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Reviews for Make It Right

By : Extraho
  • From Happyappy on March 05, 2007
    I just read all of your chapters and like your story. Since you asked for suggestions, I think that Keith should have something truly awful happen to him. The poor woman surely doesn't need to be saddled with him for the rest of her life. She has someone else taking care of her now, so she won't need him to support her family anymore, he could be removed. I am torn as to whether I should suggest her being with Riddle. Even though you have explained his political views, and what Dumbledore did to him, he still is obviously a very feared man, so would she really be any better off with him? I am sure you already have ideas on what to do with that. I look forward to reading more and seeing what you do with the story.
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  • From misslala on March 04, 2007
    Hello! I just wanted to give you a little advice. I hope that isn't out of line since you asked.

    Ok here goes: The story has promise. Overall, I like the play on names and I also like how they seem to be two generations removed from the current Harry Potter universe. Approximatly I should say. The story is original and I hope to read more.
    ***
    Things I would like to see you improve on: You have a good grasp of what you want to write and that is evident by the continuty of the story. My biggest thing would be to tell you to slow down. There are times when you are flying through what you want to say and making conversation stinted and weak or avoiding descriptions because you have to much you want to say. For example, in the beginning of the story you start right away with Tom 'raping' Lilith. In my opnion, you should slow down the opening. Like I said it shows promise, you just have to either get a Beta reader or stop writing for a bit and come back to it. Grammatically, you should clean it up and little and maybe show more background information regarding the SLytherin/Tom Riddle joke that carried over so many years that people are hating him for.

    There are some times when it is hard to tell where parts end and begin, you are lacking in segue between points in the story. I think the most important part of the story is the world you create for the reader. We know they are in London but you are leaving out critial elemtents that paint the largest picture for your audience. I know you can make this story superb! And I would like to read more :)
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  • From Loussi on March 04, 2007
    Awww Tom is so cute *pinch cheeks*
    I so want to know what happens next, you evil writer you.Cutting the story at such time, i will be checking for the update everyday.
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  • From dragon37 on February 24, 2007
    I hope you have fun in France. I really like this Tom Riddle, and his history of how he became Voldemort. Dumbledor isn't one of my favorite characters, so I think him and Keith should die horrible deaths. I eagerly wait for your next chapter.
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  • From Emmylovedraco on February 17, 2007
    Oh I love this story please please update soon,
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  • From zafaran on February 13, 2007
    This is a different twist on where Lily came from, and what Dumbledore was up to all those years ago. I hope your muse and schedule will allow you to write and post more chapters sometime soon. Keep up the good work. Zafaran zafaran{at}fastmail{dot}fm
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  • From Lisa1352 on February 13, 2007
    interesting I like it.
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  • From angelnomiko on February 07, 2007
    wow thatwas great .. please update soon ... later for now

    angel
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