Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for Gela Temporem

By : MrsTaraYuyMaxwell

From ANON - Selenea on July 20, 2006
i really like this story and i sincerly hope you continue with it.
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From ANON - woof on July 16, 2006
since you've gotten 31 or 32 votes to continue don't you think you SHOULD?????????? It's a good story line, fast forward to Harry's 7th year, have Neville blown up something, take the baby out of stasis and let Harry step in. Or Remus. What's holding you back????? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
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From ANON - ZRrose on July 11, 2006
More please.
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From ANON - FallenAnge; on July 08, 2006
There is no reaseon to not continue. the plot has seriously caught my attention and i would love to see how it unfolds.
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From ANON - eci_frog on July 02, 2006
OMG! You have to continue this fic! It is a wonderfull plot. I can`t wait to see what happens next.
Yes, yaoi would be nice. As to what paring I don`t know, but please no Dumbledor/Snape!

Keep writing.
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From ANON - Fia on June 26, 2006
Continue !!!!!
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From ANON - Addie mae on June 25, 2006
yes continue it sounds positively interesting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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From ANON - anon. on June 23, 2006
i really like this so far i was thing that it could be just after harry defetes vodiy and then the potion accident occur and snapes ends up in the hospital wing where everyone discovers the baby bring up questions of who the father is and when he sleep with someone also you could make the real father dead in so death eater thing so that severus wouldn't have to worry about him., harry feeling gulity about the accident( since it could have killed the baby ) takes it upon himself to help snape and start falling for him and snape grows to trust harry etc etc.
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From ANON - Layla Hamilton on June 17, 2006
You should really continue and make it a Sirus/Serverus(or James) thing with future Draco/Harry. I look forward to the next chappie!!!
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From ANON - Gilaine on June 14, 2006
This sounds really good! Please keep going - this is a concept that I haven't read before and I'm so glad that the father isn't someone we already know from the books - i.e, JP or LM - I hate those pairings! JP most often hated as it always goes against cannon...... dear Sev's life we have more room to make really strange histories!....

Toodles, Gilaine.
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From ANON - Nobodynow on February 10, 2006
Yes please continue! You write for anime right? Here I believe they refer to yaoi and shonen ai as 'slash' so that might clear it up for nonanime fans. Please have it be yaoi! Any pairing you'd like but don't just listen to what ever gets the most votes. It has to make sense to you as well or it's suck because you don't know how to write for that particular pairing. I hate it when people write a story and it can be great but is seems like they drew names from a hat to pick the pairing and it could fit for anyone. Personally I don't think a girl would be able to cope with Snape's pregnancy. She wouldn't understand why he would be embarassed if he cried and he'd feel weak if he confessed to a girl, it would make him feel too feminine. So those are my reasons for it being slash.

Now I'd like it if you'd go through this and add a bit. Actually you sounded like me, begging for an honest and thorough review so I'll give it to you. Be afraid be very afraid...

First in the beginging it sounds way to bland. Snape wouldn't be so uptight about it if it was his first time or anything, that really wouldn't accure to him, not as much as a girl anyways. However if this boy Barneby or whatever (evil evil!) wanted him for sex not only would the lust be rolling off him, and shinning annoyingly bright in his eyes but his movements would reflect it too. Snape being the human that he is (hopefully) would subconsiously and automatically pick up on unconsious hormones he would be sending out. Yes most of this happens without either parties knowledage. Plus it really didn't have many of the effects of rape. Snape was disgusted, that's the adult you're thinking about but as a kid he'd react with less control and more fear. Yes once you said he was afraid but you didn't carry it out throughout the entire fic. He seemed terribly calm and controlled and as we can see in book five he reacts violently as a kid to others' tormenting of him. Now that's an interesting angle if I do say so myself. You can continue this a few months after the rape and include a few interactions with James. Show how James teasings gave him room to fight even if he made a fool of himself he could react with malice, with this Bumaby(whatever his name it) he couldn't find any leeway. There was no way he could justify or comfort himself for it happening, since rape is primarly about control by allowing the boy to gain control he failed and he can only blame himself. Like when you keep trying to convince yourself it was okay to yell at your mom because she DIDN'T let you go to a party that EVERYONE was going to, despite the fact that the kids you were supposed to be riding with got into a car crash driving drunk. With James it's normally James that starts it so Snape can damn well finish it. But he will see the rape as his fault and he won't be able to play mind games and use his anger to get rid of fear or self loathing. It would eat away at him a bit more than what you've shown.

Also I fail to see why a boy would rape another simply for sexual gradification. That's really not how most rapes are caused, as I said before it's about control. It'd be a bit more realistic if it had the evil boy thinking "I've always wanted to try it from behind" like him pretending he's just doing it for sex when really he's trying to get control over his life (hello Dear Abby meet Mamma Nobody) or something else to back it up. Why not ask him to use a dark spell to get a girl to have sex with him? Much more logical if you ask me, that's what he would've done if he just wanted sex. If he's straight why rape a guy? Male on male rapes are usually done for sick lusts that don't just appear because he's not getting some. He's go after a girl, like a school slut so anything she said wouldn't carry much weight. I'm assuming that even a lazy idiot would try to get the most done with the least amount of trouble.

Moving on to his physical condition. At first you're like it wasn't bad but it wasn't good either, then state he has ripped muscles. If the boy entered him no lube no preperation he'd be ripped up pretty badly from the start. And even lubed and prepared it hurts, there's no way he'd just brush it off no screaming or crying or thrashing. Remember this is him younger, while he may be a tough little squirt (like to see what he'd do to me if he ever found out I called him that...) you can't repress human nature in that kind of situation unless maybe it's been happening all your life. If he did cry or something wouldn't the other boy humiliate him even more about it? It would damage his self esteem and heighten his fear even more. The actual physical act wasn't ver convincing nor were his thoughts. They seemed almost detattched, unaffected. The good moments were him wishing to clean himself and a few other things like that but once again it wasn't carried thoroughout the entire event. His emotions weren't clearly displayed, while I know most people wouldn't know their own emotions until later maybe never, his thoughts would reflect them anyways. The only thing I got overall way that he was disgusted with having sex not that it was rape. It rather underminds that it was indeed rape.

For future refrence when his boyfriend does finally find out and ask why he kept the child then it'd be best to explain a bit about his past. It would be best if you told it from his point of view in a flash back not as " A child watched his mother beaten and tried to help" it would sound awkward and weird to me, once again detatched and it'd be hard to show his feelings without sounding mildly cheesy or choppy and immature. It just needs some more deliberation on him keeping the baby, maybe a selfish desire to get rid of it so he didn't have to worry about it before he found the spell? It moved way to quickly there, just "I won't get rid of it, oh look! here's a spell to help me!" you need more of his in depth thoughts. Make him seem human, if I got pregnante at like sixteen I'd be back and forth between living my life how I want it and ending a human life or living the rest of my days around a baby never experiencing it to the fullest. He's an unsure kid and that needs to be shown more.

Also while the bond thing that comes with the spell is a bit cliche, at least it's very vauge, and the whole 'only put the spell on once' makes for great conflict and alot of fear or anger when it's removed on accident. That part was a nice touch, now that's covering all your bases, no turning back now Snapy-poo. I got the best nick names for him don't I? Feel free to laugh hystarically at me.

Speaking of covering your bases are you sure you can handle a rape in the fiction? That's taking on a lot of responsability, it has to effect him on some level for the duration of the entire fiction and his later life. When he's making love it will make him feel unworthy, when his lover tells him he loves him it'll be on the back of his mind making him untrustful. I'm not saying he'll turn into a whimpering victim. Snape is not only an adult but he has good logical thinking, he won't fall into to much self loathing because he'll compare himself to those simpering pathetic women on day time TV talking about their cheating husbands(HIS opinion not mine, it's okay girls! we'll show those men what cheating gets them!). However it will be in the back of his mind and have some effect. Most of it will be right after, a slight fear of touch he'll try to hide or he'll shut himself off more if that's even possible. Thankfully, the rape in this one won't be all consuming for him the way you've set it up, but it must be included at least a bit.

Besides a slight immatuatiy (my opinion not everyone thinks this is immature, I mean that as like this is how most writers start out writing, lets just hope you haven't been writing for years or I'm about to get yelled at...) in your writing style which should always be your own it's very good grammically.

An example of what I don't like about your writing style:

"How had he gotten into this situation again? Oh right, earlier when he had been so caught up in reading one of the afore mentioned books that he
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From ANON - Lucius Aiava on February 07, 2006
1) yes you should carry on
2) yaoi pairings? no idea..
I love it so far, absolutely confuses and amuses, I wouldn't mind Mpregs.. I could be me and still have a family you know?
As for going to hell... why god made men not capable of pregnancies if they so choose I do not know (the evil diety) you will not go to hell unless you want to... Snape rocks.. must admit.. >D.. I feel for him... having a miserable child hood.. anywho, back to the hell thing, Hell is warmer and you are alowed to do dirty and "wrong" things. anyone who thinks this fic sucks should go drown in a fiery casm... kk ^_^ plz write more etc etc ^_^
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From ANON - angel millinea on February 01, 2006
I love this story so far, keep it up ^_^
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From ANON - firefly on January 29, 2006
on second thought this has a definate sev and remus story potental go you XD
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From ANON - firefly on January 29, 2006
i have decided that i love this story i hope you continue it i look forward to reading more and for pairings i like SS with either LM HP RL TR/LV or SB any of these pairings could make an awesome fic
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