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Reviews for Sirius’ Pain (Completed/Revised)

By : ecco1983
  • From ANON - Joshua on July 05, 2006
    I really enjoyed this story. It's interesting to see how Remus' condition affects Sirius and what he does during this time. Like I mentioned at fanfiction.net, remember to show and not tell. A lot of the information in this story is told to us rather than shown. Remember that a lot of things can be told in dialogue. For example, the bit about Peter spying on James and Lily during their secret snogging sessions could've been told as dialogue and banter between Sirius and Remus. They could be talking about how it's just the two of them, and one could make a remark about James being with Lily and then another could make one about Peter spying on them. Another example of what I'm talking about is the bit when Sirius is outside of the room listening. You tell us that sometimes he cries, knowing he can't help. Instead of telling, have him cry. Show him sitting outside crying, listening to the howling. With that said, I really do like this story and the idea behind it. :)
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