Click Here!

Reviews for Panthera

By : vbollman
  • From ANON - moo on June 30, 2008
    i love talk-back harry! update
    Report Review

  • From ANON - mortedevivre on May 23, 2008
    on the whole this story is very good. the only problem i have is the misspelling of harry's fake name. if you wanted the name Miles Timor to mean Soldier of Doom then Timor should be Timoris.
    i just had to say that. i'm a latin junky and when people have something wrong i go crazy.
    i can't wait for the next chapter.
    Report Review

  • From Mikra on May 22, 2008
    You have just received a new eager reader. I can't wait for your next update.
    Report Review

  • From soloflamelady on May 22, 2008
    yay your back can't wait for the severus panthera to find out what really happens at the dursleys update soon
    Report Review

  • From voldemortsgrl on May 21, 2008
    More please. This is really good so far. Poor Harry. Why is everyone so mean to him. McGonagall was being mean right there. Anyway, please update soon.
    Report Review

  • From Makovaso on May 20, 2008
    I love it!! more please!
    Report Review

  • From SamHill on May 20, 2008
    I rarely review because I simply get too caught up with other stuff, prefer to leave well enough alone or am, unfortunately, simply lazy. However, I am enjoying your story immensely and feel that these slight adjustments can only benefit the quality. You haven't rushed it and thus far, you haven't dragged anything out that should be dealt with a bit more quickly (you can email me if you want the full story on that comment). I don't know if you have a Beta. If not, I would suggest looking one up on: www.perfectimagination.co.uk. Please also realize, before you read further, that I'm not trying to come off as overly critical. I really am enjoying your story quite a bit! Anyway, here are the "issues" I wanted to bring up. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to let me know. You can email me at faeryqueen07@gmail.com.

    examples:

    1) You tend to overstate matters. While you should definitely avoid assuming that we know certain things about the plot or maybe picked up on something that was only fleetingly foreshadowed, you don't need to map out every little detail. If Harry leaves the room, you don't have to say that Prf. Snape and Dumbledore set aside their tea and stood up to follow. Just say that they followed him into the other room. Your readers (if they have any sense whatsoever) should know that setting things down and standing up were steps taken before the rest could follow. And if they carried those teacups into the other room because they were to be a part of the upcoming scene, we will figure it out.
    An example from your story:
    "Hermione looked from Harry to Ron, and then back to Harry, before twisting her face into a scowl of concentration, as she pieced together everything that Ron had said that related to the way Harry acted, while eating automatically with a very much distracted manner." That just comes off as more wordy than necessary. Perhaps something more along the lines of: "Hermione scowled into her food as she analyzed everything she had just witnessed."
    "Snape sat watching the three friends interact with each other, and couldn't believe that after the first few minutes in the kitchen, nothing more had been said about last night. Allowing his curiosity to gain the better of him, he broke into the conversation, although not in a kind way." "...he broke into the conversation with his usual snappish manner."

    2) Keep track of your tenses, i.e. "Therefore he was not as surprised as he should be when he felt Snape kneel on the floor in front of him." It should read: "Therefore he was not as surprised as he should have been when he felt Snape kneel on the floor in front of him," / "Just as Snape was about to correct Harry's statement about nothing being wrong, Dobby freezed (this should be froze) Harry with a glare and did it for him."

    3) Just fine-tune your grammatical errors. If you have Microsoft Word, this should be easy as it usually highlights any mistakes. I'd suggest MS Word 2007 as it shows you spelling red, grammatical in green and misuse of words in blue (i.e. 'too' instead of 'to' and 'then' instead of 'than'). If you don't have this, I would suggest finding a Beta who does.

    4) Just make sure you don't overuse the sneer and smirk. After a while it loses its uniqueness, so to speak.

    Other than that, I say keep up the good work!! (P.S. I've only gotten to chapter 3 in your story. For whatever reason the next page won't load properly. I'll try again later tonight.)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - chineseartist on May 19, 2008
    ooh, burn. man, she stepped in it, they all did. oh, i can't wait to see what's gonna happen next.
    Report Review

  • From knowingdivine on May 19, 2008
    Hooray!! An update!!! And Snape tries to comfort him. I missed you!
    Report Review

  • From mikaela717 on October 15, 2007
    Cmon cmon cmon! Update update update! Please? :)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - dfntgrl on October 05, 2007
    This is a greally great story. I cant wait for the next chapter to come out!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - kunitsu on October 01, 2007
    I am looking forward to your updates then
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on October 01, 2007
    I'm telling you i luv you and if you finish this, i'll love you for forever and a day. You have no idea how overjoyed i was to hear that you are finishing this. It's an amazing story!! I can hardly wait!
    Report Review

  • From mayablackwolf on August 17, 2007
    Wow this is really good^_^, I love harry's rooms, the color scheme is perfect. I like how Ron and Harry have an understanding. I really hope you update soon, Severus and Harry still have that spar to do hmmm? yep nice and sweaty snarry, just what a fangirl can want^_*
    Please please please please update soon
    Report Review

  • From sanda on August 17, 2007
    good chapter
    Report Review

T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!