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Reviews for Mates

By : LeoZodiac
  • From ANON - baconsux on February 10, 2006
    hn. interesting. decently written thought i see mistakes here and there. I suggest you consider getting a beta. It will help your story.

    So far, the plot is wonderful, interesting, hot.
    Update, I'm getting excited over this fanfic.
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  • From ANON - jamie on February 10, 2006
    like the story its great! can't wait to read more
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  • From ANON - baconsux on February 10, 2006
    your writing style.. to put it bluntly, sucks. As constructive criticism, i will give you some advice. Stop rushing the story. The plot is wonderful but you're making the story go too fast without details.
    Also, I absolutely hate it when the authors give their main character a lot of pity and or sympathy. You make the other characters seem useless and coldhearted.. like they arent as important as the main character. You WANT us to gather on a pity party for Harry. You made him seem weak and all naiive and innocent. Theres no problem with that but you are pushing it wayyy over the borderline.

    You are also writing in past tense. "He had..."
    I, myself prefer present tense over past tense. It sort of ruins the story. Of course, you do not need to change it.. but I think most readers prefer it. Past tense needs to be written carefully.. and I saw many slip ups in this first chapter. With your writing style.. I suggest u change it to present tense. It will make the story seem a whole lot better.

    and theres not such word as "sorta". Change it to sort of.

    Your story plot is wonderful. You made it more creative then the cliche 'harry/severus mate' stories. Harry now has two mates and that makes the story seem more interesting and hottt.

    You're doing an alright job. Just try to use my criticism usefully instead of hatefully. I know its annoying to get these criticism from us reviewers... but you cant have "WOW your story is so good!" reviews all the time. Dont write in the upcoming chapter to bitch at me. Ignore this review if you will. but i can tell you that you are not a good author if you ignore this. Us (critics) are just trying to help you. We see potential in you to do better. You have a good plot going and all you need is a little help with your writing style.

    Thanks for listening and i hope this helps. I will continue to read this story because I find it interesting. Expect more criticism later. No fanfic is perfect.
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  • From ANON - l'etje on February 09, 2006
    wow this is very very good story keep going
    and keep writing and post soon soon!!!!!!!!!!
    byebye
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  • From ANON - Tyrisha on February 08, 2006
    sounds excellent so far. i don't really ever see this threesome, for the most part because Sirius and Remus are normally together in the stories i read, as a secondary pairing. i think i now have to reevaluate how i rank my favorite threesomes, you should be proud for changing my mind.
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  • From ANON - Bulisen on February 08, 2006
    This is really good! Can't wait till uoi update>:D
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  • From ANON - youthink?? on February 07, 2006
    i like the story a lot!!! please update soon.
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  • From ANON - Hambares on February 06, 2006
    Yeah! Another chapter! I'm glad that Harry was able to tell his story to Severus and Remus. But I am looking forward to seeing Draco's reaction to Harry being Severus and Remus' mate.
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  • From ANON - Nita on February 06, 2006
    loved it , was soo great cant wait for an update so keep up the good work and have fun writin!
    -Nita
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  • From ANON - jessica on February 05, 2006
    omg!! soo cute, you MUST update soon! i will go mad without reading more
    update quickly
    great story
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  • From ANON - lizzy on February 05, 2006
    wow... this is an awsome fic... i hope that you can up-dates it soon
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  • From ANON - Storm on February 05, 2006
    interesting update. I liked it. Good job!
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  • From ANON - kelz on February 05, 2006
    awesome keep the story coming i love it i cant wait to see dracos reaction to harry being severus' and remus' mate...:)
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  • From ANON - lacquer on February 05, 2006
    MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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  • From ANON - fel al on February 04, 2006
    Chapter 4 got posted twice
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