath before he began.

Horus said.

Her eyes closed and her head went down as the new codes were added. Setsuna tried to scream inside her mind that this was not happening that this male could not counter her queen's commands. As the priorities were removed, so were their compulsions. She was forced to see her life and what she had done under those compulsions.

she asked before she raised her head and opened her eyes.

Horus said as he noticed that she was sad behind the commands.

She blinked as her priorities changed and the emotions hit. She dropped to he knees and hurled as she realized what those commands had led her to do. She was grateful that she was stopped before she had done anything worse. All those people that were sacrificed; it was her fault. At least she had been stopped before the Great Freeze was engineered, or she would have gone insane. Sacrificing over ninety percent of the current world's population to allow the Senshi to rule the mind controlled remaining populous made her sick."

just thought id point that out... i cant find another posted version that has the dialogue, and it does kinda take away from the story.... anyways, thanks for writing...
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From marinepotterfan on August 21, 2009
I hope this is not the end, I see you have edited it not that long ago. I hope you finnish it.

MPF
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From Dfnt on November 30, 2007
This is a very great story, will you please update it, because after the FIASCO of the Deathly Hallows and the Dumb-as-a-door mess there are very few good stories out there and this is one of the better ones.
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From harrington0207 on August 15, 2007
HOLY FUCK MAN!! HE RIPPED THOSE PEOPLES ASSES A NEW ONE!! I LOVE YOUR STORY!!!!!!
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From ANON - The Smiler on August 24, 2006
Good story, I'm looking forward to seeing more.

Now in the earlier chapters you are somewhat repetitive with the sex/lemon parts, with whole paragraphs being copied into different chapters.

Oh and you make quite a few homonym errors (i.e. words that sound identical, but are written differently/mean different things) - especially the confusion of "do" and "due" happens very often.

Other than that fun story - oh and how about another chapter that shows a bit more of the aftermath for Xander and the Scooby gang?
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From ANON - Shinobu Sensui on February 13, 2006
update please!!!!!!!!!!!!
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From ANON - han on February 13, 2006
In the next chapter, I would like Hermione becomes the new Horus's slave . Horus must order in Parvati, Padma, Lavande and Hanna to train Hermione. But, Hermione must remain virgin because it is Horus which must take Hermione's virginity . Parvati, Padma, Lavande must explain to Horus the punishment that Hermione had during the slumber party with the others witches.Update tomorrow. I want at least two chapters per month, please.

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From ANON - lando on February 13, 2006
In the next chapter, I would like Hermione becomes the new Horus's slave . Horus must order in Parvati, Padma, Lavande and Hanna to train Hermione. But, Hermione must remain virgin because it is Horus which must take Hermione's virginity . Parvati, Padma, Lavande must explain to Horus the punishment that Hermione had during the slumber party with the others witches.Update tomorrow. I want at least two chapters per month, please.

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From ANON - chewbacca on February 13, 2006
In the next chapter, I would like Hermione becomes the new Horus's slave . Horus must order in Parvati, Padma, Lavande and Hanna to train Hermione. But, Hermione must remain virgin because it is Horus which must take Hermione's virginity . Parvati, Padma, Lavande must explain to Horus the punishment that Hermione had during the slumber party with the others witches.Update tomorrow. I want at least two chapters per month, please.

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From ANON - palpatine on February 13, 2006
In the next chapter, I would like Hermione becomes the new Horus's slave . Horus must order in Parvati, Padma, Lavande and Hanna to train Hermione. But, Hermione must remain virgin because it is Horus which must take Hermione's virginity . Parvati, Padma, Lavande must explain to Horus the punishment that Hermione had during the slumber party with the others witches.Update tomorrow. I want at least two chapters per month, please.

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