Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for The Usual Suspects

By : JadeGreenDream
  • From JadeGreenDream on January 30, 2009
    I actually did mean for it to feel really hectic at the end and unfinished, but you put up a good point about leaving the reader with questions. There's a difference between attempting realism (keyword: attempting) and leaving the reader unsatisfied.

    Your comment about adding a chapter really got me thinking, though. I resisted it because it would have meant that there was something outside the journal, but the more I think about it, the more I see that breaking the fourth wall would be good for the story.

    So after an obscenely long break from the fanfic-writing business, I'm adding another chapter. (Forgive me!)
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on March 01, 2007
    Yes, that definitely was the end then!

    How sad! And we will never know why Draco reacted like he did...

    I thought that at the end - what happened with her father visiting and her confrontation with Draco - was (as touching as it surely was) a bit artificial, and perhaps a bit too rushed, as if you were in a hurry to finish the story.

    It is sad when all hope is lost like that, and even though I prefer characters to grow through their pain, I know that this is how it sometimes is in real life... and you wrote it very well.

    I still think that another original character could have replaced Cho... having her in the same year and house as Mary would only add to the tension between them as they would be forced to see each other a lot more.

    One thing I would have loved was to have just one last chapter written from Draco's point of view, just to close up the story... the reader is left with a lot of questions, and I know that this was probably your intention, but still sometimes it's better to make things clear than to keep people guessing... the things you think you're hinting very clearly, may not be as obvious to the reader as you think... believe me, I know from personal experience with my own stories :o)

    But thanks for a great read, and I hope you're not put down by my remarks. You're a great story teller, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Good luck with future stories.

    Love Leonora.
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on February 27, 2007
    Chapters 13-15:

    I really like how she "punished" Draco for using that spell on her! I was hot!

    I feel so sorry for her mother and for her because of the childhood she's had. Her feelings towards Lucius puts her relationship with Draco in a whole new perspective... could Draco possibly be the one to get hurt in the end?

    Some great chapters, though they leave me a bit worried about how this is going to end!
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on February 21, 2007
    Chapters 10-12:

    Wow! That was quite a revelation. So I was right that her father was keeping something a secret! I will not mention what happened in this chapter, to not reveal too much to new readers, but now I'm truly anxious to know how her mother died. Again, some very hot scenes :o)

    I like the way she told off Cho... she definitely deserved that... she even cried, which proves very well what a hypocrite she is.

    I hope Mary makes it out of this in one piece! As for Draco... who knows... he has been brainwashed into thinking like a Death Eater all of his life... it would not be easy for him to go against his fathers wishes - should he ever make it as far as even deciding to do so.
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on February 19, 2007
    Chapters 7 - 9:

    I like how you make Mary active in her and Draco's "games", and have her take control for once, too. What she found out about Draco may be dangerous knowledge. I'm wondering if this story is HBP-compliant... if it is, she will probably hate herself for not telling someone about it.

    You can feel how Mary is slowly pulling away from the real world and is living a sort of dream-like existence, where the only thing that matters is her meetings with Draco. I still wish that she had some real friends... it seems that the whole world has teamed up against her. Poor lass!
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on February 17, 2007
    Chapters 5 and 6:

    Some pretty hot scenes there ;o)

    I feel sorry for Mary, though. She seems so lonely! She literally has no one - except for Draco, whom I'm not quite sure about yet. He is as slippery as an eel, though he may prove to have some feelings below the surface... that doesn't necessarily make him a good guy, though.

    Cho is acting like an idiot! I wish Mary could find someone else to be best friends with. Cho seems to care more about her own reputation than about her so called best friend.
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on February 14, 2007
    Chapters 3 and 4:

    Oh, I feel so sorry for Mary! Her father's reaction is very odd I think. It seems like he is keeping something secret.

    Naughty Draco! Using an unforgivable curse on her I suspect ;o) I wonder what we can expect from him in the future... is he going to be a bad boy?

    I hope Mary gets to talk to Cho soon, Cho's reaction to the kiss wasn't fair, but perhaps she has some issues there... she could be having doubts about her sexuality, but be working really hard to repress it... I don't know.

    Leonora.
    Report Review

  • From lckarlsson on February 13, 2007
    I can't believe no one has reviewed this story yet!

    I have only read your first two chapters so far, but I will be back for more later on. What really catches me is your writing style! It's funny, it's witty and very real. You make me feel as if your character is sitting right in front of me, telling me her story vividly.

    I think it's very brave of you to name her Mary-Sue, and to have her be a Hufflepuff... also, I like that she is so very human - being clumsy and saying funny things when she's nervous.

    One thing that put me slightly off is that she's best friends with Cho Chang, which seems odd and slightly out of place. Unless this is going to be important for the plot later on, I would have prefered for her to have a best friend in her own house and her own year, which would seem more natural... I would also love to see what kind of friend you would make up for her :o) Cho Chang already has a best friend in Marietta Edgecombe, even though she could have done better I guess ;o)

    I hope you don't mind me saying this. I don't mean to discourrage you in your writing in any way. You're doing great so far.

    Love Leonora.

    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!