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Reviews for Dark Secrets

By : Jaiden
  • From on April 20, 2010
    This story is very promissing! I only read the first chapter yet, but I'm very wanting to see the rest!
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  • From ANON - tabiko on December 14, 2009
    Hahahahahaha!

    Thought you might like to read this, if you haven't already. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/DarkSecrets It's where I got the link to your breathtaking story. They were quite bang-on with their review, I would say.

    Cheers.
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  • From ANON - szaleniec on August 25, 2009
    I want to start by saying you're not a bad writer. Though your work could benefit from the attention of a beta (this isn't a slight on you - frankly most people's could) your English usage is okay, you know how to structure a story and you've put a lot of feeling and emotion in there. It's the plot itself I have issues with.

    Firstly: idiot plot. Ron finds out that his gf knows that he's a Death Eater. Now I know that in canon he's not always the brightest wand in the box, but still. If he wants his Death Eater-ness to remain a secret, why does he suddenly start behaving very suspiciously? And why isn't he trying to keep her sweet instead of driving her into Malfoy's arms?

    Secondly: this is the Potterverse, and you seem to be paying nothing but lip service to the nature of the world. Magic is everywhere. If two seventh years are having a blazing row in the corridors, wands are going to come out. If Draco wants to fix her foot, he's going to use magic (or maybe a slug of the healing potion you actually mentioned earlier on) not Muggle first aid. When Ron busts in to restrain her, why's he using duct tape rather than something like the Impediment Jinx? And why, oh why, oh why is the central conflict resolved with a knife fight rather than a proper wizards' duel?

    Finally, I have to mention the sex scene. I've seen far worse, but it's still very stiff and mechanical. I'm not denying there's feeling in there, but it still reads like assembly instructions. Again you're far from alone on this, and the balance between dull and lifeless and ridiculously overblown is not easy to strike.
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