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Reviews for POOR SEVERUS

By : raghavmundra2000
  • From Persy on July 21, 2021

    Yes!!!!


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  • From LadyStarSidhe on May 10, 2008
    This fic is probably considered an embarrassment to your written collection. No sentence structure, no proper grammar or even proper usage of the English language! How in Goddess name are people supposed to be able to both read and comprehend what you've written?? You may have written the beginnings or the complete workings of a very good story, but we'll never know now will we? I would suggest sending this to a friend, one that graduated from grade school, and having them read this over and proof read it for you. Maybe then you'll have more readers and better reviews, especially from me!
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  • From ANON - Anon on January 20, 2008
    I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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  • From MomoDesu on January 18, 2008
    I'm not quite sure what to say about that.
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  • From Hale on January 17, 2008
    No offence intended, I don't wish to add to the negative reviews by simply saying "it's crap" like some of the other have done but this really isnt a good piece if writing. If you don't mind I've left a few points which may help you with your next story. (Ignore people who say stop writing...not everyone is brilliant at everything and the only way to improve at something is to practice).

    1) You don't use paragraphs, this makes the text very difficult to follow and most people will lose interest.

    2) Too many exclamation marks are used. If you do use them you only need 1 (e.g blah blah blah!), you use 3 at the end of nearly every sentence (blah!!!).

    3) Your characters seem to act like a couple of sex crazed teenagers, very out of character. If you meant for them to be this way then put that you've written them out of charater in the summary.

    I assume this is your first fic?
    Perhaps you should get a beta reader who can check your work before you put it online, that way you'll avoid the nasty reviews that others have left and you'll become a better writer with better plots etc. If you were to try and submit this to Ashwinder for example they'd probably send it back with a note to improve it first.

    Please feel free to reply.

    Hale
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  • From Tenar10r on January 17, 2008
    Well that was crap. I'm sorry I can't even think of any constructive criticism.
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  • From LolaCarstairs on January 16, 2008
    This story kind of makes me want to throw up. There is a difference between erotica and transcribing a really awful porno.

    Also, there's this stylistic choice called a "paragraph". Give it a shot.
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  • From amsev on January 16, 2008
    Whoa! Hawtness.
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  • From spiderkiller on January 15, 2008
    i really hope this was just a "joke story".
    if this was something u had to dig deep for then u perhaps shouldnt look to writing.

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