Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Reviews for The Friday Boy

By : harriet

From ANON - GoSpikey on May 21, 2006
Hey, I just wanted to let you know I have been reading this story for the past day, and I like it! So far I've read the ending XD (to see where this was going) and I've then picked up the story from the beginning, and I'm currently around chapter 25, aka the more interesting ones for the Snarry fans.

I think your writing style isn't bad at all, well, let me just say that it's not screaming out 'I'm a 12-year old', so that's good XD. What I did want to comment on is the fact that, eg. when you let Dumbledore speak to Harry, I see you using 'Harry Potter', and then, 'Harry', and so on, basically I'm trying to say you don't need to repeat that name 4 to 5 times in a conversation, because they are like the only people in the room so you know that the other person is talking to you. Dumbledore in the books doesn't do it, I think, and so this one shouldn't either. This is something you can definitely correct/get better in, so I hope this comment was welcome.

Another thing is the usage of comma's, as in, there aren't that many in your story, and it means that the reader doesn't take a pause in a sentence where there should be one. This makes it a bit more confusing for us, and leads to us having to reread your sentence, and it's always nice that you don't have to make your readers reread like half a story, right? Every time you mention someone's name in a sentence, there should be a comma before the name. Where you have to pause in your sentence, there should be one. Readers need breathers, especially in longer sentences, as they don't make much sense if you can't pause a couple of times in it. I hope you can manage to work a bit on that style, like I said before, your writing is good enough, and it would be nice to see your grammar being like that too! If you're not good at that yourself, you might want to consider getting a beta, who will hopefully be good at it XD. I do get that it would mean getting the chapters up is going to slow down, but as the chapters really aren't long, it shouldn't take long to beta, if you pick someone who isn't terribly busy.

I hope you realise this was meant as good, building critisism, if you really want to use that word for what I said. I really think these are points on which you can grow, so there should be no hard feelings whatsoever.

Question/remark on the story itself: I could be terribly wrong about this, which I probably am, as I haven't read the more interesting chapters yet, and only the part of Harry's belly ache, but I hope Harry doesn't miscarry the baby? Harry and Severus deserve some happiness together, and I hope you're going to give that to him in this story. Are you planning on doing a 'Harry kills Voldy story' and 'They lived happily ever after, especially with Bill Weasley nicely out of the way'? Can't wait for this to go that way, quite frankly. Oh heck, I even felt like crying multiple times like emotional!Harry did. Don't really know you are making him too emotional/a cry baby in here, but like I said at the beginning of my little remark, is he pregnant? OMG! Can he send a viper after Bill, preferably before the wedding night? I'd LOVE to read about Harry doing something like that to Bill, especially after Bill kicking him in the nuts, kissing Sev, being ready to marry him etc. Poor Harry's heart is breaking, and ours is breaking with it! WE WANT VENGEANCE! Shall it be taken? Me hopes so, the both of us. XD

*Eyes length, and sees she's getting caried away again.* Woopsie! I think I saw somewhere that there's an update list for this, or something like that? If you want, you may add me to it. Any chance of you posting this on a LiveJournal account, as it probably is *a bit* more stable than AFF, because yesterday, when I started reading parts, the server suddenly went kaboom, and I haven't seen that happen with LJ yet... Think about it.

See ya for now, and I hope it's see ya soon, preferably with a few nice length chapters, and vengeance for Bill being an ass. Oh yeah, don't feel too bad about some people being too lazy to do a review (I must admit I sometimes am too), because maybe a lot of people want to do one at the end? Your hits are nice, really. Just make sure you have every part of the story outlined, so you don't forget about things, and maybe having that nice outline will just make you have to/want to write about it? Again, also think about something LJ-like, where you can communicate with your readers, if you like that stuff.

*Feels like she really is just stretching this because she doesn't want to go study. - Kicks herself for that.* Uhm, sorry, being forced here, have to go now! Toodles!

Spikey
Report Review
From ANON - Eilsel on May 20, 2006
Arg... you didn't just end it like that... its pure evil. I love your story so far and if you don't update soon I may be forced to find you and threaten until you do...lol. Hey I liked the comment about the lack of snarry stories... sadly my favorite is lucius/harry... theres even less of those

Report Review
From ANON - Sara.A on May 20, 2006
Hi i've recently started to read this fic and have just finished all the chapters i just wanted to say that i love the background information you've created for Snape, especially how we just found out that he was forced to kill Proff. Grindfeld . Oh and i can't believe the twists you've just added, one after the other! I had no time to recover!! First Draco then Bill! LOL
Report Review
From ANON - Sami on May 20, 2006
Wow! Great story. I love the whole emotion of it. More, please!
Report Review
From ANON - Crimsn Regret on May 19, 2006
Hey come on! What ya doin you cant leave it there! chh!! Lol neway lovin how its goin, lovin the very clever story plot and lovin everything in general you brilliat writer you! Just one teeny tiny thing, I know for a fact blokes dont have sex with stomach cramps and if they do do they whinge about it till ya dont want to nemore if you get me. I dunno perhaps Harry's the grit the teeth and carry on type.

Anyway, LOVING it!

*Crimson Regret
Report Review
From ANON - Aislinn Nicole on May 18, 2006
Wow... that was a completely unexpected twist. I had no idea they were going to break it off at all much less so quickly! I'm kinda confused as to where this is going... I have faith in you though! I'd really like to see a Snarry pairing but somehow I think Draco might end up in there. Sorry, I'm just not a big Draco fan. And now Bill Weasley is being thrown in! Crazy! And just a guess... but Harry's "stomach pain" is a little more than he thinks it is, right? Wow... I really have no idea where you're going with this, but I'll keep reading! Thanks for the new chapters and update soon please!

~Aislinn
Report Review
From ANON - Maree on May 18, 2006
:0 I'm shocked!! This can NOT happen. No No No! I'm putting my foot down on this one! Harry and Snape have to get back together! Since this is a Harry/Snape story im guessing they will get back together...but i want them back together NOW! Bill is evil! And Harry cant be alone in his...condition! Oh and the ginny thing...no no this is bad! Great story none the less, you've got me hooked. PLEASE UPDATE ASAP!
Report Review
From ANON - vampchic on May 18, 2006
*sniffs* Poor Harry! Oh this is just too hard to read. I knew Harry and Snape whould hit some rough patches in their relationship, but I didn't think they'd actually break it off. Can you please kill off Draco? Pretty please? And while you're at it, maim Bill. What was the use in involving Harry if they already figured everything out? Unless of course Dumbledore told him this in hopes that Harry will take things into his own hands and fight to win Snape back. I'm beginning to believe that Harry is indeep pregnant, but I'm not yet positive. If he is, then the marriage between Snape and Draco or even Bill wouldn't hold, would it? I hope that something good happens, those two need to get back together and actually talk about what has happened. And he seriously needs to stop turning to Ginny for that kind of comfort, it just does not sound right. Harry belongs to Snape. Anywho, I'm so looking forward to the next update, see what other twists you manage to throw in lol.
Report Review
From ANON - thing 1 on May 17, 2006
Holy shit! Bill Weasley! Arg! That is an extremely nasty twist of faith. You'd better have Harry and Severus back together by the end of this fic! Lol. Can't wait for the next chapter!
Report Review
From ANON - Lioncourt on May 17, 2006
Oh no! Ooooh no! No way in HELL he is marrying that PIG! I'm telling you! It is not going to happen. Ever.
Report Review
From ANON - Sophia on May 17, 2006
This is turning very interesting. I really hope that Harry and Severus get back together soon. Bill Weasley keeps popping up more and more. This deal with Draco and Severus is also puzzling and I can't wait to see what happens. Keep up the very mezmerizing work.~Sophia
Report Review
From ANON - deb on May 17, 2006
oh fuck, Dumbledore fucking done this on purpouse! fucking idiots ooooo I hate DUMBLEDORE! please dont make Harry stupid enough to fall for Dumbledore's stupid plans. Make him realise Dumbledore is only doing it becuase he knows he is getting his way! This sucks, wonder whats going to happen now. I mean come on it looks as thought Snape will have to marry Bill Weasley...that is unfair. I'm not going to think of the story or how it can go. I mean you always have twists in your storys and i can never tell were they are going. So....I will wait and see i guess. But one thing is obvious is that Hopefully Harry is pregnant. also i hope when he finds out he does seek Severus out, not becuase he wants the relationship back or anything but becuase he doesnt know who else to turn to.
Report Review
From ANON - jengrace on May 17, 2006
OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!You are so mean to leave us hanging there. Please update really soooon!! Cant wait to find out what happens next.Thank you jengrace
Report Review
From ANON - Maree on May 15, 2006
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW!!!!!!!
Report Review
From ANON - glowing_haven on May 15, 2006
OMG...another great update...when's the next?????????????? *big puppy dog eyes*
Oh and I was wondering...is it just me and my imaginative mind or is there really the possibility of Harry being pregnant?????? I mean he slept with Snape unprotected that morning Severus had this hangover...sooooooo...just asking :-)
Report Review