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Reviews for in hiding (on the run)

By : alick
  • From Citten on March 14, 2007
    i do so love the story and i want more lots more! i only have one request that you break up the paragraphs more like the conversations put on separte lines it will help with length and really help with reading the story too! hope you can update soon. :)
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  • From crinna on March 08, 2007
    Interesting start. The ideas are good but you need a beata. Your structure is awful. You need several paragraph breaks, and punctuation corrections. Normally you can get away with ignoring a few grammar and style enomolies with artistic licence, but you can't throw them out the window and expect decent feedback. Unfortunetly the good things about this fic are overshadowed by technical errors, The errors make it hard to read.
    if i had to be specific I would point out this:

    you wrote "He sat on the wooden of his hotel room mixing various liquids and plants the ending product
    was a lumpy and a funny green he swallowed it down with out a second thought."

    the corrections wold be as fallows: He sat on the wooden (floor) of his hotel room mixing various liquids and plants(.) (T)he ending product was a lumpy (_) funny green(.) (H)e swallowed it down with out a second thought.

    !!!!! this is not a flame !!!!!!!----just constructive criticism----

    i hope my comments allow you to improve your writing. even the pro writers have editors that help nurture there talents and point out areas of improvement. Pleas keep writing!
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  • From Styling304 on March 08, 2007
    This story seems to be really interesting. I can't wait to read how he approaches Harry and the gang. That should be most entertaining... :) Keep it up and I cant wait till the next chappie.
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