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Reviews for Heir

By : Julianne
  • From kizzwizza on September 27, 2011
    Love this so fare send me a Emil when u update this sorry pleas update ASAP
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  • From coru on May 23, 2007
    awesome please update soon

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  • From catysmom1028 on February 08, 2007
    please update soon.

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  • From Leentjef on January 25, 2007
    keep going but make you chpter a little bit longer
    post soon
    bye bye
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  • From kcgx23 on January 25, 2007
    Interesting, I thought there would be more angst though. Please update soon.
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  • From Extraho on January 25, 2007
    oh, and i forgot to say, if you need a beta, just send me a mail and i'll do it.
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  • From Extraho on January 25, 2007
    your story is a good one, and really witty, but your grammar and signing, well, sucks. mark what people are saying with " ......" and what they're thinking with itallics or '........'.

    good luck
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  • From LadyNiteRaven on January 24, 2007
    I really like this story line, BUT please use "Quotations" when people are speaking so that it doesn't get lost in the story. It's hard to tell the difference between what someone is thinking and saying.

    More please.
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  • From thrnbrooke on January 24, 2007
    Tooo funny! Need chapter 5!
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  • From ANON - O.O on January 05, 2007
    Good Lord!

    1/
    Paragraphs have been around since before we had standardised spelling in the english language, please make use of them!

    2/
    Invest in a dictionary (or even use www-dot-dictionary-dot-com) for words you get stuck on, and to make sure you get the correct word. 'Wood' & 'Would' may sound the same, but I assure you they are completely different words.

    3/
    When you are including a device such as a letter, you need to separate the "letter" from the "story" so your readers don't have to guess. Even a simple linebreak (a blank line) would help.

    4/
    A dozen sentences does not equate to a chapter. What you should have called this "story" was "Heir: 50 Parts per Chapter".



    Ok, now that I'm finished channelling Snape, time for the constructive parts.

    If you really want to go ahead with this premise, write yourself out a plot outline of the things you want to have happen in your story; chronological order will help you to keep things together. (You don't need to put everything in all at once - when the basics is covered, then start fleshing it out with the little ideas, and work ahead from there).

    Whenever you write a chapter, read through it at least twice to weed out as many mistakes as you can. A beta-reader will help as well, though they can be hard to come by.

    There's more, but the best thing you can do is have a look at some of the other stories - most often the ones with lots of chapters (ie, people keep reading, so the author keeps writing) will give the best examples of structure and layout.
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  • From ANON - nekochan on January 03, 2007
    Why have you change the gender of HARRY. You don't like Harry in man. The story is good, but too fast. The chapters are too small.

    PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PWEAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE, LET'S HARRY IN MAN.
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  • From ANON - MarySueMustDie on January 02, 2007
    Troll in the dungeon, I hope. You are turning Harry into a Mary Sue and you really need a beta. Better luck on the rewrite.
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  • From SlashySnitch on January 02, 2007
    Hi! Umm...If you want an honest opinion, I'm here to give you mine. This story is slightly rushed and the grammar/spelling is a little off. My suggestion would be to get a Beta. You can find one in the 'Betas' Section of the site, and they'll help you with your grammar and whatnot. Hopefully this helps.

    This isn't a flamer, I swear! I really love the premises for this story and can't wait to read more, but I'm beginning to believe that either English isn't your first language, or you're not old enough to be on the site...I'm leaning towards the first, which is perfectly fine. You just need a Beta to help you! (I have a Beta, and English is my first language...^__^) It's really just for precautions.

    Anyway, I really like this story and can't wait for more.

    Slashy Snitch
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  • From ANON - L.H. on January 02, 2007
    Your grammar and spelling needs work. A lot of the mistakes are very basic, don't know if they are due to typing mistakes or you writing too fast. Anyay you should be able to correct a lot of them by reading through what you have written before posting.
    Your sentence structure could use some work as well. A beta reader will be able to help you with that.

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  • From ANON - v on January 02, 2007
    pretty goooood!!!
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