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Reviews for Step in girlfriend

By : black
  • From Pegleg-TinStar on February 01, 2021

    Oh, this so needs another chapter...or two.  But I do see a’canon’ problem: if muggle technology doesn’t work well at Hogwarts (because of all the magic), then how is poor Ginny ever going to do her ‘homework’  and watch that video?  Especially when Hogwarts seems to lack TVs & DVD players, too...

    I personally didn’t like Ron interrupting Harry and Ginny, and given that the Weasley boys all seem to have a healthy respect (fear?) of Ginny’s skills as a witch, I’m surprised she lets Ron get away with it without hexing him!


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  • From Pegleg-TinStar on August 09, 2020

    Good on ya!  Seven pages/chapters that really have the feel of a young couple (or two) getting together and exploring their sexual attraction, without going the ‘quickie’ route.    I always liked the H/G pairing, thought JKR got it exactly right. What I didn’t like was Ron being overly protective of Ginny’s virtue, Ginny wouldn’t have stood for it (think bat bogey hex)  and neither would have Hermione!  

    A word about editing: in a nutshell, find someone to read your story and check it before you post it!  Spell check isn’t enough, it will miss ‘thought’ when you meant ‘through’, to take an example from this story.  One of the toughest things to do is edit your own writing, because you know what you meant to say/write, you tend to read right over your mistakes even when you do try to correct them!  One pet peeve: lent is the past tense of ‘to lend’; leant (or leaned) is the past tense of ‘to lean’!  I don’t know if it’s Brit usage vs Yank usage, or what, but it drives me nuts!

    Last thing: dialogue is tough to write, when two characters are having an intimate conversation, if it doesn’t sound natural, it will spoil the mood (and the story) for the reader, if not for the characters.  Most of the dialogue in this story was good, in fact it was way better than the dialogue in a lot of the stories I’ve read on this site.  There were still a couple of awkward passages, though, and the only way to fix that is to have a couple of people read the lines to each other, so you can hear what it sounds like.

    Do write more!


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  • From Pegleg-TinStar on July 23, 2020

    I know I came to this site late, and I’m sure I’m older than most who have posted their writings here,  Yhat said, this story has two problems common to many I have read.  First, it is poorly edited; there are far too many spelling and grammatical mistakes, as well as an overuse or misuse of pronouns (eg: him instead of her, etc).  Second, like many stories it seems to have been abandoned without a true denouement, it ends without tying up the loose ends.  So, what happened?


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  • From ANON - Katrin on January 07, 2016
    is really great, looking forward to next chapter
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  • From haroon132 on November 11, 2007
    is this complete?>>
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  • From ANON - Anon on November 04, 2007
    Okay..
    It's a tad unrealistic.. The main idea is good, however.
    As for the writing itself, it's not that bad.
    You need to tidy it up, though.. Especially the dialogue... it's hard to get who says what and the flow's just off..
    The characters are.. Well, quite out of character, I'm afraid..

    But on the other hand, I must add that despite all my whining I liked this story a lot.
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  • From TrinaDarnell on September 11, 2007
    This story is a great idea and well written, except for one thing. Without the proper punctuation around he quotes, everything kind of runs together. (example:
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  • From Isake on September 09, 2007
    I want to know what Ginny thinks when she watches the porno!

    =]
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  • From sidlovesnan1979 on September 09, 2007
    Oh I love your story, THE STEP IN GIRLFRIEND, but my only complaint would be your spellling of palling - it is pulling. I love the story and am enjoying reading the first seven chapters.
    I cannot wait to see what Ginny does to Harry!
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  • From Omeganian on September 04, 2007
    I think Hermione should knock some sense into Ron's head. In a creative way.
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  • From Gwenfrewi on September 03, 2007
    Ya know, only Ron would make his best friend masturbate while he, Hermione and Ginny waited in the next room. I thought Harry flashing everyone was a brilliant move on his part. Please keep posting. :D
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  • From SULEGNA on September 01, 2007
    I love this update soon im ADDICTED
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  • From xxlizziexx on August 30, 2007
    Oh. I like it so far. I can't wait to see how this story turns out.
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  • From RonsLover on August 28, 2007
    i love this story!!!!!!plz keep writtin more
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