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Reviews for The End of Pretence

By : altoforensics
  • From knowingdivine on January 22, 2008
    Nice twist! Petunia being his real Mum and Dubles being stupid enough to out his realtive in the house. I hate Dumbles.
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  • From dominique1 on January 22, 2008
    This by far is the best chapter i really love this story please up date soon
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  • From dominique1 on January 21, 2008
    i liove it i like what your doing and yeah you could fastforward to hi sixth year update soon please
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  • From sanda on January 21, 2008
    good chapter
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  • From knowingdivine on January 21, 2008
    Wonderful. I like stories where Hermione is kept on. Ron is just a git.
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  • From KageMori on January 20, 2008
    darn it!! the story was really getting good too! i hope that you will update again soon i really want to see whats going to happen next. please please update soon!!!!
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  • From Selera on January 19, 2008
    This is an awesome story you have to get more up and soon. Please? I'll give you cookies! EVIL COOKIES!
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  • From sanda on January 15, 2008
    good chapter
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  • From sanda on January 13, 2008
    good chapters
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  • From snapefan on January 13, 2008
    Thank you for the update. i hope harry will be able to get his money back and everyone will get what they deserve.
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  • From snapefan on January 12, 2008
    I like this so far and am looking forward to more.
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  • From mumimeanjudy on January 12, 2008
    Will there be an explanation as to why Ron and Ginny have wands when they are 9 and 8 respectively? Also, why are they allowed to perform underage magic?

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  • From Amarilis on January 09, 2008
    Hi there

    I just started reading your story and i think it is very interesting!! I like the way Harry is figuring things out on his own and i think the twins are the best allies!! Plus i love stories where albus is evil!! LOL cant wait for the next chapter!!!
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  • From sanda on January 09, 2008
    good story
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  • From Jilliane on January 08, 2008
    Still intriguing! You've got a nice twist in there with the Weasley's. I never expected Molly to say what she said, and it caught me totally unaware, which only makes me want more of your story. I also liked the bit with Harry finding Dumbledore's note to Petunia, another unexpected twist, especially with him telling her to use a firmer hand with Harry and to keep him isolated. I like it that Harry isn't as clueless as he was portrayed to be in the canon story. This looks to be as interesting as your prologue promised, and I can't wait for your next update. You've got a good thing going here.

    I have a few suggestions (not flames or criticisms!) that you might find useful. Chapter One for some reason was much wider than the page, which made it difficult to read. This may be a glitch with AFF, but is worth checking out. There were a couple of instances in which you suddenly switched tenses, so you may want keep an eye on that. There's a timeline mistake if you're going to stick to the canon timeline. Harry was born in 1980, which would make him 8 years old at the start of your story, but then, its your story so if that's what you had planned, disregard my pointing it out. There is a small inconsistency also. You wrote that the passersby on the street recognised Harry; "strangers seemed to know him, and were fascinated by his scar," and then two paragraphs later say; "Harry quickly took out the shard of mirror he had nicked..... He lifted his fringe and checked to make sure the make-up from Petunia's kit was still in place over his scar. Seeing all was well...." The strangers on the street can't be fascinated by his scar if it's hidden under his fringe and under make up unless they can somehow magically see it. If that is indeed the case, you may want to edit in a line explaining that.

    Again, these are not flames or criticisms and I hope you will not take them as such. As you've invited suggestions and corrections, these are mine and are intended only to be helpful, not hurtful in any way, and which you are free to either take or ignore as you see fit. :)

    All in all, IMO, you're doing a great job, and I can't wait to see where you go with this. Please update soon, I'll be looking for it!
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