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Reviews for Can You See Me Now?

By : Araea Swiftwind
  • From sashaphillips on September 18, 2009
    Hm. Don't hang yourself by any means, but the line "I grow lightheaded and slowly tip over as if in a movie" just did not flow for me. Too wordy, when the rest of the piece was pretty punchy. Maybe I didn't understand... is this the preface to something? I wasn't sure who was talking. I would also advice against telling too much of the fic in the disclaimer. I like "Clowns", also. But if I hadn't have read your disclaimer, I would have never even thought of it.



    DD

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  • From Jilliane on January 24, 2008
    You weren't joking when you said this was dark, were you? It was also quite chilling and very sad to think that the other person could just walk away and ignore such a blatant cry for help, whether or not the slitting of wrists was actual or metaphorical. Even though dark and chilling, I think this was very well written, you brought the despair and desperation of the main character out very well. My only suggestion (not a flame!) is that perhaps rather than all the capitals, it would have been better to put the "Can you see me now's" in italics, just to make it easier on the eyes to read. Having said that, I can understand why you chose the capitals, to convey the screaming, desperate plea of the character. Good job! and I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing.
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  • From thrnbrooke on January 15, 2008
    He just walked away! They just let him die? How horrible!
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