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Reviews for Whips, Chains, & Pure Pain

By : AbaresDaArk
  • From thrnbrooke on February 26, 2009
    Soooo need chapter 3!!! Poor Harry!!!
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  • From hieisdragoness18 on February 16, 2009
    this is very interesting.
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  • From ANON - Michelle Wolf on January 15, 2009
    i am interested in more. please update. the irony of golden boy. Ginny bashing, i love those!
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  • From Fallain00 on February 26, 2008
    I want more! I NEED more! :( please update soon
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  • From ANON - pepperrox on October 28, 2007
    gimmie more gimmie more!!!
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  • From Rettavex on October 17, 2007
    More please. I am intrigued by the idea that the Potter's would take Scorpius in after Draco leaves. I also would like to definitely know what made Draco disappear.
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  • From ANON - Alpha Infidel on October 15, 2007
    Hmmm, sounds very intersting so far, all though there are a few things that I'd like to bring up, seeing as how this is a review :3

    The first is simply punctuation, and I think you may want to work on it. It's really not that bad, to be honest, but it is noticeable. Don't forget apostraphes as well. (Ex. Masters would be Master's)

    The only other thing is that Ginny was a little two dimensional and the boy's opinion of her is a little... unlikely. I know that it's only the first chapter and a lot of the character development is still to come, but I think it's important that characters still seem realistic from the very beginning. (I'm not a huge Ginny/Harry fan, so I have no problem with her actually signing those papers and disappearing forever, though xD)

    I know it seems like I didn't like your first chapter, but that's not true at all. I think it sounds very interseting and I'm definitley going to be keeping up with it. It's got an interesting twist to it. I just figure that reviewing doesn't mean random gushing, it means actually giving a review and helping out a little, yeah? So that's that. Great job, can't wait for more ^^
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  • From missleymisskai on October 14, 2007
    you are going to continue right?! This is really good. ^^

    ~Ley
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  • From ANON - corbin on October 14, 2007
    OHh wow,I like it so far. Its well written,and interesting.

    Hope the next chapter comes soon, cant wait to hear-well read what happens next.
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  • From xamphira on October 14, 2007
    Interesting beginning: the title sounds very promising.
    However, as Asha's said, you really need a beta. Spelling, grammar and punctuation mistakes really undermine your work.
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  • From DracoHarry on October 14, 2007
    OOO. I can't wait to read more. Update soon. Keep up the great work.

    Kat
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  • From ANON - asha81 on October 14, 2007
    Liked your story, but there are a few mistakes there:

    - Potter is always spelled with a capital letter

    - Most witch’s and wizards were shocked... it should be: Most witches and...

    - been invited to Stay at the... stay

    - Scropius... Scorpius

    - friends or their family about his father in fact he avoided it... I think there is a comma in front of 'in fact'

    - Harry lost his temper at that conjured the divorce papers as his temper spiked... I think it would be better to say: Harry lost hit thmper and conjured divorce papers.

    - Fill them out I’ll sign them... Fill them out, I’ll sign them.

    - or I wont mind not... won't

    - Harry left the room slamming the door taking a look at the boys huddled in the hall who had been listening. Harry looked over his children and Scorpius who had become like a son to him... I think it would be better to say: Harry left the room slamming the door, seeing his children and Scorpius, who had become like a son to him, huddled in the hall, where they had been listening.

    - Harry grinned at his boys picking up a small black bag... boys, picking up

    - It was morning the small rays of light... morning and the small

    - fought each time though that had been the first time in over a year eh... each time, though... over a year he...

    - he had still be rapped... he was still raped...

    - on his back deep painful ones though with... on his back, deep painful ones, though with...

    - then it should have ever been... then it should ever have been...

    I don't know if I got everything and I am not a native speaker, but I would suggest you to get a beta, so that these mistakes don't happen.
    Otherwise please do continue your story.

    Asha81

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  • From bananasforyou on October 14, 2007
    i want more please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • From calanthe on October 14, 2007
    I love this... haha. I love the whole plot line, too. I want more now, kthanx
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  • From thrnbrooke on October 14, 2007
    Who has him? How did this happen? I sooo need chapter 2!
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