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Reviews for Underground Romance

By : Natas
  • From ANON - as on February 09, 2010
    I do hope Severus mate with Jareth.
    I love it. Please say your going to contue this!
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  • From Kip on December 22, 2007
    This is shaping into a nice and rather original story, but spoiled a little for me in places by a few simple mistakes which jolt me back out of your narrative and therefore disrupt the impression that you are so obviously working to build.

    Presents/presence: 'presents' are either something giftwrapped that are given to someone. The word can also denote a formal introduction, for example: in the statement 'Disney Pictures presents Snow White and the Seven Dwarves'. However, on each occasion you have used it, you are actually talking about the impact of someone's personality, i.e. their presence.

    There are several grammatical errors in your writing, the most common of which is that you appear to change tense within a single sentence. Decide for yourself whether something has happened, is happening, or is about to happen and then stick to writing it from that perspective. This particular problem happens wherever you miss off the correct endings:

    "he need to contact Hoggle" ... should be written: 'he needed to contact Hoggle'. I can't actually think of any occasion in which 'he need' would be correct English.

    "caught it with a bewilder look on his face" ... should read 'bewildered'.

    "unaware that he was being watch or". A watch is something you wear so that you can tell the time - Severus being watched is what is happening here. That little 'ed' is crucial if you don't want half your audience tutting away to themselves instead of getting onto the next sentence.

    Your writing is good, in that the ideas are excellent, however your structuring lets you down in places "if he hadn
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  • From ShiTiger on May 06, 2007
    Love this story! Please update soon. Um... and I'd love to see the marauders find out about Sev being a fae (and even see him dressed up and pretty), before being sent back to Hogwarts.
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  • From ANON - miku on January 04, 2007
    Poor Jareth just can't have anything easily can he? Well done with this fic so far, I look forward to the next chapter! xxx
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  • From ANON - trustingfrndshp on January 04, 2007
    Wow, just found this and you've definitely caught my interest; not familiar w/Labrynth (sp?) but loving the fic so far that the 6 chapters I just read flew by; if you're still considering what to do w/the mauraders, I'd just let wizards deal w/them; can't wait for more:-)
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  • From ANON - ff on January 03, 2007
    i love your crossover into Labrynth (awesome movie!) and your severus is too cute or should i say pretty kitty lol:) thanks for sharing
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  • From ANON - as on January 03, 2007
    I like this story ^_^


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  • From ANON - kelly on January 03, 2007
    Keep updating!
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  • From ANON - kelly on November 15, 2006
    Update, update, update. What is taking so long? Love this story, can't wait to see you happens next.
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  • From ANON - Irene on October 29, 2006
    i love your story, it combines two of my fav. movies, and characters. PLEASE CONTINUE, i need more snape/jareth loving.lol.
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  • From ANON - OO? on October 26, 2006
    just send them back to dumbledore. Hell I would want them to live with the problem of Sev's utter Goblin capture...(though i think he's a lil willing now)....
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  • From ANON - Juno on September 17, 2006
    I love this idea! Please post more soon.
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  • From ANON - chibifae on September 16, 2006
    i wasn't gonna read this story at first but then i decided why not i liked the labrynth after all. i'm glad i gave it a peek. i like what u have so far. it's pretty interesting. I can't wait for the next update. oh and to answer your question i would like to see them be dealt with through wizarding law. update soon and often!
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  • From ANON - misanthropist on September 16, 2006
    Back to Dumbledore.
    (I noticed you didn't leave the option of their actually completing the maze in time. You might consider this option, though, if you should want to draw out the Goblin King's angst. In fact, it would be amusing to see him going to Hogwarts to complain to Albus about how the Mauraders cheated or something. Maybe threaten that he'd use his insider influence to get the Gringott goblins to lock up Dumbledore's vault. How hard would Albus fight for Snape anyway seeing as he didn't do much for the man until after he'd turned traitor on Voldemort. Hmm..that brings up another point: are the Slytherins aware Snape is missing?)
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  • From ANON - Stormraven on September 16, 2006
    Send them back to deal with Dumbledore! And Severus has fae blood?! Hmm...it would explain why he's such a powerful wizard...
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