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Reviews for Fallen Angel

By : heaven56
  • From ANON - miku on October 31, 2006
    I'm looking forward to reading more of this story. Keep up the good work!
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  • From ANON - amyordinary on October 31, 2006
    I'm with Snape.. that guy doesn't deserve to leave, but his death had better be slow and painful!
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  • From ANON - Sophia on October 31, 2006
    Thanks for updating so quick. Another excellent chapter and I can't wait for the next one. Keep up the great work!!
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  • From ANON - Sophia on October 31, 2006
    A very interesting start and I would love to read more. Keep up the very good work!!
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  • From ANON - astra on October 31, 2006
    You're using a concept used many times before, not a bad thing in itself but you also carry it out... badly. You need to work on your writing skills and grammar. You shift POW in the story something terribly, not just from one person to another but from third person to first person POW.

    Try to put yourself in the reader's position when you write. A reader cannot see what is going on in your head, you have to describe it, everyithing (don't overdo it, though) smells, sounds, views. Everything needs to be there, or at least implied. Else, the story will be mostly dialogue and it'll be like reading the manuscript of a play or movie. And remember, most readers are stupid so you really have to spell everything out to them. Views and sounds also makes the mood, pathetic fallacy and all that, adn that is what makes a story come alive.

    Please don't take this in a bad way, I only mean to help you become a better writer, and being one myself I know what traps it is easy to walk into. And please continue writing.
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  • From ANON - Anon on October 31, 2006
    Ok, you need to work on the dialog some. It seemd really forced, really nothing in it showed your characters personalities. You need to make it clearer that Snape is there alone, i didn't realize he was until he said "dumbledore would not mind him spending the money" or something similar to that. Work more on showing your characters personalities through the way they speak and thier mannerisms.. Copy and paste this link http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=7335&chapter=1&font=&size=
    and go there. It is another fanfic site and that is something a writer wrote to help other writers.
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  • From ANON - seres_mimosa on October 31, 2006
    I would really like to see where this story goes, please keep updating :)
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